The Cycle of Attachment: A Jailer's Confession

This is a record of an interview with Liang Gutian, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now reflects upon his long journey through the cycle of rebirth and his time serving as a jailer in the underworld. This testimony was recorded by the chief writer, Shi Faxi, on August 25, 2024.

Liang Gutian speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am deeply grateful that I have finally been granted the opportunity for liberation today. This is a once-in-a-thousand-years opportunity! I will certainly continue to work hard, practise diligently, and in the future, I hope to help many more sentient beings.

On behalf of all the jailers and all sentient beings with karmic affinity, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha's grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo."

A Life of Luxury and the Seeds of Attachment

"I was once a wealthy merchant, born into a family of great affluence. From childhood, I was accustomed to a life of luxury, surrounded by fine silks and exquisite food. This abundance led me to develop an intense, unhealthy attachment to eating. Every single meal had to be a masterpiece of culinary art; if the food was even slightly unsatisfactory, I would become irritable and restless. Furthermore, I was incredibly particular about my sleep. If I did not get my full rest, I felt physically unwell and completely unable to focus on my duties.

As the years passed, I grew weary of the hollow pleasures of wealth. A desire for change began to stir within me. One day, I happened to meet a monk whose calm demeanour and profound wisdom filled me with reverence. I asked him for the path to practice. The monk told me: 'Let go of your attachments, and you will see the Way. Everything in this world is but an illusion; only the liberation of the heart can bring eternal peace.'

Hearing these words, a desire to practise took root in my heart, and I decided to follow the monk. Although I began to study the sutras and participate in Buddhist ceremonies, the deep-seated attachment to food and sleep remained unshakable. Whenever I sat in meditation in the morning, if I had not eaten on time, my mind would be in turmoil. Whenever I paid homage to the Buddha late at night, if I had not slept enough, my body would ache with discomfort. These attachments were like invisible ropes, binding my spirit so tightly that I could not truly immerse myself in the practice.

The Struggle to Let Go and the Weight of Karma

"In the end, my health failed, and I could no longer continue my practice. As I lay on my deathbed, my heart was filled with regret and unwillingness because I had failed to achieve liberation. These attachments remained deeply embedded in my heart, becoming the Causal Conditions for my next rebirth. I left that lifetime carrying these unresolved obsessions, and I was reborn into a poor farming family, beginning a new cycle of samsara, still trapped by the very things I could not let go of.

After my rebirth, I found myself in a remote village, the son of a destitute farmer. In this life, my circumstances were a world of difference from the past, yet the habits of craving food and sleep were still branded onto my soul. As a child, we were so poor that having enough to eat was a luxury, yet my craving for food was more intense than ever. If there was even a morsel of something good, I would be desperate to claim it for myself. I would fight with my siblings over a single bowl of rice. As for sleep, despite the back-breaking farm work, I was always complaining, feeling that my rest was being stolen from me. I could not tolerate this sense of deprivation; I always felt something was missing from my life.

One day, I heard monks lecturing on the Dharma. They said that one must learn to let go to achieve liberation. I was stirred by their words and began to attend their lectures, hoping to find peace. But even though I listened, the attachments deep within my heart remained. Whenever my practice showed a little progress, those old habits would resurface, throwing my mind into chaos. When I meditated at night, I was exhausted because I was obsessed with getting enough sleep. When I fasted during the day, I would sneak food, convinced I could not practise without it.

From Human to Beast: The Primal Instinct

"Ultimately, I failed again in that life. In my old age, I fell ill from overwork, filled with regret and sorrow, yet powerless to change my fate. As I died, my mind was clouded with the frustration of failing my goals and the lingering cravings for food and sleep. Carrying these burdens, I left that life and plunged back into the cycle of rebirth. This time, I was reborn as a greedy wild boar.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself in the body of a boar. I had no memory of the past; only a powerful, primal instinct drove me to seek food. My craving reached an unprecedented level. I wandered through forests and fields, my nose constantly sniffing the ground. In that life, I had no other thoughts—only the desperate need to fill my stomach. Even as a beast, I could not escape my habits. When I found food, I would devote every ounce of my energy to eating. I could not control my gluttony, often making myself sick, yet I could not stop. When night fell, I would seek a place to sleep, driven by that same old obsession. Even in an animal's body, these habits were deeply rooted.

In that life, opportunities to hear the Dharma were non-existent. Occasionally, I would see monks meditating in the forest, but I had no desire to practise; I only cared about the scent of food. One day, while venturing into a human village to feed, I was caught in a trap and became food for the villagers. As I felt death approaching, a sudden, indescribable remorse and terror washed over me. I had failed again. I was still trapped in the shackles of samsara.

The Beggar and the Sick Infant

"Next, I was reborn as a beggar, suffering from both hunger and disease. From childhood, I was tormented by starvation; survival was my only luxury. I begged on the streets, living on scraps. When someone gave me food, I would pounce like a starving wolf, devouring it regardless of whether it was rotten or filthy. My obsession with sleep followed me like a shadow. I had no place to rest, often shivering in the cold, longing for the comfort I once knew. My resentment grew deeper with every passing day. I hated the unfairness of fate. I hated why I could never escape this cycle of suffering. I had no interest in the Dharma; I only wanted to survive the next hour.

Finally, I died in misery and resentment, only to be reborn as a sickly infant. My name was Liang Gutian, and my life was destined to be one of pain. From the moment I was born, I was frail. I could not eat properly, and my sleep was constantly interrupted by the agony of my illnesses. My desires and my pain were intertwined, leaving me utterly exhausted. Because I was so weak, I could no longer indulge in my old cravings for food and sleep. Instead, I began to contemplate the meaning of life. I asked myself countless times: 'Why am I so unfortunate? Why can I not escape this suffering?'

A Turning Point and the Path to Deliverance

"One day, my parents invited an eminent monk to pray for me. He sat by my bed, recited the sutras, and whispered: 'Young man, the suffering of this life is caused by the attachments of your past lives. If you can let go of these obsessions, you will find liberation.' In the midst of my pain, I began to take his words to heart. I finally understood that all this suffering was because I could not let go of those meaningless attachments. I resolved to change my mental state.

As my heart shifted, my pain seemed to lessen. I felt a sense of lightness, and the shackles on my heart began to loosen. I was finally able to face life with calm, no longer attached to material needs. My heart began to fill with light. By the time my life ended, there was no more regret or unwillingness. I left with a peaceful heart, reciting the Buddha-name, saved by the compassion and wisdom of the Buddha's teachings.

When I left that body, a powerful force brought me to another space. When I saw my surroundings, I realised I had arrived at the Yama's court. Yama was reviewing the records of my rebirths. I knelt before him in silence. When he finished reading, he looked up at me, said nothing, and ordered his attendants to take me away. I was brought to a region where I was taught how to serve, and thus began my work as a jailer.

I am so grateful to Yama for giving me this chance to serve other sentient beings, and in the process, I have learned many truths. Recently, I heard Practitioner Su lecturing on the Dharma here. Every word struck my heart. I know I must continue to work hard to change myself, to practise diligently, and to wait for the day of true liberation. I am so grateful that I have finally reached this day of deliverance. I know how difficult this is to achieve. I will continue to practise, hoping that in the future, I can help other sentient beings.

Liang Gutian, on behalf of all the jailers and all sentient beings with karmic affinity, bows in gratitude for the Buddha's grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo.

Liang Gutian, with palms joined."