The Soul Trapped in the Performance of Life

This is a record of an interview with Venerable Changren, who reflects upon the nature of existence and the spiritual journey of deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. This interview was recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on September 9, 2017.

Venerable Changren speaks:

"Life is like a play, and a play is like life. Our existence is nothing more than a fleeting dream. Tell me, when do you intend to finally take off the 'costume' you are wearing? This play is rich and spectacular precisely because of all the Causal Conditions involved. But when the curtain falls and the music fades, when the performance is over, are you still the master of your own destiny? Or are you merely a 'soul of the play,' a puppet being manipulated by forces you no longer control?

The Illusion of the Role

How much time does a person truly have in one lifetime? Practitioner Su is someone who has already walked the path. If a person lives to be one hundred years old, that amounts to only about thirty-six thousand, five hundred days. How do you intend to spend these days? Will they be glorious? Mundane? Magnificent? Or will you simply drift through them? Have you ever truly seen the reality of this drama? You have rented this costume and possess everything that comes with this role—a script that has been completely pre-arranged. Is there any room for negotiation? Or are you destined to perform it from beginning to end without change, only to cling to the final scenes when the curtain is about to close?

It is difficult to see the stage for what it is. Once we put on the costume, we become so immersed in the performance that we forget the clarity we possessed before we ever stepped onto the stage. We become completely absorbed in the joys and sorrows, the tragic melodies, and the fleeting pleasures of the play. Like a performer waving the long sleeves of a costume, we scatter our life's energy into the performance. The audience below may applaud, but they forget the performance as soon as it ends. Who remembers all the details of the play afterward? Only the performer, who refuses to take off the costume, remains trapped in sorrow, mourning everything that cannot be reclaimed. Why not simply take off the costume instead of suffering as a pathetic 'soul of the play'?

The Puppet of Samsara

How many people have become puppets of this drama, willingly becoming dedicated 'souls of the play'? We are caught in the entanglements of vows, love, hatred, and the scripts of reincarnation. You are an excellent performer. The lead actress will call upon you, you will put on the magnificent costume, and you will perform play after play. The 'soul of the play' is so skilled at acting, yet the Great Compassionate Father never watches these performances. He only waits with immeasurable and boundless patience. He waits to see if, when the curtain falls on each act, someone will finally decide to board the flight that goes directly to the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss.

Is the greatest tragedy of life not the fact that, in the end, everything is false? The theatre will always close, and it will always be left empty. The next play will begin, but it will have nothing to do with you. The costume must eventually be taken off for someone else to wear; it is impossible for you to wear it forever. Even if you wanted to continue, the cast would not be the same. Every actor has their own space. To perform together is merely a matter of affinity. The 'soul of the play' who cannot let go will only sit in the shadows, weeping silently, unable to move on. No one can see your brilliance anymore. Your self-perceived misery only makes the audience laugh at your ignorance. Why not take off that outdated costume?

The Struggle for the Spotlight

You cling to the same emotions, remaining entangled in the original role from a false drama. When there is no opportunity for you to perform, you use competition to forcibly seize a position that originally belonged to someone else. We most often see people fighting over the same love. Sometimes, the audience below is not happy because they see a climax in the performance; rather, they are often left in disbelief at the subtle emotional entanglements. How many 'souls of the play' can fit under one costume? Everyone wants to be the lead, so how can you share it?

You are willing to fight others for this costume, and you are willing to live in the shadow of others. Do you still have any chance to recall the light of your past? You were once such a compassionate Bodhisattva, such a dignified Tathagata. Why are you willing to fall into this false, illusory realm? Can you understand that although your Master does not say it, his heart is filled with reluctance to see you like this? He will never give up on reaching out to welcome this lost child home. His selfless compassion never includes a single word of blame; he is simply waiting for the moment the child awakens and returns.

The Unfilial Child

Are you this unfilial child? To fight for a role in a play, you are willing to become a 'soul of the play,' immersed in these desires and attachments. You mistakenly believe that everything on this stage is real. You have forgotten how you promised the Compassionate Father you would return, and you have forgotten the promises you once made. You have forgotten that you were once in the audience, watching the play and laughing at the foolish souls performing on stage. So, are you going to let go, or are you going to hold on? Do you remember saying you would come home? Now, because of all these unreal things, you refuse to go home, leaving yourself covered in darkness. If you can still remember the past, you should feel ashamed and repent deeply.

Is the world of Saha not just a stage? There are many theatres performing different scripts. Sometimes several theatres might perform together, but every day there are people who take off their costumes, and every day there are new performers joining. Every single day the scripts are different. In this play without a script, you never know what will happen in the next moment. But the audience below is always very clear. No matter how lost those on stage are, the audience always knows that the next play will be much the same. Do you not feel embarrassed? Wearing this costume, unable to bear the thought of losing its lingering warmth—do you know how many people in the audience are laughing at you?

The Truth of the Performance

The houses, cars, money, the natural scenery, the weather effects, and all the components that make up the drama—which of these was not prepared just to perform this play well? You agreed to perform this script, but then you fell in love with your co-star or the props in the background, and now you cannot bear to part with them. Although I should speak more gently, this is truly ignorance and arrogance.

