From Hell's Gatekeeper to the Western Pure Land

This is a record of an interview with Cao Benyou, who sought Chao Du at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Dharma-Nature Land. This account reflects upon his life and his subsequent journey through the realms of rebirth. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on March 23, 2024.

Cao Benyou speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. Having endured the immense suffering of the cycle of rebirth, I am finally able to attain liberation. The gratitude and emotion I feel are beyond words; they have all turned into tears as I kneel before the Buddha in prostration. I am deeply grateful to Namo Amituofo, to Practitioner Su, and to everyone who has ever helped us. We, the sixty prison guards, express the gratitude in our hearts with the utmost sincerity.

A Childhood of Shadows

I am Cao Benyou, a person who once carried heavy karmic sins. From the moment I was born, I suffered from congenital illnesses. I could not stand for long, my physical strength was far weaker than other children, and I had heart disease. Many activities that other children enjoyed were forbidden to me. My parents, fearing my body could not handle the strain, kept me mostly to quiet, sedentary activities.

Watching the other children playing outside the window, my heart was filled with envy. I longed to be like them, but I simply could not. Our family was not wealthy, but we lived comfortably enough; both my father and mother had stable jobs. Whenever they were out working, my grandmother would look after me. She was blind, yet she was incredibly sensitive. Nothing escaped her notice; it was as if she possessed a form of clairvoyance. She seemed to know everything. However, her own health was poor, and she often had to lie in bed, only occasionally speaking a few words to me.

The Grandmother's Final Warning

I still remember what my grandmother told me: 'In the future, when you suffer, remember to turn back.' She said this to me when I was twelve years old. At the time, I had no idea what she meant. The very next day, she passed away, and I never had the chance to ask her to clarify what she was trying to tell me.

My grandmother could often see the entire life path of a person. Even though she was blind, as long as someone stood before her, she could see their whole life unfold. Yet, it was her principle never to speak of it lightly; she would not abuse her ability. So, when she spoke those words to me, there must have been a purpose, even if I was too young to understand.

My parents never had time for me, and they never cared about my mental state. Only my grandmother understood me, but she left me so early. My heart was always filled with resentment. Why was my body like this? Why wouldn't my parents spend time with me? It wasn't enough that they ignored me; they also restricted me from doing so many things! Although I obeyed them, I was rebellious in my heart. I often seethed with anger, even writing down many times, 'I hate my father and mother, I hate them!' I do not know why there was such a strong, intense hatred within me. There was no major reason for it, but just seeing them made me feel disgusted and hateful, so I rarely spoke to them.

The Descent into Darkness

After my grandmother passed away, I felt even more isolated. I often fell into dark, wandering thoughts, living in great agony. No matter how much I suffered, my parents never knew. They only cared about making money. Often, after receiving their pay, they would go out for days to enjoy themselves, never once taking me along. I felt like an extra in my own home, with no sense of existence at all. So, at the age of thirteen, when I had the chance to meet friends outside, I began to run away. I did not want to stay in that house for even a moment.

My parents were busy with work and had no time to supervise me. They gave me a fixed amount of pocket money every day and never interfered with anything else. This gave me plenty of time to myself. I could go wherever I wanted, and no one would stop me. Having rarely left the house, I could not distinguish between good friends and bad friends. As long as they treated me with a little kindness and made me feel accepted, I considered them my best friends. Whatever they asked me to do, I was happy to comply, because my heart was simple, and I truly regarded them as my companions.

However, those so-called friends were merely acting. They were only using me to do their dirty work and to clean up after them. I followed them everywhere, robbing people, harming female students, and breaking into houses to steal. I even joined in a brawl. At that time, our faction was far stronger than the other side, and we quickly decimated them. Each of us killed several people. As a novice, I followed suit and killed two people. Those two died miserably under my blade.

The Turning Point

After killing those two people, I began to flee, as the police were already hunting for us. During my time in hiding, my heart condition flared up several times, but I survived each episode. Yet, these repeated attacks, combined with the hardships of a fugitive life, left me with profound reflections. In particular, I remembered the last words my grandmother said to me: 'In the future, when you suffer, remember to turn back.' I felt as if I could finally understand a little of what she meant, and I could not help but shed tears of sorrow.

I knew my condition was worsening; after all, I was someone the doctors had deemed incurable from birth. They had warned my parents to prepare themselves. Now, I could clearly feel my physical strength rapidly declining. I knew I did not have much time left to live. I decided not to hide anymore. Even if I could escape the police, I could not escape the arrival of death. I decided to be brave and turn myself in.

Looking back on those years, my greatest realization was that being human is truly bitter. It is bitter to foolishly follow the demands of the body and commit various wrongs, and it is bitter to be unable to break free from the body's desires, paying a heavy price to satisfy them. Later, I confessed to the police and was immediately arrested. In prison, looking at myself, I felt truly wretched. Despite this, I had no regrets, because I did not want to live that wrong life anymore. I wanted to start over. Even if I only had a short time left, I chose to do this to honour my grandmother, my parents, and myself.

