A Father's Repentance and the Path to Light

A Father's Heartfelt Confession

It is time to start anew. You do not need to dwell on the past or investigate why things happened the way they did. Even if it was due to the laws of karma and cause and effect, or the weight of past actions, that is now behind us.

My children, I never imagined we would meet again in this way. Though we are separated by the veil between the living and the dead, I feel a profound sense of contentment. I never dreamed such an opportunity could exist. I am deeply grateful to Venerable Faxi for being willing to receive the words I wish to share with my children, with Practitioner Su, and with my son, Wu Richang.

Venerable Faxi asked if I am the father of these two. Yes, I am. It has been many years since I passed away, and I did not realise until now just how much of a failure my life had been. I was consumed by madness and rage. I harmed my own family—my wife and my children—whom I should have cherished most. I beat them, leaving deep, dark scars in their hearts that have lasted a lifetime. I have no face to look upon any of you. I truly wish to offer my sincere apologies to everyone. I was a failed husband and a failed father. I do not deserve for my children to perform Chao Du for me; I am unworthy of the title of father. Even though I treated you so cruelly, I know that deep down, despite your resentment, you still recognise me as your father. Knowing that I have children like you brings me a sense of joy I do not deserve.

The Weight of Past Shadows

I know that my eldest daughter cannot forgive me. Your mother carries wounds that will never fully heal, and my only son, Richang, still harbours regrets regarding his father. I am filled with shame. I know that Richang has returned to Hong Kong, and I have quietly hoped that he might return here. I dare not shirk the responsibility for my past actions. Although I felt controlled by forces beyond my understanding, it was still my own hands that brought such suffering to this family.

Richang, my child, regardless of how you view these events now, you are a person of deep emotion. You could have been so much more. You are talented, but because of my influence, you did not learn how to manage your temper or how to truly grow into a man. You are pure, kind, and upright, yet at such a young age, you have faced severe physical illnesses. Seeing this breaks my heart. You have a wife and children now, and I know that your devotion to them is a way of transferring your love, hoping that they can grow in ways you were not allowed to. I understand all of this.

Only two of my children have come here today. This great teacher, Practitioner Su, can help heal the fragmented past within your hearts. I hope you can cast aside these memories so that your hearts are no longer shrouded in darkness. If you can find true happiness, the guilt I carry will be greatly lightened. Life should not have been such a painful, agonising experience.

A New Direction for the Family

To my child who has entered the monastic life: I am so relieved that you have come here and that you can study the Dharma properly. Your life has been filled with bitterness. Though you appear strong on the outside, I know you are searching for a sense of inner peace. All of you have such good natures, but these past memories have changed you. People have a thousand ways to hide their weaknesses and their dark sides. Even though you have become a monastic, you have not yet fully let go of the attachments of this world.

My daughter, you have been such a good person since you were young, always knowing how to care for others. But the shadow I cast over you was too great. If only you could forget these things and start fresh. You do not need to investigate the past. Let me be the one to carry the burden of these shadows. You should all move forward toward the light.

I am much clearer now. I will take these past darknesses with me when I go to the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. From now on, my children will have only a bright future. Your mother is also getting on in years, and she lives in constant anxiety. Her life is no longer hers to control. You have your own paths to walk. You should still show her the love and care she deserves, but do not return to the old ways of living. She is a strong woman; let her live a life of peace and stability. Let her be happy and live out her remaining years in comfort. She is old now; do not provoke her anger. Help her understand the environment here in Australia. If she can accept it, that would be wonderful. Visit her often, care for her, and let her live in peace. Tell her of my situation and of my deepest apologies. If she can eventually reach the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss, that will be enough.

The Call to Practice

My children, you two are the only ones in the Wu family currently willing to study the Buddha’s teachings. Richang, it was not easy for you, but you have come to believe in the Dharma. Only through your success can our family be saved. Your mother has suffered greatly in this life, married to a man as unreliable as I was. Life is truly full of suffering. You must arrange for your mother’s well-being, but you must also focus on your own practice. If your mother does not wish to study the Dharma, do not force her, but ensure she knows there is a place of peace for her after this life. Giving her that peace is the greatest act of filial piety.

Finally, I wish to speak to my other two daughters. You are no longer young. Whether you believe I am your father or not does not matter. If you have the chance, tell them that I was a poor example. You must live your own lives well. Do not resent the arrangements of fate, and do not let the past hold you back. Open your hearts and complete your life’s lessons with kindness. I am deeply sorry for my past actions. You still have a long journey ahead; manage it well. If you can adopt a vegetarian diet, believe in the Buddha, and chant Namo Amituofo, that would be the best path for you. If you can hear these words, I will be at peace.

Our family’s ability to encounter this place today is a manifestation of the compassion of the heavens. Richang, listen to your sister and settle your heart to practise. After experiencing such major life events, have you not suffered enough? You should know by now that nothing can reverse the impermanence of life. You are a clever child. Your wife and children are a test of the wisdom you possess to lead them to the Buddha. That you are still alive is a sign that you are meant to do the Buddha’s work. I can see this clearly. Richang, if you were gone today, would your work still matter? You are intelligent. As for your two children, how you lead them depends on your own transformation. The extent of your change after returning from Australia is something only you truly know. Your wife and children may not feel it yet, but I hope you will commit to your practice. I have no expectations for you other than that you all live well and no longer suffer. Study the Dharma, help others, and find meaning in your lives. Practise, and liberate yourself from the pain of this world. This is the final thing I wish to tell my children: truly liberate yourselves. I hope you will practise. Life is full of suffering; you must achieve Buddhahood and leave this place. There is true hope here. Practise diligently. Richang, you must decide your future path. If life ends, it will be too late. Every moment of life you have regained is a blessing from the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. Cherish it.

Recorded by the chief writer, Venerable Faxi, on September 17, 2017.

Namo Amituofo