The Journey Home: The Spirit of Lay Practitioner Zhang's Child

This is a record of an interview with the spirit of an aborted child of Lay Practitioner Zhang, who sought Chao Du at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. The spirit now resides in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon the spirit's long journey through the cycle of rebirth and their eventual liberation from the heavy chains of resentment. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fajing, on May 16, 2025.

The spirit of the child speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. Mother, I have left. I have finally arrived at the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. I am so incredibly grateful to the compassionate Practitioner Su. When I look at her kind, gentle smile, it is exactly like seeing Namo Amituofo—they are identical in their warmth and their boundless mercy."

"I never imagined I would have the opportunity to reach the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. I actually lived here once before, but that was such a long, long time ago. It was so long ago that I had almost forgotten it. It was only when I returned this time that I remembered the days I spent here—they were so peaceful, so full of joy, and so utterly free from the burdens I have carried for so long."

The Cycle of Samsara and a Lost Connection

"I have been reincarnated through so many lifetimes in this endless cycle of samsara. This is not the first time I have met my mother from this lifetime. We have known each other in the past, but Mother has long since forgotten. After all, one is reincarnated again and again, and the memories of the past fade like mist. In this life, I was prepared to be born as her son, but I never expected that I would not even be given the chance to be born. I became a lonely, wandering spirit, cast aside before I could even take my first breath."

"My soul was filled with such intense, burning resentment. Often, my entire being would turn a deep, vibrant red. When my colour became more intense, it meant that I was angrier, more filled with hatred. And whenever I felt that anger or resentment, Mother’s body would absolutely feel it. If it wasn't sharp pain, it was an indescribable sense of discomfort. I did this because I wanted Mother to know that I was there, that I existed, and that I was suffering because of her choices."

The Weight of Resentment and the Path to Liberation

"To be honest, I was truly unwilling to let go. I could not accept why I was the one who was denied the chance to be born. No matter what reasons Mother might have had, I was so furious at the time that I could not accept any of them. I was convinced that Mother simply did not want me, and that thought was like a poison in my heart."

"Before I was saved by Practitioner Su, I was always following Mother. Sometimes I would be inside her body, and other times I would just be right by her side. After all, I am a spirit—I could follow Mother however I pleased. My temper was terrible, and I would get angry so easily. I was also prone to jealousy and envy. Whenever my rage flared up, I wanted Mother to soothe me, but she did not even know I was there. She could not see me, and she could not hear my voice. So, I made her body feel it—I made her hurt, I made her suffer, and I made her feel the weight of my abandonment."

Finding Peace in the Buddha-Light

"It was only after Practitioner Su saved me that I finally left Mother’s body. I originally thought that I would miss Mother terribly, but to my surprise, once I arrived at the Western Land of Dharma Nature, the Buddha-light purified me. I became clearer and clearer, and I finally understood that this was just a part of the cycle of rebirth. My connection with Mother in this lifetime was meant to be this way, and holding onto that anger was only hurting myself."

"I listened to the Dharma quietly, and in the end, I chose to let go of everything. Once I decided to come to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss, Practitioner Su brought me here very quickly. The transition was so smooth, so natural, and so full of light."

"I am so happy. Thank you, Mother, for being willing to perform Chao Du for me. Only then could I come here, and only then could I learn to let go of the past. I am even more grateful to Practitioner Su for helping me; because of her, I no longer have to suffer, and I am finally able to return to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss to see Namo Amituofo. Namo Amituofo. Miaoyin bows in reverence."