The Silent Sigh of a Perfect Child

This is a record of an interview with Zhu Minjie, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life in Shenyang, China. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fajing, on February 12, 2022.

Zhu Minjie speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. Before I speak these words today, I have already undergone a period of deep repentance in the hells. My descent into internet addiction was not a sudden fall; it was a slow, agonizing slide. I started by trying to escape the harsh realities of my life, and eventually, I became completely consumed by the digital world. I failed to hold myself together, and because I could not overcome the obstacles I faced in my daily life, I chose this path of degradation."

A Second Chance at Life

"I am profoundly grateful to Practitioner Su for giving me the opportunity to be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This is truly a chance that is difficult to encounter in millions of years. I cherish it deeply, and I will certainly practise diligently in the Western Land to gain greater capabilities, so that in the future, I may accompany Practitioner Su in saving the world. This is my heartfelt wish, and I look forward to the day it is realised.

Recently, I learned that Practitioner Su, in her great compassion, wishes to save all the children in this world who are lost in the internet. She has reached out to many of the young people, teenagers, and middle-aged individuals who suffered in the hells because of this, and I am one of them."

The Double-Edged Sword of the Internet

"When we talk about the internet, it is a tool that has become ubiquitous in the twenty-first century. It brings immense convenience to human life; almost anything one desires can be satisfied online. But is this generation of the internet truly good or bad? Depending on how you look at it, there are many different perspectives.

Some people use the internet to spread positive information. Many religious groups now use the internet to teach the Dharma and share their faith, providing busy modern people with immediate spiritual comfort. However, others use the internet to satisfy their own selfish desires. Some use it to commit evil—spreading harmful information, gambling, or engaging in illicit online auctions and marketing. Ultimately, when the internet was first developed, it was not labelled as 'right' or 'wrong,' 'good' or 'bad.' It is the user's intention that determines whether the outcome is beneficial or destructive.

Therefore, the mindset of the user is of paramount importance. I invite everyone to ask themselves: what is the true purpose behind your use of the internet?"

The Burden of Being 'The Best'

"I have said so much, and I have forgotten to introduce myself—my apologies. Hello everyone, I am Zhu Minjie, born in Shenyang, China. To all my relatives and friends, I was always described as 'such a pity of a child.' During the time I was addicted to the internet, many people sat in the chair next to my computer desk. Their goal was always to urge me to wake up. At the time, I could not take in a single word they said. Whether it was my aunt, my uncle, my cousin, or anyone else, the moment they sat down, I knew they were going to start lecturing me.

I seemed to have become accustomed to it. No matter how much they preached, I remained unresponsive. Sometimes I would just go through the motions, responding with a 'Yes, I know' or a simple 'Mm-hmm.' Regardless of what I said, I was merely humoring them. I did not truly hear a single word they spoke. My family reacted so strongly to my addiction because they truly could not believe that a child like me would fall into such a trap. They believed my future was destined to be brilliant; they never imagined I would walk this path."

A Life of Performance

"Why did I change? Perhaps it must be attributed to the influence of the entire social environment. In the world, people naturally 'compare' and 'compete.' In the environment where I was born, this was even more intense. Every child is used as a tool for comparison by the adults. Whose child ranked first? Whose child earned a doctorate? Whose child went abroad to study? Everyone loves to gossip and compare. I actually detested this culture of comparison. By the time I was five, I already wanted to leave home because our family was obsessed with comparing children—not just with other families, but within our own clan. If there were children of similar ages, they would inevitably be compared, and the one who fell behind would be scolded or subjected to even harsher demands. It was truly pathetic!

My natural advantage was my intelligence. No matter who my family compared me to, I would never lose. My grades were excellent, my performance was outstanding, and I was handsome. I was recognized by the entire family and all our friends as the 'most excellent child.' But does anyone know that when you are the 'most excellent child,' the demands placed upon you are far greater than those placed on any other child? They did not allow me a single flaw in my behavior. My words and actions had to be perfectly standard. Even my speech was restricted and monitored, and my leisure activities were limited to only what they deemed acceptable."

The Golden Cage

"I had almost no friends because my family forbade me from having them. They worried that friends would distract my mind, prevent me from focusing on my studies, and affect my grades, thus preventing me from remaining the 'most excellent child.' I was not a disobedient child, but I am human. As I grew, I had feelings, and I needed a moment to breathe or a little time to plan my own life. But all of this was stripped away from me. My family gave me no choice, no room for negotiation. I had to do exactly as they said.

I lived in such agony. Inside my heart, I was constantly screaming and crying, but no one knew. My life was continuously suppressed. I felt like a figure made of dough, shaped by those around me, not growing into the person I was meant to be. I describe myself as a fake person, living a life that was false and unreal. From childhood to adulthood, I was always performing, acting out the 'Zhu Minjie' that everyone wanted to see."