Awakening from the Mirror of Silence

This is a record of an interview with Luo Dingfa, a former prison guard who sought deliverance through Chao Du at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his experiences across multiple lifetimes and his service as a spirit. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa-xi, on June 29, 2025.

Luo Dingfa speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I offer my deepest, most sincere gratitude for the care of the Dharma. It is only through this guidance that we are granted the light, and that every single one of us is given the precious opportunity to learn and to change. I am profoundly grateful that I have been able to attain rebirth in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss today. I thank Namo Amituofo, and I thank Practitioner Su. On behalf of all the spirits who have served in the underworld, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha’s grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo."

The Heavy Burden of Being a 'Good Person'

"I was once what everyone called a 'good person.' I would agree to anything, shoulder every responsibility, and always place the needs of others before my own. To me, filial piety, politeness, and concession were the very meaning of my existence. Whenever someone else was angry, disappointed, or sad, I would blame myself, convinced that I must have failed in some way. But in truth, this was not born from genuine kindness; it was a form of deep-seated repression and fear. I dared not refuse, dared not express myself, and dared not have a voice of my own. I played the role of who I thought I 'should' be, keeping my true thoughts tightly locked away, living entirely within the expectations and judgments of others.

My heart was like a pressure cooker, stifled and silent. On the surface, I appeared gentle and compliant, but inside, I had accumulated far too much dissatisfaction and grievance. That day-after-day repression, which no one could understand, eventually transformed into a heavy karma that quietly gnawed away at my physical body. One evening, just after I had climbed the stairs, a sudden, sharp pain struck my chest. I fainted and collapsed right at my own front door. If one were to use modern medical diagnosis, I was suffering from multi-organ failure, my body riddled with chronic inflammation and toxins. This all came suddenly, yet in truth, it had been destined for a long time.

My final thought before I passed away was: 'I have worked so hard to be a good person, so why is my reward only loneliness, silence, and a death like this?' In that single moment of resentment and confusion, I departed from the human world."

The Mirror of the Temple

"I do not know how much time passed as I drifted through the cycle of rebirth, but eventually, I was reborn as a mirror. It was not a magnificent, ornate mirror, but a simple one fixed in front of a statue in a Buddhist temple. I could not move, I could not speak, and no one paid me any mind. People came only to look at the Buddha statue, to look at the incense, and to look at the person they hoped to become, but they never looked at who they were in that very moment. Day and night, I reflected the sentient beings who came and went. Some were greedy, some were tormented, some were filled with resentment, and others appeared pious on the outside but were hollow within. But the most familiar sight was the eyes of those who, like me, were silently repressed—those who always said they were 'fine' while their eyes were heavy with exhaustion.

I saw too many souls just like me: suppressing, people-pleasing, and pretending to be 'good.' One day, a young monk came to wipe away the dust from my surface. He stared into the mirror for a long time, his expression growing increasingly heavy. Suddenly, he murmured to himself, 'In this human world, people only ever see the expressions on a face or the clothes on a body, yet no one looks at the message within the eyes... The look in this mirror, it speaks.' He paused for a moment and added, 'People love to ask, "How do I look?" but they rarely ask, "Is there still light in my eyes?"'

He bowed his head to me with palms pressed together. In that instant, I felt as if we were truly seeing one another in silence. It was not that he was looking at a mirror; he was truly trying to see what was living inside a person's heart. His words echoed in my mind: 'It is not your appearance, but the message in your eyes that determines who you are while you live.' I was shaken to my core."

A New Life and a New Purpose

"In that moment, I saw the root of all my past struggles clearly. In my previous life, I thought that not arguing, not speaking, and conceding were virtues of kindness; but I finally understood that it was merely my way of escaping conflict, a denial of my own existence, and a painful endurance of a fire buried deep within. I had been fixed before the Buddha, reflecting people every day, yet no one truly saw me. I could not hear, I could not see the other side of the world, and all that remained were the backs of people coming and going and the smoke of incense. Everyone brought their prayers, but no one knew that I had once been human and had things I wanted to say. I finally understood that I had not chosen silence; I had been locked into a mirror by my own fear of being seen and rejected. My heart finally woke up: I was willing to leave the world of the mirror, to stop merely reflecting, and to live out the vow I had never dared to live.

