The Lost Childhood of Gao Chengbin

This is a record of an interview with Gao Chengbin, who sought Chao Du at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Land of Dharma Nature. This account reflects upon his life approximately 421 years ago. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on April 23, 2019.

Gao Chengbin speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am Gao Chengbin. My mother passed away shortly after I was born, and my father soon remarried, bringing a stepmother into our home. I was merely an infant at the time, and my father entrusted my care entirely to her. She never saw me as her own; in her eyes, I was just someone else's child, and she constantly longed for a child of her own flesh and blood. My father would often praise her, telling her what a wonderful job she was doing raising me. Because I was a quiet baby who rarely cried, slept soundly, and ate on schedule, I was considered an 'easy' child to manage. My stepmother thrived on this praise, frequently boasting to my father about her 'excellent' parenting. My father, hearing this, was overjoyed, feeling truly blessed to have such a virtuous wife."

The Cruelty Behind the Facade

"One day, my grandmother heard me wailing in my room. It was so unusual—I rarely cried like that—that she grew deeply concerned. She hurried toward my stepmother's room and heard her shouting aggressively. Seeing the door was not fully latched, my grandmother pushed it open just a crack. She was horrified by what she saw: my stepmother had tied my hands with a rope and hung me from the wall! She was slapping me, screaming at me, and even using her hairpins to stab and prick my skin. My grandmother was so heartbroken she was on the verge of tears. She burst into the room and shouted at my stepmother to stop. Startled, my stepmother immediately hid her hands behind her back, terrified that my grandmother would see the hairpin she was holding.

My grandmother rushed to me and untied the ropes. When she saw the deep, angry welts on my wrists—my entire hands had turned a bruised, reddish-purple—she was absolutely livid. She had already seen the hairpin, and she roared at my stepmother, 'Stop hiding it! I saw everything! My precious grandson is only a toddler; how could you be so cruel as to abuse him like this? I thought you were taking good care of him, so I trusted you with his life. I never imagined you were treating him this way! No wonder he is so terrified of you. You are a vicious woman! I will make sure Gao Yuan divorces you! Don't even think about remaining a daughter-in-law in our Gao family!' My stepmother fell to her knees, begging for mercy, pleading for one more chance, promising she would never do it again. My grandmother shoved her aside, refusing to speak another word to her, and carried me out of the room without looking back."

A Grandmother's Intervention

"In my grandmother's warm embrace, my wailing slowly subsided until I was calm. As she held me, she kept muttering about my stepmother, calling her a heartless woman, a woman with the soul of a viper! When my father returned from work, he had barely crossed the threshold before my grandmother called him over. She showed him the injuries on my body, recounted everything my stepmother had done, and demanded that he divorce her immediately. My father, still confused and overwhelmed by the sudden barrage of accusations, said, 'Wait, wait! Let me get to the bottom of this first!' He then went into the room to confront my stepmother.

Seeing my father, my stepmother immediately put on a tearful, fragile act. When he asked what had happened, she sobbed, 'I don't want to live anymore! I just don't want to live!' My father sat beside her, soothing her and acting deeply concerned. She continued, 'Chengbin did something wrong today, and I was only trying to teach him a lesson, but your mother misunderstood and accused me of abuse! You are the only one in this house who truly trusts me. You have seen how well I have raised him. How could your mother misunderstand me just because he cried a little louder today? I really don't want to live!' My father asked, 'Well, how exactly were you teaching him?' She paused, then lied, 'Chengbin was being naughty and pulled the hairpin from my hair. I wanted to show him that was wrong, so I pretended to tie his hands with a rope. Your mother just happened to walk in at that moment, and that is how it all became such a mess.' My father patted her shoulder, nodded, and said, 'Let's leave it at that for today. You must be exhausted; get some rest.'"

The Gambling Den and the Disappearance

"My grandmother knew my father would never divorce her, so she stopped speaking to him for several days to express her deep resentment. To ensure I would not be harmed by my stepmother again, she kept me by her side at all times. It was exhausting for her, but she was willing to sacrifice everything to protect me.

My grandmother's favourite pastime was visiting the tea house on the corner to play cards—or, to be blunt, to gamble. Whenever she started playing, she would simply leave me to the side. At first, I was too afraid to wander off, but as I became familiar with the environment, I began to explore and play on my own. My grandmother would keep an eye on me from the corner of her eye while she played. After a few times, she felt I was 'well-behaved' and grew less vigilant. She brought me along many times, and everyone would praise me for being such a quiet child who played alone without running off or crying. One day, my grandmother brought me to the tea house as usual. Her luck was incredible that day; she won at several tables, a streak she had never experienced before. She was in high spirits, her purse overflowing with silver. Before leaving, she heard the others complaining, 'What a massive loss today! That old Mrs. Gao took everything!' Everyone looked sour, while my grandmother was beaming. Only after everyone had dispersed did she suddenly realise, 'Where is Chengbin?' She bent down to see if I was hiding under the table, searching every corner of the tea house, but I was nowhere to be found. Panicked, she ran out into the street, shouting, 'Chengbin! Chengbin!' but I was gone. She asked every passerby, 'Have you seen a three-year-old boy in red clothes?' Everyone shook their heads. She searched from one end of the street to the other, weaving through alleyways, but I had vanished. As darkness fell, she didn't know what to do. She returned home, utterly defeated and crushed."

