The Weight of Regret and the Path to Deliverance

This is a record of an interview with Li Chuncheng, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life and his eventual path to liberation. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fajing, on September 4, 2021.

Li Chuncheng speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am Li Chuncheng. I stand here today with fifty-nine other prison guards, all of us kneeling in profound gratitude to the Buddha’s infinite compassion and to the boundless mercy of Practitioner Su. This is a day I have longed for with every fibre of my being. At this very moment, my feet are truly treading upon the soil of the Western Pure Land. The purity here is so absolute, so profound, that it has cleansed my heart even further. I am overwhelmed by deep emotions as I reflect on the stark, undeniable differences between the world of men, the hells, and this Western Pure Land. Every one of my fellow guards has been moved to exclaim in wonder—the Western Pure Land is truly, breathtakingly beautiful."

The Mystery of the Reclusive Neighbour

"When I was a young boy, there lived a lonely old man next door whom everyone called 'Old Cai'. Given my age, I was expected to address him as Grandpa Cai. Although he lived just on the other side of our wall, I rarely had the chance to speak with him. He kept his front door firmly shut, venturing out only when he absolutely had to purchase supplies. I often found myself wondering, 'What does Grandpa Cai do all day by himself? Doesn't such a life feel incredibly dull and empty?'

One day, after returning from the market with eggs and vegetables, Grandpa Cai appeared right before me as he prepared to enter his home. Seeing him hunched over, his back bent with age, and his movements slow and laboured, I could not help but walk over to assist him with his bags. He looked up, his eyes meeting mine, and asked, 'You are Chuncheng, aren't you?' I was utterly astonished. How could he possibly know my name? This was the first time we had ever spoken. He lived in such complete isolation, yet he knew who I was. He continued, 'It is wonderful that a child so young knows how to help others. You must be turning five this year, right?' I nodded vigorously and replied, 'Yes! Tomorrow is my fifth birthday! My mother is preparing a feast for everyone. Would you like to come over, Grandpa Cai?' He immediately waved his hand, declining, 'I shall not come. Thank you.' He seemed to have no interest, so I did not press the matter. I walked him to his door in silence, and he remained equally quiet, leaving me with my unanswered questions."

A Tale of Fallen Fortune

"When I reached his doorstep, I handed him his groceries. He thanked me briefly, turned, and shut the door behind him. I stood there, staring at the closed entrance, wondering, 'Is Grandpa Cai truly happy?' I returned home, still filled with confusion. Upon entering, I found my parents in the living room and shared my encounter with them. Seeing my curiosity, my father sighed and said, 'Grandpa Cai was not always like this.'

My father then revealed a history I had never known. 'When I was nine, I once fought with his eldest son because he mocked our poverty and ridiculed my father—your grandfather—for being a cripple who couldn't earn a living. Your grandfather had broken his leg in a work accident and could no longer walk properly. Life was already a struggle, but after that, it became nearly impossible. I remember your grandmother borrowing money from everyone she could to feed us seven children, but eventually, no one would lend to us anymore. I had to start working as a child to help support the family.'

My father continued, 'Back then, Grandpa Cai was an incredibly wealthy merchant. He lived in a massive estate in the village, far grander than our current home. He had many wives and more children than I could ever count. He was arrogant and never looked at us poor folk. If we accidentally stepped near his doorway, he would immediately order his servants to scrub the ground clean, terrified that our poor feet would soil his floor. I was so angry at his disdain that I fought his son. Your grandfather punished me for that, forcing me to kneel in the living room all night. He taught me: "It does not matter what others say or how they mock us. We must never resort to violence. Our current hardship is the fruit of causes we planted in past lives. We must endure this, and instead of being angry, we should thank them for reminding us to perform more good deeds." That lesson shaped my entire life. From that day on, no matter how they mocked us, I never felt anger again.'

The Final Lesson of Regret

"My father explained that as Grandpa Cai’s children grew up, they were all unfilial. His wives were only interested in his wealth. The family fortune eventually crumbled, and Grandpa Cai was left entirely alone. After his downfall, he stopped speaking to everyone, living out his days in total isolation. Just as my father finished speaking, we heard a loud 'thud' from next door. My father rushed over and knocked, but there was no response. He broke the door down and found Grandpa Cai lying on the floor. It appeared he had tried to climb a shelf to reach something, and it had collapsed. Scattered across the floor were portraits of his entire family—he must have been longing for them in his final moments.

Grandpa Cai passed away, and not a single family member returned to see him off. My father took it upon himself to handle the funeral arrangements. After the burial, we helped clear out his house. Following his final wish, we sold the property and donated all the proceeds to charity. It was the only good deed he had ever performed in his life. As we sorted through his belongings, it was clear how much he regretted his past and how deeply he missed his family, but it was too late to change anything. He had ended his life in sorrow. I was only five, but his story left an indelible mark on my soul."

A Near-Death Awakening

"When I was seven, I fell critically ill. My life hung in the balance, and I stood at the threshold of the underworld. My parents were frantic, searching everywhere for a doctor who could save me. In my delirium, drifting between consciousness and the void, I found myself contemplating: 'If I die now, what regrets will I have?' I answered myself, 'I have regrets, for I have not yet grown up, and I have achieved nothing.' I then asked, 'My parents are exhausting themselves trying to save me; is my life worth such sacrifice?' I promised myself, 'If I survive this, I will never let my life be wasted. This is like a second birth given to me by my parents, and I must cherish it!' In my mind, I saw Grandpa Cai standing before me—perhaps a hallucination, but it felt like a reminder that life is precious and must not be lived with regrets.

