The Illusion of Love and the Weight of Attachment

This is a record of an interview with Mu Xuanli, who sought Chao Du at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Land of Dharma Nature. This account reflects upon his life approximately 720 years ago. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on May 3, 2019.

Mu Xuanli speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am Mu Xuanli. I lived seven hundred and twenty years ago, and today I share my story to warn others of the consuming nature of attachment. It is a story of a heart that lost its way in the fog of emotion."

A Chance Encounter at the Jade Stall

"It began on a bustling street. I was at a stall selling jade when I reached out for a pendant at the exact same moment as a young woman. Our hands brushed, and she immediately pulled hers away, her face flushing with a delicate, shy expression. I was mortified and quickly lowered my head to apologise. She whispered, 'It is no matter, it is no matter.' When I finally dared to look up, my heart skipped a beat. She was breathtakingly beautiful. I could not help but wonder, 'What noble family does such a beautiful girl come from?' Seeing my bashful reaction, she could not help but laugh. Her laughter was like music, so charming that I found myself lingering, unable to look away. Just as I was about to ask her name, her father appeared and called out, 'Xiaoxue, stop playing around. Your father has matters to attend to, let us go!' Before I could even bid her farewell, she was whisked away. I watched her retreating figure and whispered to myself, 'Xiaoxue... what a beautiful name.'"

The Beauty of the Painting

"Months later, I encountered her again by chance in front of an art gallery. She was completely absorbed in a masterpiece by a renowned artist. My joy was indescribable; ever since that first meeting, she had occupied my every thought. I had prayed for another glimpse of her, and here she was, standing right before me. I seized the moment and walked over, saying, 'This is the work of Wang Qian. Notice how his style is truly unique. He paints scenes that transcend this world—figures that are neither human nor ghost, a wonder that few could ever capture. Many speculate that he possesses the ability to see into other dimensions, that the world he perceives is quite different from our own.' She listened with such intense focus that she initially forgot to thank me. When she finally turned to express her gratitude and saw my face, she was startled. 'Are you the young gentleman from that day?' she asked. I nodded, and we introduced ourselves. She was the eldest daughter of the Jia family, and she told me, 'You may simply call me Xiaoxue.'"

A Love That Consumed Everything

"It was love at first sight for both of us. We held each other in our hearts, longing for the day we would meet again. Once we finally reconnected, we grew closer through our shared appreciation for art, and a passionate, whirlwind romance began. I had never tasted the sweetness of love before; I was utterly intoxicated, lost in the web of affection. Even the most ordinary roadside flowers seemed as beautiful as those cultivated in a royal garden. We were like butterflies chasing one another. Every moment, every thought, every pore of my being was filled with her. My mind was occupied solely by her every move. Even in my dreams, I saw her face, and I would wake up with a sweet, blissful smile on my lips. After months of courtship, we knew we were soulmates, and we set our wedding date for six months later."

The Promise of a New Life

"My parents had long awaited the day I would marry. As their only son, they spared no expense on the wedding, determined to welcome a daughter-in-law into the Mu family with great honour. I told them, 'Father, Mother, thank you for raising me. Now is the time for me to repay your kindness. Once Xiaoxue is my wife, I will give you grandchildren to hold. I will find stable work, earn my own living to support my family, and provide for you every month. I will no longer rely on you for money. It is truly time for me to grow up.' My parents were moved to tears. Their entire lives had revolved around me; their greatest worries and their greatest hopes were all tied to my future. Seeing me ready to start a family, a great weight was finally lifted from their hearts."

The Sudden Disappearance

"With only one month left until the wedding, a nightmare began. No matter how hard I searched, I could not find Xiaoxue. She had vanished from the world as if she had never existed. I questioned her father, but his expression turned grim, and he refused to utter a single word. Panic and anxiety consumed me. The sky seemed to spin, and my world plunged into total darkness. I could neither eat nor sleep. It felt as though the apocalypse had arrived, leaving me in a state of utter despair. The flowers by the roadside, once so vibrant, now looked withered and dead; even the sweetest fruits tasted like ash. Day and night, I yearned for her, hoping to catch a glimpse of her shadow. As the wedding day approached, my heart fractured. I began to lose my reason, lashing out in anger and shouting at my parents—a complete reversal of the filial son I had been. My mother wept daily, her heart breaking for the son who had been so close to happiness, now reduced to this state. No matter how she tried to comfort me, I could not control myself. My heart was no longer my own to master."

A Desperate Search

"To escape this cruel reality, I chose to numb myself. I drank until I was senseless, collapsing into bed from dawn until dusk, only to wake and drink again. To me, a life without Xiaoxue had no meaning; there was no difference between living and dying. Watching me waste away, my parents suffered more than I did. They searched everywhere for a way to save the gentle, obedient son they once knew. One day, my mother came to me and said, 'We have found Xiaoxue!' I had been lying on the floor like a corpse, but at those words, I leapt up. 'Mother, tell me again!' I shouted. She repeated it clearly: 'We have found her.' A long-lost smile returned to my face, and for a moment, the withered grass of my soul found hope again. I followed the path my mother described, taking roads I had never travelled before. I kept wondering, 'Why would Xiaoxue come to a place like this?' But in my desperation to see her, I did not stop to think. I hurried forward, but the ground was slick, and I slipped, tumbling down a steep cliff. I lay at the bottom, covered in wounds, my legs bleeding and broken, unable to walk. The pain was excruciating, but I was desperate to stand. I had to reach her. I crawled, dragging my broken body upward, determined to see her face even if it were the last thing I did."

