This is a record of an interview with Li Jiayi, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life and his journey through the realms of reincarnation. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Faxin, on June 20, 2025.
Li Jiayi speaks:
". At the very moment I encountered the Buddha, my spirit became exceptionally bright, and my heart was filled with profound gratitude. I am deeply thankful to Namo Amituofo and to Practitioner Su for allowing me to rediscover my true self. I had never imagined that this true self could be so full of light and boundless energy.
All of this energy was bestowed upon me by the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss; it is the manifestation of the Buddha's . In the past, I mistakenly believed that everything before my eyes was absolute reality, which caused me immense suffering. But now, I have come to realise that when one's heart is in sync with the Buddha, there is light. I have also discovered that when chanting 'Namo Amituofo,' as long as one's heart is truly sincere, the Buddha will bestow upon them. Now, the Buddha is my place of refuge, bringing me eternal radiance, and for this, I am eternally grateful.
A Childhood Defined by Shadows
I am Li Jiayi, from Taoyuan, Taiwan. The past, for me, was a long, painful ordeal, and for a long time, I had no desire to look back upon it. However, having received the Buddha's help, I have chosen to share my experiences to repay the Buddha's kindness. I hope that those who have endured similar hardships can find a glimmer of encouragement and help, and perhaps even find hope for their own futures.
I grew up in a broken home. My father was originally a highly capable engineer, but after a tragic accident at a construction site, he became physically disabled and fell into a deep, inconsolable depression. Seeing my father in that state was a profound shock to me. In my eyes, he had always been a vibrant, dashing man, but suddenly, he was reduced to a shell of his former self, wandering aimlessly within our home.
My father lived in constant fear that my mother would look down on him because of his disability. My mother was, in truth, a very materialistic person. She had married my father because she believed he could provide her with a comfortable life and a secure future. Once his ability to work was severely diminished, her attitude toward him turned icy. Unable to cope with the external changes and his own internal turmoil, my father would often scream and shout when he was alone, feeling utterly useless.
The Weight of Suppression
The atmosphere in our home became suffocatingly heavy. Six months after my father's accident, my mother left us. My father became even more despondent, and our family's life became increasingly difficult. Thankfully, my aunts were very supportive of our family. My father tried his best to emerge from his grief, taking on small projects at home, while we children did manual labour to help make ends meet. The upheaval in our home aged my father instantly; many distant relatives who came to visit could barely recognise him.
Because of this, my father’s temper became volatile, and he would often vent his frustrations on us. I was only seven years old at the time, with two older sisters and a younger brother. This environment made me incredibly shy. Because I was terrified of being hurt, I became extremely cautious in every interaction. I grew into a deeply suppressed person, burying every desire and every need deep within my heart. I was not happy, but happiness was no longer my priority. For me, the only thing that mattered was surviving, ensuring that each day could pass by as peacefully as possible.
A Beacon of Light in the Dark
My life was filled with suppression and pain until I reached school and met a teacher with a wealth of experience, Mr. Ni. He noticed that I was one of the shyest children in the class and took extra time to care for me. He would keep me after class to talk, but I was so frightened that I could not say a word, just staring at the desk, barely registering what he was saying. In truth, it was not that I did not hear him; it was that I did not know how to face the world. Yet, Mr. Ni did not give up on me. He accompanied me time and time again, hoping to help me.
Gradually, I began to feel the sincerity and care in his heart, and I finally felt willing to tell him about my family situation. When he heard my story for the first time, he shed tears. I knew he was heartbroken for me, but I had become so numb to my circumstances that I still felt a sense of resistance toward his kindness. Once he understood my situation and knew that I loved to learn, he began to use his own resources to help me continue my education. Beyond me, he treated every student with the same sincerity. By observing him, I learned so much and slowly began to open my heart. But having kept it closed since childhood, changing was an incredibly difficult task.
Mr. Ni accompanied me for three years during my most critical adolescent period, becoming a guiding light in my life. Upon graduation, he gave me his heartfelt blessings, hoping for a bright future for me. I did not have full confidence, but I promised myself I would strive to embrace my future.
Chasing the Dream
After graduation, without any background or higher education, I had to continue supporting my family. Entering society, I faced the harsh reality of human nature—the warmth and the coldness of the world. I worked two jobs every day, striving with all my might. Deep down, I held a small, secret wish: I wanted to be a teacher. Mr. Ni's companionship had always been a light in my heart, and I desperately wanted to bring that same light to others. Yet, this wish felt like a distant dream, something I could never truly reach. Even though it seemed impossible, it remained the light that sustained me through every day.
In the years that followed, I faced further tragedies: my father committed suicide, unable to bear his life of disability; my sister’s marriage fell apart; and I witnessed the suffering of so many others around me. Facing layer upon layer of darkness, I still held onto that light in my heart. At thirty-six, I met a supervisor who truly appreciated my work. He asked me what my dream was. I do not know where the courage came from, but I confessed the dream I had hidden for so long: 'I want to be a teacher.' Hearing this and learning the reason behind it, he was deeply moved and decided to help me achieve it. He helped me register for exams and allowed me to study while I worked. After several years of hard work, my dream finally came true; I became a primary school teacher in a public school.
The Chalk Spirit
On my first day standing on the podium, my heart was filled with emotion. I poured all the passion of my life into my teaching. I was so grateful for this opportunity. I cherished every day that followed, even when I was looked down upon by parents or challenged by students; I chose to persist. To me, those were no longer the most difficult things in life. After teaching for over a decade, I had earned the respect of many students, and I brought positive values into their lives. Just as I was rejoicing in my life, another turning point arrived. At fifty-five, my body began to fail due to long-term overwork. I had been working non-stop since I was a child, never knowing how to stop.
From then on, I slowed my pace, but it was too late to save my health. At fifty-eight, I suffered from gastric bleeding, eventually vomiting blood, and soon after, I entered the state between life and death. In that state, I saw myself standing on the podium, confident and joyful, holding a piece of chalk and teaching the children with care. My became fixated on this image, and I was strongly drawn to it. I never expected that this attraction would pull my spirit into the space of the chalk itself. My life faded away, but I became the chalk—in a way, I had achieved my dream.
Deliverance from the Depths
I do not know how much time passed. One day, through a stroke of Causal Conditions, I, as the chalk, was picked up by a teacher who wrote 'Namo Amituofo' on the board. The instant that golden light touched me, I was pulled out of that space. My soul entered the Yama Hall. Kneeling before the King of Hell, I saw many accusing me, one sin after another. I was shocked, and I had no choice but to admit my guilt. Only after learning of my sins did I understand that my life’s experiences were the result of the Law of Cause, Condition, and Effect. Seeing all of this, I sincerely repented for my sins.
Through this sincerity, I was granted the opportunity by the King of Hell to serve as a hell guard. I was overjoyed to have the chance to serve beings and atone for my past sins. However, while on duty, seeing the many beings in hell suffering and wailing, I felt unbearable pain in my heart. I only wished that they could one day leave suffering behind. Yet, many of these beings were incredibly stubborn. I prayed for them, hoping they would find an opportunity to be liberated. Not long after this thought arose, I heard the sound of Practitioner Su giving a talk. Every word helped me understand Namo Amituofo and the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. I realised that beings are always trapped in the cycle of reincarnation, unable to wake up. I began to chant 'Namo Amituofo' in my heart, praying for help for myself and for all beings to be liberated.
I am deeply grateful for the Buddha's compassion, which allowed me today to follow sixty other hell guards and immeasurable and boundless beings to be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. My gratitude is endless.