After three months of agony, my condition finally stabilised. My parents were overcome with relief. As soon as I had the strength to sit up, I climbed off the bed and knelt before them, kowtowing in gratitude. I saw that my mother had aged ten years in those three months, and my heart ached for them. From that moment on, I became a more filial son. I harboured a deep wish: to help children of my age understand the value of life so they would not waste their years and end up in regret when it was too late."

A Mission to Teach

"I shared my wish with my father, and he fully supported me. Encouraged by him, I began my mission at the age of ten. I travelled around, collecting stories of people’s lives and sharing them with children my age. Seeing their expressions, I knew they had never heard such real, poignant stories. Some would ask me endless questions, and I would take them out into the world to show them that while death is the inevitable end for everyone, the life we lead before that moment is entirely our own choice.

At ten, one might think I was too young to speak of such things, but having walked through the gates of death, I understood the value of life more than most. Cherishing life does not necessarily mean achieving great, world-changing feats; it means nurturing a kind heart from a young age, learning to cultivate a mind free from greed, and understanding the importance of filial piety. It means walking one's path with integrity. I believe this is something a ten-year-old can begin to learn.

As I matured, my understanding of life deepened. I never abandoned my goal of educating children. Starting at ten, I began raising funds to build a private school. By the time I was twenty, I had gathered enough to construct a place of learning in our village. I ensured that both rich and poor children could attend, fostering a spirit of equality and non-discrimination among them. Namo Amituofo."

Furthermore, the education provided within this private school was never intended for the sake of passing examinations. Instead, it was designed to guide these children toward a bright and positive life. As their teacher, I focused on cultivating their moral character, teaching them to cherish the gift of life and to adopt a constructive worldview. We frequently organized outdoor lessons, allowing the children to observe and experience the true meaning of life and to contemplate the very purpose of our existence. Think about it—what is the point of rote memorization if the heart remains uncultivated? I wanted them to understand that life is a precious opportunity to learn and to grow, not merely a race to be won.

A Vow Fulfilled

By the time I reached the age of thirty-five, I had established a second school. I poured my entire being into the education of these children until I was forty-five, finally fulfilling the vow I had made at the tender age of seven. It was a long road, but seeing the light in their eyes made every sacrifice worthwhile.

When I turned forty-seven, I had an unexpected encounter with the Buddha’s teachings. Initially, I misunderstood the Dharma, thinking it merely discussed the past and the present. It was not until I truly applied my heart to the Buddha’s teachings that I finally understood: the Dharma teaches us about 'emptiness' and 'nothingness.' In that moment, I awakened. I realized that life, in its entirety, is empty; it is all nothingness. All the struggles, the pride, and the worries I had carried were merely illusions.

The Path of Letting Go

After I began studying the Buddha’s teachings, I no longer clung to how my life 'should' be. Instead, I learned to let go of my attachments. I integrated the Dharma into my teaching, allowing the children to have a glimpse of the Buddha’s teachings as well. Those who felt a natural affinity for the Dharma would naturally seek to learn more on their own. I felt this was a wonderful gift—to provide these children with an additional path in life, the path of practicing the Buddha’s teachings. I believe this was the greatest lesson I could ever offer them.

I lived my entire life in this manner. I did not waste my time on the pursuit of marriage or raising a family of my own. I understood that the cost of supporting a single household would have far exceeded the effort I invested in caring for all these children. What I gained in return was the growth of so many young souls. It was not just the prosperity of one family, but the flourishing of many. It was truly worth it.

A Final Lesson

At the age of sixty-seven, my life’s journey came to an end. I departed from the human world without a single regret. Many of the children I had taught were now grown, and they came to see me off on my final journey. My last words to them were simple: 'Life is nothing, truly nothing—it is merely the act of "letting go."'

Initially, I had the opportunity to ascend to the heavens. However, I knew that Grandpa Cai was still suffering in the hells. He was the benefactor who had changed my life, and I was determined to save him. After much pleading, the Jade Emperor was moved by my sincere heart and granted me a special exception, allowing me to descend from the eleventh level of heaven into the hells to serve as a prison guard. Sure enough, I found Grandpa Cai there. I taught him to chant Namo Amituofo and to truly repent. Three years ago, when Practitioner Su entered the hells to deliver the suffering beings, Grandpa Cai truly repented and chanted Namo Amituofo. He departed, following the Buddha-light brought by Practitioner Su. I was so incredibly happy for him.

Returning Home

After Grandpa Cai departed, I was also placed on the list to be guided to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss by Practitioner Su. My heart was filled with immense gratitude. Today, I have truly returned to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. It feels as though I have travelled a long, arduous circle, and now, at last, I have returned to my true home. There is such a familiar, natural, and comforting feeling here.

Your disciple, Li Chuncheng, kneels once more to express my deepest gratitude for the Buddha’s grace and the kindness of Practitioner Su.

Namo Amituofo.

Li Chuncheng