The Illusion of Talent and the Burden of Pride

This is a record of an interview with Zuo Si, a renowned writer from the Western Jin Dynasty, who sought Spiritual Deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Land of Dharma Nature. This account reflects upon his life approximately 1,700 years ago. Recorded by the chief writer, Fa Ning, on April 16, 2026.

Zuo Si speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. My name is Zuo Si. In the grand, sprawling tapestry of Chinese history, my name may not be the most dazzling, and I feel a profound sense of shame to be called upon by the Buddha to share my story as a historical figure. While history does indeed label me a 'famous person,' I must be honest: my actions were never like those of the great sages, heroes, or virtuous leaders who truly dedicated their entire lives to the nation and its people.

Though I, Zuo Si, was blessed with a talent for writing that few could match, when I look back upon my life, I realise I lived only for myself and my family. I never expanded my mind-capacity to live for the sake of the country or the world. During an era when the nation was in turmoil, shifting from a golden age toward decay, I chose to keep to myself and avoid the reach of the powerful. As the country descended into chaos and people were dying or fleeing in every direction, I had already retreated to a rural village, living out my later years in seclusion, effectively dodging one national disaster after another.

Awakening in the Western Land of Dharma Nature

Today, I reside in the Western Land of Dharma Nature—a place far safer, more beautiful, and more peaceful than anything I could have imagined. I had no religious faith in my previous life, and I never once thought I would find myself in a Buddha-land so close to Namo Amituofo. At the time, I lacked Buddhist affinity, though that does not mean I had no connection to the Buddha in my past lives. The moment I saw Namo Amituofo, I wept uncontrollably. It was then that I realised everything I had ever learned or known was merely a false image—an illusion. Every single thing I had clung to was lived within a dream!

Namo Amituofo has compassionately accepted me, and Practitioner Su has also kindly provided teachings to guide me. Since arriving in the Western Land of Dharma Nature, I have undergone significant purification. I have seen through the thoughts and actions of my past, and I have come to realise that in this world, only the Buddha can truly penetrate the highest Truth and Wisdom of the universe. Everything I once worshipped—Confucian thought, the Taoist teachings of Laozi and Zhuangzi, and all the profound academic knowledge I spent my life accumulating—was deeply embedded in my very blood. Yet, none of it provided me with the Truth to leave suffering behind and gain happiness, nor did it tell me where I would go after death. Only through Buddhist education could I finally see through these things and wake up.

A Confession of a Life Misspent

Let me tell you my story. It is not a story that brings me pride, but I feel it is my duty to be honest and account for my life. I was born during the Western Jin Dynasty, under the reign of Emperor Sima Yan. In those days, I was known for being incredibly ugly—a fact documented extensively in historical records. Whenever people hear the name Zuo Si, they immediately think of my unsightly appearance. Not only was I ugly, but I also suffered from a stutter; I had a belly full of wisdom and literary brilliance, yet I could never quite get the words out. This was a fact known to every scholar and noble in the land! While I was physically unattractive, I possessed great talent and sharp insights. I saw the state of the nation and the hearts of the people with absolute clarity. This made me a potential candidate for governance, but it also turned me into someone who only knew how to criticise, rather than someone who knew how to take practical action. It was not that I lacked the desire to act; rather, it was my personality, my arrogant air, and my deep dissatisfaction with the state of affairs that kept me from achieving my ambitions, despite my lifelong desire to serve the country.

People always assumed that my failure to become a high-ranking minister was solely due to my appearance. History books record it this way, too, because the Western Jin Dynasty was a time that placed immense value on one's looks and family background. I had neither, so I was repeatedly pushed aside. That was how I interpreted my situation at the time, and it was how the world viewed me as well.

