The General's Regret: A Life Lost to Ambition

This is a record of an interview with Guan Yuanhao, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life during the Ming Dynasty. Recorded by the chief writer on October 11, 2020.

Guan Yuanhao speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. The story of a life is the history of the paths one has walked through the ages. From the past to the present, I have experienced many things, and I believe that all beings, like me, have endured countless cycles of life and death within the cycle of rebirth. I am deeply grateful to this place, the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia, for allowing me to break free from the cycle of rebirth and the shackles of my past lives. If one cannot escape this cycle, one remains trapped within spiritual obstacles, unable to find a way out. It is truly a suffering beyond words. People in the world do not realise the extent of this suffering because they have forgotten the painful experiences of their past lives. The cycle of rebirth is simply too bitter! To be liberated today, I am truly grateful to Practitioner Su and to the compassionate Namo Amituofo for saving suffering beings. I offer my most sincere gratitude!"

A Scholar Turned General

"I was a scholar born during the Ming Dynasty. Later, because I studied martial arts, I became a great general guarding the border. My life story is not long; I spent my entire life defending my home and country, and in the end, I sacrificed my life on the battlefield.

My family was not wealthy when I was young. To give me the opportunity to receive an education, my parents exhausted all our family's resources to send me to a nearby academy. For many years, I studied with great diligence. However, an unexpected tragedy occurred—a fire, that manifestation of impermanence, claimed the lives of my parents. In an instant, I became a helpless orphan. Fortunately, a kind-hearted foster father adopted me and cultivated me into a commander. I spent my entire life repaying his kindness, striving to fulfil every expectation he had of me."

The Prince's Hidden Ambition

"My foster father was a prince conferred by the imperial court, the elder brother of the reigning Emperor. At that time, to weaken the power of the feudal lords, the Emperor issued many strict decrees, including one that exiled my foster father to the borderlands. My foster father was assigned to a city where he lived in unimaginable luxury. The only thing he lacked was military authority. On the surface, he accepted the Emperor's will, appearing to spend his days indulging in wine and women, living a life of leisure. The Emperor's spies reported exactly what they saw, and gradually, the Emperor lowered his guard. The Emperor did not know the schemes my foster father was secretly laying; a war to seize the throne was already being quietly orchestrated.

Everything the Emperor saw was a play carefully directed by my foster father. In truth, he had secretly built a private army, and I was the commander he appointed to lead it. I had followed him since I was fourteen. He provided me with food and shelter, cared for me deeply, and spent ten years training me into a general skilled in both literature and martial arts, all so that I could take command of this private force. The army was cleverly positioned around the capital, part of my foster father's long-term plan to overthrow the Emperor and ascend the throne himself."

The Cost of a Throne

"It was only after I took command of the private army that I began to understand my foster father's hidden ambition. By then, he was no longer the caring man he once was. He began to discipline me harshly and restrict my thoughts. He would not tolerate any betrayal and strictly forbade me from acting on my own. I saw the madness in his character. In his quest for the throne, he lost all human warmth; he became cold-blooded, cruel, and heartless. While the world whispered that he was lost to wine and lust, he was actually conducting a massive military campaign. His heart terrified me, but to repay his kindness, I did not resist him, nor did I ever let him down. I obeyed every one of his demands.

He trusted me implicitly, entrusting me with many responsibilities and missions. I was privy to many of his war secrets. Following his every move, the flames of war began to ignite. I was a piece in his layout. We won the first battle and captured a significant city. Overjoyed, he wanted to gift the city to me, but I politely declined, telling him that I was only doing my duty and that I could not accept rewards without merit. Hearing this, he was even more pleased and, the next day, assigned me even more critical duties. He hoped to seize the throne within the year."

A Glimpse of Human Suffering

"My foster father's ambition triggered a reaction from the Emperor, who dispatched a massive army to confront us. My foster father had been preparing his forces for over a decade, and he was confident he would not easily lose. To win this war, he did not hesitate to have his own daughter live under an assumed name for years, marrying into the imperial palace three years prior to act as a noble consort, working from the inside. He used every scheme imaginable to seize the throne. He told me that no matter what, we had to win this war.