The moment that firm resolve arose, the mirror cracked with a loud 'snap.' That crack was like a seal being broken, and my consciousness was pulled from the glass, as if I had escaped a long, closed cycle of samsara. I was reborn once more. This time, I was born into a poor family with simple, honest customs. Though life was frugal, it was filled with human warmth. Despite our financial struggles, my parents raised me with immense love and hard work. From the moment I was born, however, my body carried an unprecedented burden. Hospitals became my second home; the sound of IV drips and the sight of pale walls defined my childhood. Many times, I would lie there weakly, staring at the ceiling, a question always surfacing in my heart: 'Why did I come into this world?'"

The Light Ambassador

"The discomfort and weakness of my body were like shadows that never left me. The recurring pain was not just a torment of the flesh; it was a reminder from the depths of my destiny, calling out to me: 'You have unfinished business, you have unfulfilled vows.' It felt as if an invisible thread was pulling me toward an unknown destination. One day, I met a young volunteer in the hospital. He pushed a book cart, chatting with patients and reading poetry. He was like a light in my heavy ward. He looked at my pale face and smiled, saying, 'I don't know what you have been through, but there is a unique gentleness in your eyes. Perhaps you are here not just to suffer, but to help others suffer less.' That night, his words unlocked a seal in my soul. I remembered my old wish: to listen to everyone's story, to accompany the lonely through the dark. I had always thought I lacked the ability, but I realized I had simply never given myself the chance to believe.

I began to write every day. Though my fingers were weak, I slowly recorded the bits and pieces of life I saw in the ward. These stories showed me that the brightest part of a human being is not a healthy body, but a heart willing to treat others with kindness. I compiled these stories, and they began to circulate through the hospital. My condition worsened, but my heart became clearer. I understood that I was not here to suffer, but to live out the awakening within me. In the deep winter of my twenty-first year, my condition took a turn for the worse. One night, I felt my body grow cold, my limbs numb, and my heartbeat slowing. I looked at the last starlight outside the window, feeling no regret, only the thought: 'I have done my best in this life.' I died. I left the human world without fear. This life was not just a process; it was a completion. It was not the end, but the beginning of pushing my vow toward the next journey.

I arrived at the hall of Yama. He looked at me for a long time and finally said, 'You have done your best in this life. You are no longer the soul that suppresses itself and seeks to please others. You have walked out of the mirror and awakened from the silent pain. Now, I give you a task.' He paused, his tone solemn: 'From now on, you shall become a "Light Ambassador," travelling between the human world and the intermediate state, guiding those souls who have not yet returned. Most souls in this world are trapped in desire and attachment. They are in a thick fog, walking further and further away, with no one to guide them and no one to turn them back. They are not unwilling to return; they simply can no longer hear, see, or feel, and they believe that the fog is their home.'"

The True Light of Deliverance

"He looked at me with a heavy gaze: 'Remember, you are not there to wake anyone up, but to light the path. You cannot force a soul blinded by desire to return, but you can illuminate the path they once longed for and see who is still willing to come back.' I knelt, my voice trembling: 'I do not want to live as I did before, never seeing myself.' Yama nodded: 'Then go. This time, you are not silent; you are a lamp for the world, carrying the suffering of the past and the light of your vow. This work is not easy, but because most people have gone too far to be called back, you do not need to chase them. You only need to hold the light and see who is willing to turn around.' I set out on my journey, carrying my vow. I saw countless young souls floating in the illusions of the virtual world, their spirits detached and their bodies empty shells. I saw wounded hearts sealing themselves away, and elderly souls whose consciousness had long since drifted away, yet remained bound by the attachments of their families. I stood beside them and whispered, 'You are still alive, please come back.' But most responded with silence, numbness, or the words: 'I don't want to anymore. It is too tiring, too bitter; what is the point of going back?'

I tried reasoning and moving them, but nothing worked. Until one day, I heard the sound of chanting echoing through the space—chanting Namo Amituofo, the realization that one does not need to die! That sound was so powerful, as clear as a beam of light, piercing through the entire space. That sound was like opening a door in the darkness, awakening countless souls who had been drifting, causing them to tremble to their very core. I wept. I heard it, and I saw it—it was Practitioner Su, surrounded by countless holy beings, performing Chao Du in the space, along with the continuous sound of chanting. In that moment, I understood completely: that is the true light of liberation! I am so moved, and I know that I must learn actively so that in the future, I may have the opportunity to bring this light to more and further places to help sentient beings. I am deeply grateful that I have been able to attain rebirth in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss today. On behalf of all the spirits who have served in the underworld and all sentient beings with karmic affinity, I bow in gratitude for the Buddha’s grace and the grace of Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo.'

Luo Dingfa, with palms pressed together."