The Awakening of a Prison Guard

This is a record of an interview with Li Tongmao, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life and his subsequent experiences in the spirit realms. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on September 28, 2024.

Li Tongmao speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I have finally arrived at the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. I had worried that because of my speech impediment in the human world, I would not be able to communicate clearly here. To my surprise, that is not the case at all. The voice of my heart’s intent is transmitted with perfect clarity, and it seems my speech impediment has vanished entirely, as if it were merely a shadow cast by my past karma.

I am truly overjoyed today, and the fifty-nine other prison guards who arrived at the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss with me share this immense happiness. Under the guidance of Practitioner Su’s Dharma Body, we have all returned to the Western Pure Land today. This place is truly our home. My heart feels so warm; seeing the Buddha, I cannot help but shed tears of gratitude. It is the feeling of finally coming home. After suffering for so long, it has finally come to an end.

A Life of Silence and Misunderstanding

I am Li Tongmao. Looking back at my life, everything that occurred feels like a passing mist. From the moment I began to learn how to speak, I was unable to articulate words clearly. Adults constantly tried to correct me, but I simply could not do it, for I was born with a severe speech impediment.

My condition was quite serious. One could say that no one could understand what I was saying, except for my mother. She was always by my side, so no matter how unclear my speech was, she could always understand me. She grasped my meaning naturally, without the slightest effort. In the world of people, no one wanted to talk to me. Because I could not speak clearly, they naturally distanced themselves from me. Consequently, I grew up without any friends. Seeing others playing together, I sometimes felt truly envious. I did not know what it felt like to have friends—to share things and always have someone by one's side.

I was fortunate to have a mother who understood my heart so well. She knew what I was thinking, and she would say to me, 'I can be your friend. You can share anything with me, and I can play with you and accompany you to many places.' My mother’s words always made me feel warm and never alone. Even without friends, I was able to grow up healthily within the warmth of my mother’s love, gradually cultivating an optimistic and positive heart, and living out the value of my own life.

The Dream of Past Retribution

Before the age of ten, I never thought about what I wanted to do with my life. I was just an innocent, happy child growing up under my mother’s care. I did not have many complex thoughts; I just grew up slowly. When I was about fifteen, my mother asked me what my plans were for the future. When she asked, I suddenly realised that I was already fifteen, nearly an adult, no longer a child. Yet, I did not know what I wanted to do, nor did I know what I was capable of doing.

One night, I had a dream. In the dream, I was constantly scolding people, endlessly speaking of others' faults. No matter who tried to counsel me or tell me to change, I refused. I continued to scold and gossip everywhere. In the dream, I quickly transformed from that wicked person into a dog, barking incessantly at everyone I saw. Many people were angered by my barking and struck me. I let out miserable cries, but even after the pain, I would continue to bark at people.

My fate as a dog was truly miserable. Because of my habit of barking at people, my mouth was eventually sealed, and I was poisoned, dying a tragic death on the street. I harboured intense hatred, and as a result, I first fell into the hells to suffer retribution, and later, I was reborn as a venomous snake.

The Truth of the Alaya Consciousness

When I was a venomous snake, I bit a person to death. That person had tried to catch me, and besides fear, I felt intense anger. I used all my strength to attack him, biting him fiercely and poisoning him to death. I watched myself change from one thing to another, and no matter what I became, it was all me—every single one of them. When I was doing evil, I felt it was truly inconceivable that I could commit such acts, yet it was indeed me. I saw it all clearly in the dream.

I woke up from the dream drenched in sweat. I remembered everything I had seen, forgetting nothing. At that moment, I truly felt that all the versions of me in the dream were my past. It was because of that past—gossiping, barking like a dog, biting like a snake—that I was born with a speech impediment in this life, unable to speak clearly. I suddenly understood: everyone has a past, life after life, and those pasts are real. I sat on my bed for a long time, unable to move, still reeling from the realisation. My mother knocked on my door and came in. She asked what had happened, as she had heard me shouting from outside. I told her everything I had seen in the dream. She remained calm, without the slightest sign of being shaken. I asked her in surprise why she had no reaction, and she replied, 'I can also see these pasts.' It turned out my mother had long been able to see the past; she just had never told me.