Once the war began, the people suffered the most. As the conflict escalated, many regions were devastated, and the civilians were in agony. I witnessed this scene by chance: an old woman, dressed in tattered, filthy clothes, carrying an infant on her back and leading a gaunt, emaciated boy by the hand. The boy looked ill, his face as pale as paper, and the infant on her back was listless. I saw the old woman desperately begging with a broken bowl, but everyone was fleeing for their lives, and no one would stop. Seeing her desolate figure reminded me of my own deceased parents, and a wave of sorrow surged within me. I began to wonder: was I wrong to help my foster father? He had told me that his brother had used deceit to steal everything that belonged to him, and that the Emperor was a tyrant. Because of his kindness in raising me, I chose to believe him, and because of his cultivation and trust, I helped him wage these wars. I began to doubt myself. How many others were suffering like this old woman, with no food to eat? My heart ached, but I did not know who could give me the answer. I truly did not know what I should do."

The Finality of War

"That night, under the guise of a patrol, I returned to the devastated village. It was deserted; almost everyone had left, leaving behind only the elderly or those too weak to move. Suddenly, I heard a faint cry. Following the sound, I found a dilapidated thatched hut. Inside was the old woman I had seen earlier. The boy was kneeling beside her, weeping bitterly. I could see that something had happened to her. Just as I was about to enter, I saw a figure move faster than me toward the bed. I saw him check her breath; she had indeed passed away. He was a young, handsome man who appeared to be of noble status. To avoid revealing my identity, I hid in the shadows. The young man patted the boy's back, as if comforting him. Soon, several men entered, lifted the old woman, and within a single night, her funeral rites were completed. The young man then took the boy and the infant away. I believe this young man must have been a good person. In my heart, I silently hoped the boy would have a better future and a new life.

When I returned to the camp, I found my foster father had already returned. He asked where I had been, and I told him what I had seen. Instead of showing any emotion, he scolded me, teaching me: 'To achieve great things, one cannot have the heart of a woman.' After this, he no longer trusted me with major decisions, deliberately avoiding me. I knew he feared that my emotions would ruin his grand plan.

The war lasted nearly a year, and in the end, my foster father was defeated. He had been so obsessed with reclaiming the throne that he lost his true nature. His own daughter, whom he trusted most, had fallen in love with the Emperor. Fearing that her beloved husband would die by her father's schemes, she chose to betray him, revealing his plans to the Emperor beforehand. The Emperor promised her that her father would have a dignified death. In the end, my foster father died by poisoned wine; the Emperor allowed him to keep his body intact and agreed to bury him with honours in the imperial mausoleum. After his death, the Emperor confiscated all his assets and sent a large army to control the private forces he had left behind.

My identity was never part of the official army, as I had always been a secret piece in his game, so when the Emperor took over the forces, no one discovered me. I was left alone, filled with sorrow. Everything my foster father had built was gone, and he was gone too. These years felt like a dream. I knew I had truly done wrong! Yet, I still wanted to repay his kindness in raising me. That year, I had just turned twenty-five. I did not know what kind of future I could have. Without realising it, I walked back to the old woman's house. Since that day, no one had returned. I pushed open the simple grass door and stepped inside. Looking at the furnishings, I thought of the life the old woman had lived there. Although it was a hard life, I believe they must have been happy. That is the feeling of a home—no matter how poor the environment, as long as a family is together, the care they share makes it the warmest place on earth. I missed my own parents so much, but I would never experience such days again. Everyone had left me, and I was alone once more."

Namo Amituofo.

"As I was immersed in the melancholy of my past memories, someone suddenly walked into the house. I was caught completely off guard. When I saw clearly who it was, I realised it was the young man who had taken the boy away that night. He looked at me and said, 'It was you that night, wasn't it?' I was stunned for a moment, but I quickly replied, 'Those two children—you will be good to them, won't you?' The young man laughed out loud and said, 'You, a cold-blooded commander of private soldiers who kills without leaving a trace, are actually concerned about such human affairs!' I looked up at his expression, left him with only one sentence, and stood up to leave. I told him, 'As long as you can take good care of them, that is enough.' As I walked outside, the young man called out, 'Your private army is still best suited to be led by a warm-hearted commander like you. Protecting the country and defending the people—that is what truly suits you!' I looked back at him in surprise and asked, 'Who are you?' That night, when I saw the aura he radiated, I had sensed he was someone of status, but I never expected he could command the fate of the private army that the Emperor had reclaimed. The young man smiled without a word, left a letter, and soon vanished from sight. I held the letter in my hand, unable to react for a long time.