Playing the king, the queen, the concubine, the official, the father, the mother, the monk, the disciple, the man, the woman—playing every person or every object—which one is not just a performance? Which one is real? You cannot bear to let go, but you cannot repeat the past either. The affinity that has ended is an empty illusion that cannot be reclaimed. Even if you try to perform it again, the tone will have changed. Only a replay can provide the original sound, but by then, perhaps only you will be left in front of the screen, immersed in the recording, reminiscing about everything that once was. Perhaps only you are still wearing the original costume, earnestly hoping that one day, when you meet again, he will recognize you and you can reconcile. Do you really think that when you reach that 'time' you speak of, things will be as good as they were before?

The Call from Home

Today, when I, Changren, speak these words, it is because Namo Amituofo has spoken of the promises we all made. Do you remember how you told your elders when you went on a long journey as a child? 'Dad! Mom! I'm leaving, I'll be back soon.' And your parents would always reply, 'Be careful on the road, come back soon.' Do you remember when we left home, we said the same thing? We told Namo Amituofo, we promised Namo Amituofo, 'I will be back soon.' But these words have become a lie that has lasted for aeons.

Reincarnation after reincarnation, we remain addicted and unable to let go, forgetting the past completely while leaving behind a memory filled with emotion. How many days have passed since you went home? The old Father is still in the same position, calling out to his beloved child, 'Come home! Come home!' The Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss has made call after call, urging us not to continue like this. 'Let go of everything and come home!' But we, rebellious and unfilial, have hung up the phone every time to continue doing what we want. The helpless old Father can only find another opportunity to dial the number, waiting for the child to pick up and say he wants to come home. His heart, which only wants his child to return, never blames you for what you did while you were away. And you—are you ready to go home now?

If you are crying now and saying you want to go home, do you really want to go home? How many times has the old Father called, and you have cried and said you wanted to go home, but the old Father still waits in vain for his child to return? Such crying only reveals all the grievances and sorrows you have accumulated throughout your many lives. You do not want to go home at all, because you still think your costume is real. A person who truly wants to go home immediately takes off the costume, stands up, brushes off the dust, sees their own light, and becomes an extraordinary person who no longer speaks or sings of the play. This is called boldness; this is true clarity and awakening.

The Final Curtain

All the Causal Conditions around you are not real; they are one false appearance after another. To fulfill the role brought about by this costume, you leave behind makeup even after the costume is removed. Are you a person, or are you a soul? It is just like saying you want to practise, but you still keep a way out. Are you truly sincere about letting go? If you do not wash off the makeup, you are still the same performer. People will still see you and want you to perform, because you are fundamentally still an actor. No one will see you as an extraordinary person. You are still performing with true emotion from time to time—perhaps in your dreams, perhaps in your daily life. Even if you think you have taken off the costume, you have not removed the makeup.

This morning, it is not entirely Changren who wants to say these things to everyone, but the words of a Great Compassionate Father who wants to speak to you. You should know who it is. It is an old Father who has waited for a very long time. I, Changren, am also that rebellious, unfilial child. Because of this affinity, I have seen that behind Changren, there was a home all along. How long have I lived as if I did not need this home? I am like a wayward son who ran away from home. I am ashamed before the elders of my hometown. These friends from my hometown watched me sink here and commit immeasurable and boundless sins. Even though everyone was shouting, 'Don't! Don't!' I never heard them, because I was too lost in this illusory reality, forgetting that it was all false. I really want to cry out loud, but I will not do so, because any performance of emotion is hypocritical. Only when I truly let go of everything and go home will it be real. Entering the home and hugging the Father who has waited for us for so long is the true light—no longer just a role in a worldly theatre.

We are all prone to arrogance, ego, and attachment to all these false things. That is why we carry all these habits and customs, making it difficult for us to escape throughout our many lives. We love these roles too much and are too immersed in the performance. We often bring these habits and acting techniques into the next theatre, continuing to perform in the same way. But you may not necessarily notice this. Only the audience watching from below will see that your acting tricks are limited to these few. How many Causal Conditions related to you will accompany you under this costume? Everyone should reflect deeply on this serious question: how long must a play last before it is considered over? How can the costume be taken off completely? How can the makeup be removed so that you are entirely your original self, not a performed role? The Compassionate Father always looks at our original selves. He never cares about these appearances in the play. The only ones who care are ourselves, because we still have these worldly hearts and have given rise to great discriminations, jealousy, and fighting. It is so shameful. With the Truth becoming clearer, if you still do not understand how to wake up and change into your original attire, you should know that you do not need to take anything with you—just leave cleanly. In the final act of this play, you should understand how to retreat gracefully and not continue to perform. Do not be the most rebellious child in the eyes of the elders.

Whether you have let go completely is not something that can be proven by your words alone. The ones watching all of this are the audience below. You will always be that lost character. Only when you find the original you will you truly think of that home—the Western home, which is also the only home you can return to. It is not your backup plan, and it is not your 'mother's house.' If you still value everything in the world and cannot let go of worldly things, treating the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss as a fallback because you have nowhere else to go, then you are too deeply lost. You will always be the Father's child, but you have not yet wanted to go home. If you truly returned, what kind of achievements could you bring back to that home of light?

Changren is working hard to prepare to go home. I am preparing the provisions for my return, which is to make up for the mistakes of these years. Those who want to 'carry karma' to go home are actually being very irresponsible. Although it may be a last resort, going home in this way—even though the old Father will not discriminate and may not blame you—is truly shameful. The compassion and hard work of the old Father... as an important child in the old Father's heart, I should help the old Father bring all his worries home. That is to save the world, to save these children who are still wandering. Everyone, stop acting! We should all go home together. There is no need for mutual suspicion; we are all one family, and we should all go home together."

Namo Amituofo.