"My family was waiting for her to return for dinner. When my father saw her walk in with her head hung low, he stood up, concerned, 'Mother, why are you so late?' Then he noticed, 'Wait? Where is Chengbin? Mother, why didn't Chengbin come back with you?' My grandmother said, guilt-ridden and in a whisper, 'Chengbin... he is gone.' My father cried out in shock, 'Gone!' At that moment, my stepmother suddenly laughed and said, 'I told you so! Leaving him with Mother would end in disaster sooner or later! How can you look after a child while spending all day at a gambling den? Look what has happened now!' My grandmother glared at her, and my stepmother immediately shut her mouth. My father rushed out of the house, lantern in hand, searching for me until the middle of the night, but to no avail. He returned home, exhausted, grieving, and terrified, with no idea where I had gone."

The next morning, Grandmother and Father heard a knocking at the front gate. Father rushed to open it, and there stood a monk. Father’s eyes drifted downward, and he gasped, "Chengbin! It’s Chengbin!" Overjoyed, Father scooped him up. "I have been searching for you for so long! Where on earth did you go?" Grandmother came running from inside, crying, "Oh, Chengbin! You kept me awake all night! Where have you been?" The concubine stood in the room, watching him with a cold gaze. "The brat is lucky he managed to find his way back. It seems I will have to find a better way next time." The monk explained to Father, "Yesterday, I found this child sitting alone in a field of wild grass. He showed no fear at all. I noticed he was clutching a string of prayer beads, playing with them constantly, as if they gave him a sense of security. I brought him back to the temple and asked whose child he was, but he would not say a word. My master came out of his quarters, saw the child, and said sternly, 'How long do you intend to play? You are holding prayer beads, yet you still do not know how to wake up?' When my master said this, the child immediately looked up, walked before the Buddha, and bowed respectfully. Everyone present was astonished. This morning, the child walked ahead of me to lead the way, and that is how I knew he lived here." Grandmother and Father looked at each other in disbelief. Grandmother asked, "Since when did Chengbin become so capable?" Father could only shake his head.

The Revelation of the Beads

At that moment, Chengbin pointed his finger at the concubine, who immediately scurried back into her room, terrified. As Chengbin raised his hand, Father noticed the prayer beads he was holding. "These beads... why do they look so familiar? I feel like I have seen them somewhere before." Grandmother examined them closely and agreed, "They do look familiar." Father suddenly exclaimed, "They belong to Hongyue!" Hongyue was Chengbin’s concubine. She was hiding in her room, trembling, fearing that the truth would be exposed. As Father prepared to confront her, Chengbin tugged at his sleeve and spoke, "Father, I want to learn the Buddha’s teachings." Father was stunned. "Chengbin can speak? Was that really Chengbin?" Grandmother, shocked and overjoyed, begged him to say it again. Chengbin repeated, "I want to learn the Buddha’s teachings." Grandmother burst into tears of joy, sobbing, "I thought our precious grandson would never speak in his entire life! So... he had learned to speak all along! Oh, I am so happy, so very happy!" Father turned to the monk with deep gratitude, "Thank you, Master! Thank you! It was you who moved Chengbin to speak. I do not know how to thank you enough." The monk replied, "The child was initially unwilling to speak, but my master awakened him and told him to return to the temple to study the Dharma. When he heard that, it was as if he suddenly woke up and began to speak." Grandmother looked at Chengbin, whispering to herself, "Could it be... was Chengbin a monastic in a past life?"

A Second Disappearance

After that day, Chengbin’s desire to study the Dharma seemed to be forgotten, and he returned to his silent state. Father and Grandmother felt as if that day had been a dream, finding it hard to believe he had truly spoken. Another year passed, and Chengbin turned four. During the Lunar New Year, Grandmother dressed him in red from head to toe and took him out to pay respects to friends and relatives. While chatting with an old friend, she became so engrossed in conversation that she lost track of time. When she turned around, Chengbin was gone again. Panicked, she asked her friends, "Have you seen my precious grandson?" Everyone shook their heads. Grandmother searched frantically, and her friends joined in, but there was no sign of him. She ran home to Father, crying, "It is terrible! Chengbin is missing again!" Father rushed out, "How could he be missing? Wasn't he with you?" Grandmother, unable to explain, urged him, "Just find him first!"

The Memory of a Past Life

Father remembered the previous time and immediately ran to the temple. Sure enough, Chengbin was standing right at the gate. Father ran over and called out to him. Chengbin turned, and Father asked anxiously, "Why did you come here alone without saying a word?" Chengbin pointed to the temple and said, "I want to learn the Buddha’s teachings."

Father brought him inside, and Chengbin showed great curiosity about every building and object, even reaching out to touch the old walls. Father found the scene surreal and could not help but ask, "Who are you?" Chengbin pointed to a portrait of the temple’s first abbot. Father was shocked, "Why does this man look so much like Chengbin?" A monk approached and said, "They are the same person, so of course they look alike." Father could not believe that Chengbin was the first abbot of this temple, as hundreds of years had passed since then. He wondered, "How can this be?"