A Second Chance at Purpose

That night, I bought a jar of wine and returned to the old woman's house. That night was the most unrestrained I had been in many years. I let myself get dead drunk to vent my stifled emotions. A life where I could not be the master of my own fate made me feel so powerless, and I drank until I lost consciousness. In my drunken dreams, I seemed to have returned to my past life. My father and mother were still by my side. I had not yet met my foster father, and those harmful wars had not yet occurred. In the dream, I felt so satisfied and happy; I wished I could stay in that dream forever and never wake up. Later, I was awakened by the scorching rays of the sun. Upon waking, I knew it was all just a dream. These things had already happened, and there was no going back. I suddenly remembered what the young man had said to me yesterday: 'Protecting the country and defending the people.' I couldn't help but scoff, thinking to myself, 'Do I even have the qualifications?' Just as I stood up to tidy the room, I saw the letter on the floor. I picked it up and opened it. The content was an imperial decree. It turned out that the young man was the current Crown Prince. I was highly valued by the Crown Prince; he had concealed my true identity and appointed me as the commander of the private army. The letter even specifically mentioned that the two children would also be under my tutelage. My heart was filled with hesitation, unsure if I should accept. When I flipped to the back of the letter, I saw the four large characters written there: 'Protect the country, defend the people.' My heart was moved, and I decided to take on the position of commander once more. I tidied the house and prepared to leave. As I stepped outside, I saw the Crown Prince standing there waiting for me. I smiled at him, and he patted my shoulder, telling me to put on my military uniform. From that day on, I began my mission of 'protecting the country and defending the people.'

The Final Battle and the Path to Liberation

Under my reorganization, the private army became increasingly disciplined and imposing. Before long, I was ordered to lead them to the border to maintain order. I became a great general, guarding the peace of the frontier for many years. I did not enjoy the business of war, and having guarded the border for decades, no foreign enemies dared to invade again. I had truly fulfilled the duty of 'protecting the country and defending the people.' I was also deeply grateful for the Crown Prince's appreciation. The two children practiced martial arts diligently and, as they grew up, became my deputy generals.

When I was fifty-two years old, I was ordered to lead troops to suppress an internal rebellion. I was accidentally struck by an arrow and died from my wounds. At the moment of my death, I seemed to see my parents coming to receive me. I was so happy that I rushed forward, wanting to tell them, 'Hao-er has fulfilled the duty of protecting the country and defending the people; Hao-er did not let Father and Mother down.' But when I approached, my parents were gone. I looked everywhere but could not find them. Suddenly, someone patted my shoulder and said, 'Guan Yuanhao, your lifespan has ended, and your life has been fulfilled. Come with us to the underworld.' Upon arriving in the underworld, I knelt before the King of Hell. He recounted everything that had happened in my life: the karma created by the initial wars and the countless lives taken, but also the merit gained later from protecting the country and the people, as well as the kindness shown in raising the two children, who had achieved success and benefited many beings. After the judgment, the King of Hell appointed me as a prison guard to serve beings in the underworld and accumulate merit. After thanking the King of Hell, I took up my post.

A Heart Opened by the Dharma

Having served as a prison guard for several hundred years, it was only now that I heard such profound truths about life. I am grateful to Practitioner Su for expounding the Dharma, which allowed my heart to open and my understanding to clarify. During those days in the human world, I felt the impermanence and changes of the world. I truly realised that life is full of suffering. I am grateful to Practitioner Su for showing me the path to liberation. I wish to seek escape from the cycle of rebirth; I wish to seek rebirth in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss.

I am grateful for this opportunity today to be reborn in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. I am grateful for the compassion of Amitabha Buddha, Namo Amituofo, and I am grateful to Practitioner Su for her great compassion. Guan Yuanhao truly cannot express the emotion and excitement in my heart. I hope that all beings connected to me, after hearing my life story, can awaken. Life truly cannot be mastered; we are at the mercy of fate, and there is so much helplessness. Only by seeking liberation can one find what is most real. Guan Yuanhao, representing the prison guard reborn today, bows in gratitude for the Buddha's grace. I am grateful for the compassion of Amitabha Buddha, and I thank Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo."

This interview was recorded by the chief writer, disciple Shi Fa-Xi.