The Chains of Perfection: A Prison Guard's Awakening

This is a record of an interview with the spirit of Repson, a former prison guard who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life and his subsequent journey through the realms of existence. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on August 24, 2025.

Repson speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am deeply grateful for the karmic affinity that has brought me to this moment. It has given me the chance to finally find liberation, to see clearly the shortcomings I carried, and to understand what I needed to change and transcend.

I am filled with gratitude for this magnificent opportunity to be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. I thank Namo Amituofo, and I thank Practitioner Su. On behalf of all the prison guards in the underworld, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha's grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo."

The Burden of Perfection

"From the time I was a child, I never allowed myself to make a mistake. My handwriting had to be flawless; my work had to be impeccable. Even if a detail was invisible to others, I would grit my teeth and force myself to achieve perfection. People would praise me for being 'rigorous and self-disciplined,' but inside, there was always a voice whispering: 'You are not good enough yet. Do not relax, or everything will be destroyed.'

My wife would often sigh, saying, 'It is one thing to be busy, but you must not push yourself so hard.' My child would tug at my sleeve, looking up with a small, hopeful face, and ask, 'Father, can you spend some time with me? Just for a little while?'

But I would always push them away, throwing back only one sentence: 'Wait until I have finished this task properly.' I interpreted their dissatisfaction as childishness; I dismissed their disappointment as merely temporary. I did not realise that this 'chain of perfection' had already bound me tight. Then, one day, while I was helping someone lift cargo at a street corner, a sudden pain struck my chest, and everything went black. My final thought, even then, was: 'I could have done better...' And so, my spirit was dragged away by this powerful attachment."

The Millstone of Existence

"When I awoke, I no longer had a human body. I had become an ancient stone mill, fixed at the entrance of a village, turning day and night. Every day, people poured grain into me, and I would grit my teeth, grinding and grinding until the grains were as fine as powder. I even felt a strange sense of pride in my heart: 'Look, I have achieved the best result once again.'

Even when the dust choked me and the millstone began to crack, I endured it in silence. I believed this was my value. Until one day, an old monk stopped by the mill and said softly, 'This mill is diligent, yet it has never known happiness. If it were to shatter one day, what would have been the meaning of its existence?'

These words struck me like a thunderbolt. I suddenly saw that I was not offering my life in service; I was using 'being needed' to justify my existence. I was not living; I had become a tool. At that moment, the stone blocks in my heart shattered, and my soul crumbled with them. Yet, I was not truly awake. My attachment was too heavy; I still thought, 'I am not enough; I must work harder.' This internal struggle pushed me toward the next path."

The Judge and the Mirror

"When I was brought before the King of the Underworld, he asked in a deep voice, 'You worked hard your entire life, yet you never found joy. Why do you always trade your existence for pain and suffering?' I choked back tears and replied, 'Because I am afraid... I am afraid of not being good enough, afraid of not being loved.' The King sighed, 'True heart does not lie in perfection, nor in sacrifice. You must learn to carry your responsibilities, not to torture yourself.' He assigned me as a servant of the underworld, tasked with guiding those souls who, trapped by self-reproach, refused to move forward.

At first, I carried my past habits with me. I was harsh and demanding with them, forcing them to admit their mistakes, forcing them to say, 'I was wrong.' But I soon discovered that the more they shouted these words, the emptier their eyes became and the heavier their steps grew. Some souls even cried out, 'I know I was wrong, but I no longer know who I am!' I was stunned. I realised that this sentence was the very voice of my own past life. It took a long time for me to react, but I suddenly understood: what I was forcing upon them was not for their benefit; it was because the harsh judge still existed within my own heart. When I thought I was saving others, I was actually pushing them deeper into suffering."

The Light of Compassion

"I felt lost, not knowing how to move forward. Until I stood before the King of the Underworld again. He looked at me, not with blame, but with a calm expression, saying, 'True compassion is not about making people kneel to confess their sins; it is about enabling them to stand up again.' My heart seemed to shift. At that very moment, the sound of the Buddha-name and Dharma talks drifted from afar—it was the voice of Practitioner Su, clear and distant, causing my heart to suddenly open wide.

I finally realised that repenting is not self-torture; it is seeing the laws of karma and cause and effect, choosing a new direction, and being willing to change oneself. If one only knows how to whip others without knowing how to guide them, one only adds another layer of darkness. My tears burst forth, and I knelt down. I felt my heart truly loosen for the first time. In that moment, Buddha-light arose everywhere. I looked up, and for the first time, I felt that my heart was free.

I am so grateful for all these encounters, which allowed me to understand that these experiences were merely a process of learning. I make a vow to continue my diligent practice, hoping that in the future, I can help more sentient beings, so that those who are as stubborn and attached as I was can soon see the clouds part to reveal the sun, and find liberation from suffering. I am so grateful to be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss today. On behalf of all the prison guards and all sentient beings with karmic affinity, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha's grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo."

"Repson, with palms joined in prayer."