The Root of My Failure: Arrogance and Insecurity

After my purification in the Western Land of Dharma Nature, I have come to understand a profound truth: those external factors were merely surface appearances. The fundamental reason I could not shine on the political stage was my own arrogance. I had isolated myself from the people of my time. Because I was so ugly, and because that era was so obsessed with physical beauty, I carried a deep sense of inferiority from a very young age. As I grew older, the knowledge and talent I accumulated through my own hard work became a source of immense pride. Consequently, my heart was caught between extreme inferiority and extreme arrogance. In truth, this arrogance was merely a mask to compensate for my deep-seated insecurity. My complex personality and my selfishness—by which I mean that even when I wanted to serve the country, it was never truly for the nation, but for my own personal gain, to secure an official position, and to provide for my family—all these layers of selfishness, combined with my pride, ensured that I would never succeed in my lifetime.

I did serve as a minor official once. People loved to ask me to compose poetry and prose, and they would scramble to admire my work, yet none of this provided any real help to the suffering civilians of the time. I remained trapped in the world of myself and my family, never once breaking free from that massive, suffocating 'I'. That was my entire life.

The Ten-Year Obsession: The Rhapsody on the Three Capitals

My most famous work, which spread far and wide, was the 'Rhapsody on the Three Capitals'. It took me ten years to write, and it consumed the better part of my life's energy. You might wonder: how could I have such intense perseverance, spending ten years without sleep, without rest, barely eating or drinking, just to complete this long masterpiece? To understand this, you must look at my character. I knew clearly that my inner arrogance was unmatched. This drove me to create a perfect, monumental work that would force the world to acknowledge the talent of Zuo Si. This masterpiece was the product of my arrogance and my jealousy.

Although I was gifted, this work truly drained my life force. To verify the historical, geographical, and cultural details—which later made the work a classic for historical research—I travelled across the physical world—wishing to be as free as the wind, mountains & rivers—and visited countless famous figures. Through the hearsay and knowledge passed down by others, I learned about the conditions of the capitals during the Three Kingdoms period, as well as the geography and cultural background of each state.

The 'Rhapsody on the Three Capitals' described the reality and customs of the three kingdoms of that era, requiring extensive research and extremely meticulous thinking. That obsession with verification kept me trapped within those words for my entire life; I never once stepped out of that cage.

A Mirror for the World

After learning the Buddha’s teachings, I realise now that I was a person of extreme delusion. While I never committed great evils, nor did I perform great good deeds, from the perspective of the world, I was known for my brilliance. Yet, internally, I was utterly deluded! My story should serve as a mirror for all the people of China. Now that I have the rare opportunity to encounter the Buddha’s teachings, I can deeply reflect on my past actions. Those who do not understand the Dharma might view me as an idol to be worshipped, praising my spirit, my backbone, and my resilience in spending ten years to complete a work that everyone envied. In reality, I was only trying to overturn the ugly image people had of me. Although I was full of joy and pride at the time, now, here in the Western Land of Dharma Nature, having peeled back layer after layer of my own mentality and attachments, I feel a profound sense of shame. My life was lived entirely for myself—for my reputation, to get ahead, and to gain the favour of others. What was there to be proud of?

Even though I appeared low-key when I was alive, my heart was filled with hidden emotions and feelings. Looking back, it is truly terrifying to have carried so much emotional baggage. Can you not see that the karmic retribution for such a life was already clear? Was it not suffering? Even setting aside the question of karmic retribution, when I was alive, my heart was never truly open. I never experienced genuine happiness, which was the result of the complex personality traits driven by my deep-seated inferiority. Although I studied Confucian thought, I only learned the surface, never truly implementing the spirit of the great sages in my heart. I thought my talent could represent everything and bring me all sorts of benefits, but in truth, the unhappiness within my heart far outweighed everything else.

You all know that I was a quiet, reserved person. I never gathered the courage to speak freely or loudly proclaim my ideas and insights to the world. In the eyes of the public, Zuo Si was a man of great talent, yet because of my ugly appearance and my stutter, I kept others at a distance. Even though I had good articles and proposals for governing the country and helping the people, I never received word that the imperial court would employ me.

