The Heavy Consequences of Abortion and the Path to Redemption

A Heartfelt Plea for Life

I am Peng Hong, a fifty-six-year-old woman. In this lifetime, I have undergone two abortions, an act that has led me through a life of profound suffering. My heart is filled with deep repentance, and I offer my sincerest apologies to the two spirits of my aborted children. I hope that everyone who reads this account of their deliverance will understand the severe and lasting negative impact that abortion has on a woman's life. I urge you to cherish life, hold fast to the preciousness of existence, and never commit the act of ending a child's life.

On the 10th of November 2023, at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre, Practitioner Su used her compassionate and powerful hands to guide my two aborted children to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. They have truly been saved and have left suffering behind. My two children are no longer wandering in the cycle of rebirth. I am filled with immense gratitude to the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre for providing me with the opportunity to atone for my past sins. It was the compassion of Practitioner Su that saved both me and my two children.

The Weight of Past Choices

My experiences with abortion were marked by ignorance and fear. My first abortion occurred when I was between twenty-two and twenty-three years old. I was pregnant after cohabiting before marriage, and out of fear and a desire to protect my reputation, I insisted on going to the hospital to terminate the pregnancy. My second abortion occurred when I was between thirty-six and thirty-nine years old. This was due to a failed contraceptive method while married. At that time, due to the family planning policies in China and my own reluctance to have more children, I chose to end the pregnancy again.

Looking back, the past is too painful to revisit. Soon after my first abortion, I began to experience the bitter fruits of my actions. I discovered that my husband was not the ideal partner; he was irresponsible and lacked a sense of family duty. Yet, driven by the force of my own karma, I married him a year later. We soon conceived our first daughter. Life was a series of struggles; I lived in an unstable emotional state and suffered many grievances while relying on my in-laws to help raise my child, as my own mother had passed away early.

The Manifestation of Karmic Retribution

When my daughter was eight months old, I suddenly fell ill and was diagnosed with hepatitis B. Because this is a chronic, incurable, and infectious disease, I had to be hospitalised, leaving me unable to care for my newborn. I remember living alone in a desolate infectious disease hospital, filled with fear, helplessness, and loneliness. I cried every day. Looking back, my life at that time was truly miserable and tragic. That illness was the direct retribution for my abortion.

This illness has accompanied me ever since and has never fully healed. To make matters worse, the long-term physical weakness caused by the hepatitis left me without the strength to walk. At night, I was plagued by nightmares where I felt as though someone was pinning my arms down, leaving me unable to move. My work life also suffered; I could no longer handle my job at the factory and was relegated to being a cleaner in the production workshop, earning a meagre income. I lived in deep financial hardship. In the second year of my illness, I had the opportunity to take an exam for a staff university, but because of my poor health, I could not persist in my studies and was forced to give up, losing my chance to change my career path.

The Cycle of Suffering

Because of my ignorance, I did not know how to change my ways or cultivate merit. This life of hardship continued. My husband remained indifferent to our family, often playing mahjong all night and offering me no care or love during my illness. After I turned thirty-five, my work situation improved for a time as I moved into a management position. However, this did not last. Within five years, I was transferred to another factory where the workload was so heavy that it caused me immense stress and emotional instability. I was forced to apply for early retirement, which resulted in further financial loss. Even after retirement, I had to continue working to make ends meet; my life of toil never ceased.

Driven by karma, I struggled to maintain my life. Around the age of thirty-seven, I became pregnant again and, due to family planning and my own wishes, chose to abort the child. After this second abortion, my relationship with my husband deteriorated into coldness and hostility. When he returned home from work, his eyes were filled with hatred. He refused to share in household chores and lived in a state of total apathy. We argued constantly, and the pain was unbearable. My husband even acted like a child, fighting with my daughter over food and items, which led to physical altercations that caused me great agony.

Awakening and Deliverance

The repeated abortions also contributed to a breakdown in our marriage. For years, we lived under the same roof but as strangers. I wanted to divorce him many times but could not succeed. I lived in a state of constant torment, continuing a life of mutual harm driven by karma. It was only after I began to study the Buddha’s teachings that I realised my thinking was wrong. I began to practise facing and accepting the consequences of my actions with a calm heart, though I still felt a lingering sense of regret.

The retribution for my two abortions was terrifying. The spirits of the aborted children follow their mothers to seek revenge; this is the natural consequence of such actions. I deeply repent and apologise to my children. I know I was wrong. The suffering I endured was deserved, for it is far less than the pain they suffered when their lives were taken. In my forties, I was fortunate enough to encounter the Buddha’s teachings and finally understood the gravity of my sin. I had previously visited many temples to perform Chao Du for them, but nothing changed. For years, I held onto a naive hope that they had been saved, yet I often felt their presence during times of stress and frequently dreamt of children, leaving me in a state of constant anxiety.

In recent years, my emotions became unstable, and I was prone to anger. I also developed high blood pressure that did not respond to medication. I often asked myself why my fate was so bitter. I frequently knelt before the Buddha, praying for the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to save me. After the recent deliverance, I read the records of the temple’s interview with my two children repeatedly. I was overwhelmed with a mix of sorrow and joy. Every word they spoke touched my heart, leading me to a profound awakening and repentance. It was I who was wrong; I killed my own children. The retribution for abortion is real and true, and I have experienced it in my own body for many years. I am grateful that, under the illumination of the Buddha-light and after hearing Practitioner Su’s Dharma talks, my children have compassionately forgiven me. They are, in their own way, helping me to grow.

I am deeply grateful to the compassionate Practitioner Su for saving my two children. I offer my humble prostrations to Namo Amituofo, to the compassionate Practitioner Su, and to all the monastics and lay practitioners at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre. With a sincere heart, I bow and pay my respects. Namo Amituofo.

Disciple Peng Hong, bowing and paying respects,

19 November 2023