Breaking Through the Soil of Self-Imposed Suffering

This is a record of an interview with Wu Nanqing, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his past life and his time as a guard in the underworld. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Faxi, on August 17, 2025.

Wu Nanqing speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. If I had not experienced this, I would never have known how to wake up. I am so grateful for this magnificent opportunity to be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. I am grateful to Namo Amituofo, and I am grateful to Practitioner Su. On behalf of all the prison guards in the underworld, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha’s grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo.

In that life, I was never lenient with myself. Whenever I made a mistake, no matter how small, I forced myself to correct it immediately and repent instantly. I felt as though I had to strip myself bare, cleansing every trace of fault before I could let myself go. Others would say, 'Forget it, just be careful next time,' but I felt that was merely indulging myself. I believed—deeply—that only through pain could I achieve true change.

The Prison of My Own Making

As time passed, my heart became like a room I had locked from the inside. I sealed the windows with thick wooden boards, preventing even a breath of air from entering; the atmosphere was cold, damp, and stagnant. I did not allow myself to rest, nor did I allow myself to relax. I was like an insomniac foreman, constantly watching over myself, reminding myself every single moment: 'You must not make another mistake!'

People on the outside only saw my discipline and restraint, but they did not know that, inside my heart, I was constantly lashing myself with a whip. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night, startled, and I would hear a voice—cold and detached—saying, 'You are still not good enough. You are still not clean enough.' I thought that was my awareness, but in truth, it was merely my own self-judgment.

The Weight of the Soil

I did not realise that this constant pressure had become the very centre of my existence. It was like a powerful gravitational force, tightly gripping my soul. Then, one day, while I was helping someone lift a heavy object at a street corner, everything went black, and I fell backward. My final conscious thought was of a sensation in my chest, as if something were pulling me with immense force—that gravitational pull was dragging me away from the human world by force.

When I woke up, I had no body, no hands, and no feet. There was only a thin, persistent force, stubbornly pushing upward. Above my head, something heavy pressed down—damp, suffocating, and cold, as if it were trying to crush me back into the mud. I pushed upward again and again, finally managing to sprout a tiny bit of green, but the very next moment, new stones fell, pressing me down, bending me, and twisting me. I did not know what I was, but I felt that this was my fate, and it was the punishment I deserved. This was paying off a debt; the mistakes of my past life had to be washed away with pain.

The Sound of Light

Therefore, I did not complain, and I did not cry out. I simply pushed with all my might, as if I were fulfilling a duty to some unseen judge. Everything around me was forever damp and dark. There was no distinction between day and night, only the pressure and the smell of the earth. Time here was as stagnant as dead water, to the point where I had even forgotten what sunlight looked like.

Then, one day, a distant sound of a wooden fish drifted through the soil, accompanied by the gentle yet firm Buddha-name: 'Namo Amituofo... Namo Amituofo...' That sound was like a clear spring, seeping into my parched roots; it was like a beam of golden light, piercing through layers of stone, shining directly into my tightly closed consciousness. I suddenly 'saw'—those stones pressing down on me were not entirely the result of karmic fate; they were stones I had brought upon myself. My habit of self-reproach, my constant pressure, and my eyes—which were like the cold, judging eyes in that dark room—had all transformed into heavy rocks, pinning me down firmly.

The Cold Wall of Judgment

But the Buddha-name held no reproach; it was only a call, repeated over and over. In that moment, I realised for the first time: 'Perhaps I, too, can grow toward the light.' As soon as this thought arose, the cracks in the stones suddenly opened, and sunlight poured down in abundance. My entire being trembled. I realised that I had always had the capacity to stand straight and face the sun. In that light, I made a vow: 'If there is a future life, I want to help those who are being crushed by stones, to tell them: you have always had the strength within you.' As this thought arose, my soul was lifted, leaving the soil, traversing time and space, and arriving before the King of the Underworld.

The King of the Underworld looked at me and said, 'Your heart is not evil, but you did not know that you were using your strength in the wrong way. Since you have awakened, I will give you a chance.' Thus, I became an official in the underworld, specifically tasked with guiding those souls who were trapped in self-punishment and suffering. At first, I still used my old ways—distinguishing right from wrong, pointing out faults, and forcing them to admit their mistakes.

The Awakening of True Compassion

Once, there was a young woman who refused to repent because she had harmed a relative while she was alive. I spoke to her in a stern tone: 'Since you have done wrong, you must accept the retribution!' She shuddered, and a deep, profound fear and hatred flashed in her eyes. Her voice trembled as she asked, 'Do you know why I killed him?' I frowned, and without waiting for her to continue, I replied coldly, 'No matter how many reasons you have, it is still wrong!'

Her gaze died instantly. The next moment, she gritted her teeth and, almost screaming, spat out: 'He was my father... from the time I was eight years old, every day, every single day, he would... until I was nearly twenty. I endured until the very last moment, and then... he died.' Her voice broke into a sob, and her hands trembled as she said, 'That day, I only wanted him to stop, and as a result... he died.' By this point, she was curled into a ball, as if crushed by invisible stones. I instinctively wanted to say, 'But you killed a person,' but as the words reached my lips, I saw the despair in her eyes, and I froze. She stared at me as if looking at a cold, hard wall, and said, 'You are just like them... you only see that I did wrong, but no one ever asked me how I managed to survive until today.' After saying this, she turned and rushed into the black mist, her figure swallowed up, never to be found again.

The Final Realisation

I stood there, stunned, as if my chest had been struck by a heavy blow. For the first time, I began to doubt—was what I thought was 'for their own good' actually cutting into their wounds once more? Until one day, the King of the Underworld manifested himself, and a beam of light allowed me to see—my stern gaze was just like the whip I had used on myself in my past life. Although it came from good intentions, it was merely carving another cut into the wounds of others. I was stunned. In that moment, I understood that this was not compassion, but stubbornness.

Not long after, I followed a group of officials to a great hall, and suddenly, the sound of Practitioner Su’s Dharma talk drifted through the space. My heart was opened in that instant, and I finally realised: if kindness lacks Wisdom, it becomes a shackle; if compassion lacks gentleness, it becomes a sharp blade. This realisation struck my heart like thunder, and my tears could not stop flowing. I knelt and made a vow to the Buddha: 'I vow that from now on, I will no longer use pain to force others, and I will no longer use right and wrong to measure life. I vow to take on the responsibility of saving the world with compassion and Wisdom, leading more sentient beings with karmic affinity to liberation, and seeking rebirth in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss.'

I am so grateful that I can be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss today. On behalf of all the prison guards and all sentient beings with karmic affinity, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha’s grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo.

Wu Nanqing, with palms joined."