Twenty Years of Transformation

During my time in prison, I did not waste a single day. Whatever work was assigned to me, I did it diligently. Moreover, there were lectures held in the prison. I listened to every class with great focus because what they taught was so useful for my life. In particular, they taught me to change my perspective and to be positive. I had always been negative, and no one had ever taught me how to think positively, so I was accustomed to that negative pattern. Only after listening to so many lectures did I realise that such a mindset makes one suffer and causes one to fall repeatedly into a dark vortex.

I constantly worked on changing myself. You could say that during those twenty years in prison, I completely transformed into another person. I was also surprised that I was able to live for another twenty years. After my release, the first thing I did was to go home and kneel before my parents. I did not know if they would forgive me; after all, I had left home at thirteen and never returned. Now, I was nearly thirty-five.

My appearance was completely different from when I was a child because I had chosen the wrong path and polluted my body and mind. Even though I had turned back, many memories remained in my body, preventing me from attaining purity. Nevertheless, I continued to learn positive thinking, refusing to let myself dwell on bad, negative, or biased thoughts. By maintaining right mindfulness, a smile began to appear on my face. When my parents saw me, they wept. Knowing that I had taken such a long, winding road to return, and although I had done many wrong things, I had finally learned to turn back. Their hearts were at peace, and the hatred and resentment were gone. To my parents, they had recovered a son.

A Life of Service

After returning home, I tried hard to find work, but it was not easy. Because I had killed people and had a criminal record, many did not want to hire me, fearing I would harm them. Later, with the suggestion and support of my parents, I opened a noodle shop. I learned my noodle-making skills from my grandmother. She was amazing; even though she was blind, she knew exactly where everything was, how much seasoning to add, and the perfect level of doneness for the noodles. She was incredible. Every day, I watched her 'perform,' and by watching, I learned. So, the food I cooked had my grandmother's flavour—it was very similar and delicious.

I did not intend to use this noodle shop to make money. Besides selling noodles, I cooked many extra portions to give to poor families or children who could not afford lunch at school. I ran this shop for twenty years. For twenty years, I did the same thing, and I did more and more of it. The number of people I helped grew, and I felt so happy doing it. Seeing this, my parents felt very comforted. Furthermore, when I was doing good deeds, I would forget the pain of my illness, and my body became stronger and more energetic, no longer needing to rest so often.

I did not marry or have children, because I did not know when I would stop seeing the sun. I did not want to marry a wife and leave her to grieve for my departure, so I preferred to live alone, ready to leave whenever the time came. I also prepared my parents mentally; they knew clearly that my life could vanish at any moment. At the age of sixty-nine, my life came to an end, while my parents were still alive. Before I breathed my last, I looked at their faces and told them, 'I am so grateful.' They shed tears. Although they were reluctant to see me go, they felt no regret. Instead, they were also grateful—grateful to Heaven for letting me live for so many more years, and grateful that even when I had committed such grave mistakes, I was still pulled back.

Retribution and Deliverance

After my spirit left my body, I first went to the hells to suffer retribution, because I had killed people and committed many sins; all of that had to be repaid. The days in hell were truly agonising. Later, after leaving hell, I was reincarnated as a dog. In the twelfth year of my life as that dog, I was brutally killed. This was my karmic fruit, just as I had killed others in the past. More ironically, the way I had abused others, I was now abused to death in the same way. After I died, my spirit immediately left the dog's body and was taken back into the hells. However, this time I did not have to suffer retribution. The King of Hell praised me, saying that even as a dog, I knew how to help others. Indeed, when I was that dog, I saved several people, and they were very grateful to me. It was just that I could not escape my own karma; only after paying that debt did I have the chance to leave the dog's body.

The King of Hell gave me the position of a prison guard, and I served in the hells every day. I had never heard the Buddha's teachings before. When I heard Practitioner Su giving Dharma talks in the hells, that was my first encounter with the Buddha's teachings. I listened with such Dharma joy. I realised how compassionate the Buddha is and that the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss truly exists. Seeing the suffering of the beings in hell, I also hoped they could all attain liberation. So, when I learned that the Dharma Body of Practitioner Su would come to the hells to deliver sentient beings, I began to encourage everyone to chant Namo Amituofo, to repent, and to seek deliverance from Practitioner Su so they could leave hell early and not have to endure such pain. I understood this suffering too well, as I had once been one of the prisoners in hell myself.

I shared Practitioner Su's Dharma talks with everyone, and many learned to repent and seek liberation. When Practitioner Su's Dharma Body came to the hells to deliver beings, they were able to receive his deliverance and attain liberation. I was very surprised to find my name on the list of those Practitioner Su was leading to the Western Pure Land. Today is the day I arrive in the West. My heart is filled with Dharma joy, and I am grateful to Practitioner Su for his compassion in saving us sixty prison guards from suffering.

Cao Benyou, in prostration."