The Power of the Heart

I asked my mother if she had long known about our relationship in the past. She nodded with a smile, but she did not tell me what that relationship was. That connection was something I had not seen in my dream; only she knew. It was truly inconceivable! This body is only temporary; after it is gone, one will go on to become something else. What one becomes after death is, as my dream showed, closely related to one's actions while alive. I shared my realisation with my mother, and she added, 'What you become in the next life depends most on your current heart. This heart is very important. Whatever your mental note is, that is what your future will be. Whatever your heart thinks, it will naturally attract.' Hearing my mother say this, I understood. Taking care of our heart is truly vital.

After that day, I began to walk everywhere, observing everything. I wanted to help everyone I saw, because they did not know they had a past, nor did they know they had a future. If they did not want to suffer in the future, or if they did not want to be trapped in suffering now, they had to walk out of it. The only way to walk out was to change this heart of ours.

A Struggle for Deliverance

How could I let everyone know this truth? I thought constantly, but I could not find a way. I was just a child; many thought I was talking nonsense. It was unlikely anyone would believe me, and since they had not seen it for themselves, it was even harder for them to accept. In those days, it was very difficult to imagine the existence of past lives; it was a concept no one had ever encountered. Later, I tried to share it with others, but no one wanted to listen because I had a speech impediment. I could not express myself clearly, and no one knew what I was trying to say.

I was so discouraged. I wanted so much to let people know, but I had no opportunity. Later, I began to write down everything I knew and distributed it everywhere, hoping someone would believe me. Do you know what happened to me? I was arrested. They claimed I was influencing people's hearts and trying to organise secret societies. There were all sorts of rumours. I was dragged to the magistrate's office, punished, and warned never to do it again, or I would be sentenced to prison. I was devastated and deeply saddened. I wanted to help others, but no one was willing to believe me. My mother comforted me, but I could not let it go.

I did not realise my attachment to success and failure was so strong. Sometimes I felt angry, just like the personality I had in my past lives. Because of this result, I became depressed. No matter how my mother encouraged me, I could not move past it. My intense inner personality made me sick, and my heart pained me every day. My mother called a doctor, but they could not cure me. I knew my life would soon end, and I felt afraid and guilty toward my mother.

The Character of Goodness

One day, a friend of my mother came to our house and gave her a small wooden board with a character carved on it. I looked at it; it was the character for 'Goodness'. The aunt said she had carved it herself, and she had also decorated the board with flowers. It was very beautiful. At that moment, I was completely captivated by this board. It was just a piece of wood with the word 'Goodness' carved on it, yet it possessed a great power. I felt I had found something to do. I began to write the character 'Goodness' in large quantities and distributed them everywhere. This time, I did not write anything that would 'shake people's hearts'; it was just the word 'Goodness', so they could not arrest me.

However, by then, my body was already very weak. I persisted in writing the character, hoping more people would know to turn their hearts toward Goodness. One night, while I was writing, I collapsed and passed away. My life ended, but where did my spirit go? I remained inside that character of 'Goodness'. I was very attached, and my personality was still quite stubborn, so I stayed within that character, hoping more people would see it. My heart was not actually bad; even while in the character of 'Goodness', I hoped everyone would be well and not suffer in the future.

Returning Home

My mental note kept me in that character for about fifty years before I finally emerged. The prison guards of the hells brought me into the hells, and King Yama gave me the position of a prison guard, allowing me to serve there. Seeing the suffering of the beings in the hells made me even more certain of the importance of good thoughts and a good heart, but I could no longer spread Goodness. Later, I heard Practitioner Su giving Dharma talks. When I heard them, I was moved to tears. I never imagined such a great Dharma existed, and it spoke of the laws of karma and cause and effect, and the true reality of existence.

I was so astonished. I quickly shared the Buddha’s teachings with many sentient beings with karmic affinity. Later, I also developed a heart of renunciation, single-mindedly seeking rebirth in the Western Pure Land. In the end, I was truly placed on the list of those to be led to the West by Practitioner Su. Today, I have returned to the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss with the other fifty-nine prison guards. My heart is filled with gratitude. I am grateful to Namo Amituofo and grateful to Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo. Li Tongmao bows in reverence."