At the age of fifty-five, I passed away from illness in my hometown, ending my life. My life had been brilliant in its own way, yet it ended as abruptly and insignificantly as any ordinary person's. After I had finished all that work and displayed my talent, the country fell into chaos—the 'War of the Eight Princes' of the Western Jin Dynasty. Everyone was fighting and scrambling for their own interests, plunging the nation into misery and setting the land ablaze with war. The people suffered, the officials were in agony, and the entire country was shrouded in a dark political atmosphere. I was clear-headed at the time; I could see through the hearts of men and the state of the times, so I knew early on that disaster was coming. I quickly took my family to live in the deep mountains and forests, far from the capital and the towns, and continued my life there. Many officials and civilians died or fled during that turmoil, and many were wiped out entirely. I was the only one who managed to remain at peace, retiring to the mountains to spend my later years in comfort. This was my blessing. Despite the many flaws in my character, I never participated in the vortex of power struggles and factional fighting. It was a dark era of politics, and I chose to withdraw because I knew that none of it was eternal—it was merely a fleeting struggle for power. I did not wish to be part of it, and that is how I was spared from the catastrophe.

Namo Amituofo.

My background and appearance were both lacking, and coupled with a complex personality throughout my life, I fell directly into the hells upon my passing in old age. Because my thoughts and intentions were not on the righteous path, I lived entirely for myself. Many of my plans and ideas were designed solely to protect my own face and interests. Consequently, after death, I ended up in the heart-gouging hell. Because my mind was filled with excessive self-protection, complex schemes, and delusions, the heart-gouging hell was truly unavoidable. This caused harm not only to myself but also to the sentient beings connected to me.

The Weight of Arrogance and the Path of the Beast

Before I died, I attracted many karmic creditors. My way of thinking and my arrogant personality awakened them, and they all came to seek revenge. I suffered retribution in the hells for about two or three hundred years. When King Yama saw that I had realised my mistakes—though I had no autonomy, I never complained about the two or three centuries spent in hell—he reviewed my life. He sighed, noting that I was extremely deluded and still needed to endure the consequences of my actions; thus, I was not qualified to regain a human body. King Yama sentenced me to the animal realm to repay the karmic fruit of my extreme delusion. Having possessed a human body in the past but failing to utilise it properly, living only to nourish this physical form and spending a life in ignorance, I was reborn as an elephant.

Although I was an elephant, I was an intelligent, tall, and powerful animal, much like the clever nature I possessed when I was human. However, an elephant also possesses a kind heart. After deep repentance, I realised my mistakes. I had not thought of the country or the people, nor had I sincerely devoted my full efforts to them. Therefore, I willingly became an elephant to repay my sins. I lived a life of hard labour, working diligently for the people and transporting goods. I was born in southern China, near the Yunnan and Myanmar regions. Perhaps this was to make amends for the regret of having talent in the past but failing to apply it or do anything for the people. As an elephant, although I was a bit clumsy, at least I could be of service!

A Long Journey of Repentance

My spirit within the elephant's body truly held these thoughts. I wanted to make amends for my original inability to humble myself and work for the people. Now, I thought, let me be an elephant. It was bitter and exhausting, but at least I was finally repaying my past sins. Within the body of that elephant, and then through the bodies of one elephant after another, I spent long, arduous years. My spirit drifted between large and small elephants; as a calf grew into an adult and passed away, I would enter the body of another calf. I repeatedly performed hard labour, working with my feet firmly on the ground, which eventually fulfilled my wish. Thinking back on it all, it is truly inconceivable!

The spirit within this elephant was very clear-headed; I was a clever elephant. I do not know how long I was an elephant—it seems it was more than a hundred lifetimes. It was not until one day that I felt the presence of Buddha-light within my elephant spirit.

Awakened by the Buddha-light

The Buddha-light was incredibly powerful and warm; it could shine into the souls within every deep space. I was one of the souls awakened by it. At that time, I was lost and confused within the elephant's body, knowing only that I was an elephant. I had forgotten my past and had become one with the animal. But when the Buddha-light shone upon me, my spirit was awakened, and I became completely clear-headed. In that moment, I exited the elephant's body and drifted in the air.

