The Fall and Redemption of a Hedonist

This is a record of an interview with Yongning, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Dharma-Nature Land. This account reflects upon his life as a wealthy, hedonistic youth and his subsequent rebirth as a worm. Recorded by the disciple Shi Faxin on August 16, 2019.

Yongning speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I was once a tiny creature crawling upon the earth. I moved forward, then retreated, blind to the world around me. I had no eyes to see, only the tactile sensations of my own body to navigate the terrain. Throughout that lifetime as a worm, I never knew what the world truly looked like. I knew only the damp, cool feeling of the soil, or the terrifying sensation of being baked by the sun until I was nearly dehydrated. When the heavy rains fell, it felt like massive, crushing weights striking down upon me; I had to scramble to hide. When the wind whistled past, I had to judge in an instant: was it merely a breeze, or was it the beating wings of a giant bird preparing to snatch me up and turn me into a meal?

A Life of Constant Struggle

I experienced that terror many times. I can still feel the sensation of my body being lifted into the air, clamped tight in a sharp, unyielding beak. I would struggle with every ounce of my being, thrashing and twisting. My body would secrete a slippery, bitter fluid. The bird, repulsed by the bitterness and the slime, would loosen its grip for a split second, and that was my only chance to escape. For a worm, life is a series of countless struggles just to remain alive. Every single day, I had to be on edge, sensing the harsh reality of the outside world. Eventually, I suppose I grew accustomed to it.

Deep in the soil, I mated with others, but after the act, they would simply vanish. We never sought each other out again. The process of mating was nothing more than a fleeting, momentary sensation. Afterwards, we were complete strangers. In the body of a worm, there is no responsibility, no connection, no one to answer to. Whether I was eventually crushed underfoot, bitten, or run over, I do not know. Death came in a single, meaningless instant. My life simply passed by, as if it were nothing at all. To think that I, who was once a pampered young master, would end up in such a wretched state—it is truly hard to fathom.

The Emptiness of Excess

I lived a life of excessive indulgence and reckless squandering. I did things that were completely off the rails just to prove my own importance, eventually ending my life with a massive overdose of marijuana. My life was filled with material wealth; I lacked for nothing. Yet, it was the emptiness within my heart that drove me to choose such a self-destructive, soul-shattering path. The women I surrounded myself with were bought with money. When I look back and think about it—which one of them was ever sincere? It is absolutely pathetic, absolutely tragic. My life had long since spiralled out of control without me even realising it.

My parents’ philosophy was simple: 'Money can make the devil turn the millstone.' That single belief allowed me to indulge in every worldly pleasure imaginable, but no one ever told me that there would be a price to pay. It was all laughter, madness, and falsehood. Now, that worm-body is dead, but my spirit remained trapped as a worm-spirit, living a life without a physical form. I was drifting in the void, lost and alone.

The Golden Light of Deliverance

Just as I thought the sun was shining upon me and I was preparing to burrow back into the soil, I suddenly felt my body begin to float. I twisted with all the strength I had left, and a wave of warmth began to rise within me. In a dreamlike state, my human form was restored. It had been so long since I had seen my own face! The soil, the grass, the trees—they all seemed to rise with me. Then, the golden light manifested before me, and I was saved. I laughed out loud three times at the sheer foolishness of my own life.

I am deeply grateful to Practitioner Su for his rescue. I am just one of the many young people of this era who have fallen into the abyss. If others continue to live the life I led, their end will be exactly the same as mine. I am not the only one; I am merely one small link in the chain that perfectly illustrates the truth of cause and effect. The Universal Principles have no loopholes, and they are never negligent. Everyone should understand this.

Namo Amituofo. The supreme Truth transcends this world."