The Truth Revealed

Once Father agreed to let Chengbin study the Dharma, he became like a different person, speaking normally just like any other child. The whole family was amazed. Grandmother and Father were happy for him, but the concubine watched him from the corner of her eye, afraid to look directly at him. Grandmother noticed her strange behavior and demanded, "What are you afraid of?" Startled, the concubine stammered, "N-nothing!" Chengbin told Grandmother, "The concubine is actually my benefactor. It was she who showed me those prayer beads, which gave me the chance to meet that monk." Grandmother replied, "You do not need to defend her. You can tell us everything she has done to you over the years!" The concubine looked terrified, but Chengbin smiled, "Grandmother, do not misunderstand her. If it were not for her 'teaching,' I would still be a child who only knows how to cry. It was her constant reminders that helped me wake up so quickly." Father asked, "How do you know about your past?" Chengbin shook his head, "I do not know. It is as if these images remain in my mind, and I can even see the pasts of others."

Returning to the Path

Chengbin entered the temple to practice, feeling as if he had returned to a familiar home. Every task he performed was filled with Dharma joy—a feeling he had not experienced in a long time. The master in the temple treated Chengbin no differently than the others; no lesson could be skipped, and the strict precepts had to be followed without deviation. Chengbin took these teachings to heart and followed the Buddha’s teachings diligently.

"Have you heard of the Buddha’s teachings?" some women were chatting on the road. Another shook her head, "Never. I don't even know what the Dharma is. That is for rich people. How could commoners like us know anything about it?" Another woman added, "Exactly! My mother never mentioned it. I wouldn't know how to answer you." The first woman said, "I heard an eminent monk is coming to our village tomorrow to teach. I have time to go listen; if you are interested, come with me!"

A Legacy of Deliverance

The next day, when the women arrived at the square, villagers were already waiting. When the bhikshu walked by, one woman gasped, "Look at the mark on that monk's neck—doesn't it look familiar? Heavens! Isn't that Old Madam Gao's grandson?" Another replied, "You mean... Chengbin?" The woman said, "Yes, that is him! I remember that scar was caused by his concubine. Who would have thought that in just a few years, Chengbin would become such a dignified bhikshu? He looks so radiant." Grandmother approached from afar, leaning on her cane, accompanied by the concubine’s son. Twenty years had passed, and the concubine’s son, also interested in the Dharma, had come to listen. He was immediately captivated by Chengbin’s presence. Though he had never met his half-brother, he believed Chengbin’s dignity was the result of his practice, as the Gao family was not known for their looks. Seeing Chengbin so dignified and refined, the brother was moved and told Grandmother, "I want to learn the Buddha’s teachings, too! I want to become a monastic like my brother!" He listened intently, taking the Dharma into his heart. Chengbin’s return to his hometown saved many villagers, including his half-brother, who later followed the Buddha and became a monastic.

The beings Chengbin had saved in past lives met him again in this lifetime, many becoming his disciples. Chengbin taught them the Dharma and entrusted them with the responsibility of carrying on the lineage. In this life, he saved even more beings than in his previous life as a monk. It was not because his skills were greater, but because there were more suffering beings who knew their own pain and had no way out. When they heard Chengbin teaching, they finally saw a ray of hope and sought deliverance from the Buddha.

Now, Chengbin has returned to the human world from the Western Land. He sees Practitioner Su, who, despite bearing the suffering of all beings and walking with difficulty, possesses a pure and dignified appearance. People often ignore the spirit within them, deceived by the physical body, forgetting that the true, indestructible essence is the spirit. This body is merely a garment borrowed for this lifetime. When the time comes to return it, the body dissolves back into the elements, while the spirit continues to cycle through the realms, reaping the fruits of the karma created while wearing that garment.

Today, Practitioner Su offers earnest counseling to people out of a heart of pure compassion. Through teaching the Dharma, Practitioner Su seeks to transform the human heart, helping us realise—while we still wear this garment of human skin—that life and death are but illusions, and that all things are empty. Practitioner Su employs various skillful means to awaken people, hoping only that all beings will soon realise the truth and seek liberation. Only when one awakens from this deep delusion can the spirit finally find a moment of salvation.

The Struggle of the Human Heart

It is so difficult to save human beings; we are so deeply attached to this body, unable to let go. We cling to suffering, we cling to love, and we cling to every desire and sensation. Even when our spirits are wailing in agony, begging for help, we remain infatuated with this physical form, unable to see the truth. I urge all beings to cherish this time, while Practitioner Su is manifesting in this worldly realm. Be diligent in your practice, follow the Dharma to refine this body, and use the teachings to rescue your heart. Let go of the worldly dust that clings to you, untangle the heart from its worldly suffering, and follow the Buddha to rebirth in the Western Pure Land. I am deeply grateful for Practitioner Su’s compassionate manifestation in this world, saving countless beings from endless suffering. Namo Amituofo.

This interview was recorded by the chief writer, disciple Shi Fajing.