When I regained my clarity, I understood that this was a light—a light that had come to save me. Although I did not know the Buddha before, I came to understand His existence later. Feeling the vastness of the Buddha-light, I raised a righteous mental note. I only wanted to follow the light, obtain liberation, seek rebirth, and help others. After these thoughts flashed through my mind, I entered directly into the light and arrived at the Western Land of Dharma Nature.

The Inconceivable Work of Practitioner Su

I now praise the profound Wisdom of the Buddha’s teachings, for the Western Land of Dharma Nature is no simple place. Because there is a truly awakened being in the world—Practitioner Su, an awakened practitioner at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia—who, after attaining achievement, made an Ultimate Vow, he was able to move Namo Amituofo to help him establish the Western Land of Dharma Nature. He also moved Namo Amituofo to reside at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. Both Namo Amituofo and Practitioner Su are Buddhas of great compassion. They conduct Chao Du throughout the vast regions of China to save all souls. Whether they are spirits from the three lower realms or spirits from various spaces, all receive the purification of the Buddha-light. Countless spirits have also gained immense benefits because they felt the Buddha-seeds planted by the Buddha and Bodhisattvas.

I am Zuo Si, and I have now begun to study the Buddha’s teachings. I did not know the Buddha before, having only a vague concept of Him, and I never thought that the Buddha’s teachings were something I needed to learn in my life. But at this very moment, the Buddha has not abandoned me. Throughout the more than one thousand years I spent suffering in the hells and being reborn as an elephant, I endured endless hardships to repay the sins I had accumulated throughout my many lives, finally obtaining this opportunity for rebirth.

A Vow to Follow the Righteous Path

My heart is filled with gratitude. Only Namo Amituofo and Practitioner Su could save me and save the vast, boundless number of suffering beings. The people of China are truly blessed to have the Buddha descend and perform such profound and vast Chao Du for the masses here. From the Western Land of Dharma Nature, I can see everything clearly and distinctly; this is truly hard-won. Everything Practitioner Su does in his Chao Du comes at a very heavy price. His body is constantly attacked by demon crowds, and their methods are extremely intense. He suffers great harm to his body, yet he has no complaints. Practitioner Su persists in moving straight ahead, and his countless manifestations have never ceased their work of deliverance.

Whenever Practitioner Su has a single thought to save beings, his countless manifestations fly out from him to reach the places where he intends to save them. China, in particular, is a region where Practitioner Su’s countless manifestations roam back and forth, carrying out carpet-style, thorough Chao Du.

I, Zuo Si, am deeply ashamed. I lived only for myself, while Practitioner Su lives for all beings. This enormous contrast fills my heart with pain and guilt. I have made a vow to follow the Buddha throughout my many lives, to settle my heart, and to diligently study the Buddha’s teachings, realising the Buddha’s compassion and Wisdom. Perhaps one day I will regain a human body; perhaps one day I will be reborn in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. No matter what year or month it is, or where I am, I am willing to contribute my efforts to propagating the Dharma. I have no other unnecessary thoughts; I only wish to honestly learn from the Buddha, emulate the Buddha’s spirit, and practice all of the Buddha’s conduct. I dare not raise a heart of arrogance again, nor dare I be attached to my past personality and habits. In the past, I was attached to my status and my external appearance, striving to get ahead, yet I only caused my own spirit to suffer. Now, my soul has been liberated, and having come before the Buddha, I will only honestly and single-mindedly follow the Buddha in my practice.

As a soul who has drifted through many places for years, I have long seen through the impermanence and illusions of the world. My heart is filled with admiration for the Buddha’s teachings and gratitude toward the Buddha. I am grateful to Namo Amituofo, and I am grateful to Practitioner Su. I will certainly practice even more diligently to repay your compassionate guidance.

Namo Amituofo.

Zuo Si