It was with the greatest difficulty that I finally crawled to the place where Xiaoxue lived. My body was drenched in blood and caked in thick mud. Yet, at that moment, I felt absolutely nothing of the physical agony; the sight before my eyes was far more painful than any wound. Xiaoxue was sitting alone on a chair outside the house, staring blankly into the sky, with a young maidservant standing by to attend to her. She had grown so thin, so aged. In just one year, she had become a completely different person. I dragged myself forward, step by agonizing step, until I stood before her. The maidservant immediately stepped forward to block my path, demanding, "Who are you?" I ignored her and called out directly to Xiaoxue, "Xiaoxue, it is I, Xuanli!" But she showed no reaction at all. I called out again, "Xiaoxue, it is I, Xuanli!" No matter how many times I cried out, there was no response.

A Heartbreaking Revelation

I turned to the maidservant in desperation, "What has happened to her?" She asked, "Who are you? Why do you care about the affairs of our mistress?" I told her, "I am her fiancé, Xuanli." The maidservant recognized the name; she knew her mistress had been betrothed a year ago, and she was stunned that I had managed to find this place. Recalling the events of that year, she began to weep. Through her tears, she told me, "One day, a year ago, my mistress was so happy. She went to the riverbank to gather beautiful flowers, intending to weave them into a lovely hat to wear for her beloved. She ordered me to leave her for a while, wanting to savor that moment of happiness alone. I did not dare to stay away for long, and after an hour, I returned to find her. But she was nowhere to be found. When the Master heard the news, he sent all the servants out to search. We searched for an entire day before we finally found her in a neighboring village. Her body was covered in wounds, her clothes were torn, and she had been discarded in the river, having drifted from one village to the next. When we pulled her from the water, she was barely clinging to life. The Master wept and begged the doctors to save her. After three days of desperate efforts, she miraculously showed faint signs of life. The doctors continued their work, and eventually, they brought her back from the brink of death. It must be that her time had not yet come. But although her life was saved, she became what you see now. She is blind, she is deaf, and she seems to have forgotten all her past memories. Every day, she just stares at the sky without saying a word. We can only stay by her side, following her wherever she goes and helping her with whatever she needs. She is no longer the mistress we once knew. Even when the Master, who loves her most, speaks to her, she does not react. Young master, please, give up! She cannot go with you, and she can never be your wife again. Let the karmic affinity of this life end here!" I could not believe it—I truly could not believe it—but I did not give up. I took her hand once more and cried, "Xiaoxue, it is I, Xuanli! I am Xuanli!" Still, she did not respond. She ignored me entirely, stood up, and walked into the house. The maidservant followed her inside, leaving me standing there all alone.

The Path of Awakening

I began the long walk back down the mountain. The path felt even more treacherous than the climb up; every step was like treading upon burning coals. I thought to myself, "Why did Heaven not let me die there? At least I would have passed away with a smile. Why has my beloved Xiaoxue been reduced to this?" The pain was so intense I could not continue. I sat by the side of the road and buried my face in my hands, weeping bitterly. After a long while, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I looked up to see a monk in a long robe. His eyes were filled with profound Wisdom, and his presence was one of immense dignity. He said to me, "The world is but a dream. What plays out within it is merely the script of this current life. Every life has a different script, but which one never reaches its final curtain call? Once the curtain falls, who remembers the play? It is all an illusion. It briefly makes the protagonists weep, laugh, and feel moved, but when the play ends, nothing remains. Life concludes just like that. If you can see through the false appearances of this world, you will be able to stand up once again." Although my heart was filled with sorrow, when the monk spoke these words, I understood the truth he was trying to convey.

Finding Peace in the Dharma

For two years, I spent my time in quiet reflection, sorting through my thoughts. At the end of those two years, I made the resolute decision to enter a monastery and study the Way. Only after I began my practice did I truly understand what peace was. The feeling of a purified heart is so solid, so stable. In the secular world, life is like waves in the ocean—never for a moment at rest. One moment you are lifted to the peak like a mountain, and the next you are cast into the depths of helplessness. That restless heart never finds a moment of stillness. The state of mind in practice is like the surface of water without a ripple. I no longer crave anything in this world; I only seek to purify this body and use it to save all spirits. I hope to rescue all those who, like me, suffer for the sake of love. Such people are everywhere; no being can escape the devastation of emotional suffering.

The Ultimate Vow of Deliverance

I lament the allure of worldly love, which intoxicates people until they cannot wake up. Had I not encountered such an experience, I would have withered away for love, my form no longer recognizable, a dying husk. Today, by studying the Buddha’s teachings, I have gained a sense of purity. I have dedicated my life to saving many sentient beings with whom I have karmic affinity, and I myself have been guided by the compassion of Namo Amituofo to achieve rebirth in the Western Pure Land at the end of my life.

How many beings in the six realms of existence have perished for love, losing this precious human body? Countless spirits are lost in an endless cycle of karmic suffering. Without the proclamation of the Buddha’s teachings, the world would never have a moment of clarity. Today, Practitioner Su uses the teachings of the Buddha to educate the world, aiming to awaken the confused and ignorant beings. By using his own life to manifest the Dharma, he teaches all people. Those who suffer, who know suffering, and who wish to leave suffering behind—whenever they hear the Dharma voice of Practitioner Su, they cherish and seize the opportunity. Because for those in the body of ignorance, we need such a clear, surgical precision in the explanation of the scriptures to powerfully awaken the long-dormant confusion of many lifetimes. I am deeply grateful to Practitioner Su for making this Ultimate Vow to save the world, delivering countless spirits. Namo Amituofo.

This interview was recorded by the chief writer, the Buddhist disciple Shi Fajing.