The Caterpillar Becomes a Butterfly: The Journey of Venerable Daozheng

This is a record of an interview with Venerable Daozheng, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. She now resides in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon her life and spiritual journey. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Faxin, on June 7, 2017.

Venerable Daozheng speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I would not dare to say that my words are for the purpose of instructing others; I am merely sharing the humble details of my own path of practice. I was born into a family of traditional Chinese medicine practitioners. My father was a man of immense patience and meticulous care, and because of his gentle character, he became close friends with many of the patients he treated. I grew up in my father's clinic, and my favourite pastime was watching him diagnose patients. His eyes were always filled with a radiant light of confidence and compassion. During the quiet moments in the shop, he began to teach me how to identify medicinal herbs—which ones were suited for which physical constitutions. To me, a child eager to learn, this was never the tedious or dry task others described. I would take those herbs and smell them one by one, carefully memorising their unique scents. My entire childhood was steeped in the aroma of traditional medicine, to the point where I could identify almost every ingredient in a decoction just by its smell. My father was quite satisfied with my progress. Although I was a daughter, he hoped that I would one day enter the profession and continue to help people. He never spoke these wishes aloud, but I knew them in my heart.

A Life Dedicated to Healing

As my father had hoped, I enrolled in the China Medical University. The studies there came naturally to me; having learned so much through my daily life, I was able to grasp the concepts of diagnosis, the origins of disease, and preventative care much faster than my peers. Everyone admired my ability, but in truth, I was not more gifted than anyone else—it was simply the result of my lifelong dedication, not something achieved overnight. Shortly after graduation, through a series of Causal Conditions, I opened my own clinic under my birth name, Guo Huizhen, and officially became a physician. Beyond treating physical ailments, I sought to heal the heart. I always treated my patients with genuine concern, viewing them as my own family members, providing them with comfort and warmth even when their bodies were wracked with pain. Perhaps this inclination was rooted in my family's deep devotion to Buddhism from my earliest years. Through the process of treating patients, I came to deeply understand the cycle of birth, old age, sickness, and death. I realised that only through the Buddha’s teachings could one transcend this cycle. I believed that by focusing solely on chanting Namo Amituofo, one could be reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss at the end of life, free from physical suffering and mental anxiety. I often shared this perspective with those around me, feeling in my heart that only by studying the Buddha’s teachings could one truly find liberation.

The Turning Point: A Diagnosis of Despair

One afternoon, shortly after finishing lunch, I stood up and suddenly collapsed in a faint. I was rushed to the hospital for examinations, and the results were devastating: I had an ovarian tumor. It was already beyond the point of being controlled by medication, and it was unclear whether it had metastasized. It was a bolt from the blue, a piece of news that shattered the rhythm of my life. For a moment, I wondered, 'I have spent my life healing others, why has this happened to me?' But I quickly cast that thought aside. I told myself, 'Accept everything that happens with a willing heart.' As a practitioner of the Buddha’s teachings, I had to learn to accept and face this reality. After adjusting my mindset, I underwent Western medical treatment. The process was not as uncomfortable as I had imagined. Once I faced it with courage, I spent my days in calm chanting of Namo Amituofo. I am so grateful for the Buddha’s compassion; I made a vow that if I recovered, I would dedicate my life to becoming a monastic to help others. After a period of rest and recovery, I finally overcame this life-altering test. I am so grateful to the Buddha—I truly recovered. I fulfilled my vow and took refuge under the lineage of the Venerable Master Guang Qin, receiving the Dharma name Daozheng.

The Hidden Dangers of Subtle Thoughts

After becoming a monastic, I gave of myself selflessly, feeling that this life had been a gift returned to me. Although my physical strength was sometimes limited, I did my best, always keeping the Buddha-name in my heart. I shared my insights on life and taught others to chant Namo Amituofo. Many disciples, upon hearing my Dharma talks, also made vows to become monastics and follow me, especially many young women. This brought me great comfort, and I felt that my life as a monastic had true meaning and value. However, even though I tried to be selfless, there were times when my old habits would manifest. Life in the temple is like living in a large family, and it requires immense tolerance. Not everyone always had a pleasant expression, and when someone spoke with a harsh tone, my heart would inevitably fluctuate. I would dwell on their faults or feel critical of their way of doing things. I would only look, keeping these thoughts inside without speaking them aloud. I did not realise that these tiny, subtle fluctuations were beginning to affect my body, causing my already fragile health to collapse once again. Dizziness returned, accompanied by high fevers. This state left me unable to leave my bed, and I had to trouble my fellow monastics to take turns caring for me. At the time, I did not understand why the pain had returned. I tried hard to persuade myself to use my willpower to hold on. Sometimes, I would sigh, wondering what I had done in the past to deserve such retribution in this life. My heart was filled with repentance. I am so grateful that I encountered the Buddha’s teachings in this life, allowing me to endure every physical discomfort with a calm heart; otherwise, had I been in the secular world, I would have been filled with such anger, injustice, and frustration.

The Illusion of a Peaceful Passing

I seemed to know that my time was running out. My body fluctuated between good and bad, so I made a vow to use my remaining days to record the journey I had taken. When I had enough strength to sit up, I asked a fellow monastic to record my voice, leaving behind an account of my physical suffering, how I adjusted my mindset, and my choice to focus solely on chanting Namo Amituofo. I believed the Buddha would lead me away. I could endure all the suffering of this physical body, just for the sake of the moment I closed my eyes and could go to the Western Pure Land. At the age of forty-eight, while chanting Namo Amituofo in my room with my fellow monastics assisting me, they saw my complexion appear slightly rosy. I closed my eyes, and they were certain I had been reborn in the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. But what was the truth? I had fallen straight into hell. Why, after a life spent healing the bodies and hearts of others, did I end up in hell? It might be hard for you to believe, but it all came down to my thoughts. Those subtle moments of dissatisfaction, the resentment I harboured in my heart that no one else knew about—that was the cause. My complexion was rosy before I died, but after death, I fell into the Volcanic Hell, where my entire body was scorched with heat. In the midst of that suffering, I heard someone calling my name, and in a state of confusion and dizziness, I arrived at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre and was placed upon a lotus seat. After listening to the Dharma for several weeks and attending the Thrice Yearning Ceremony, I was delivered to the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. I am so very grateful.

A Karmic Debt from Centuries Past

Shi Faxin: May I ask why you developed cancer in this life? Was it because your karmic creditors found you? And when the illness returned, was it because of those subtle thoughts that allowed these beings to find you?

Venerable Daozheng: The ovarian cancer I suffered in this life was the result of a past life—my fifth life ago—when I was a eunuch in the imperial palace. Because I was favoured by the Emperor, many consorts sought to curry favour with me, and I was manipulated into harming many of them, causing them to miscarry. That is why I had to endure this retribution in this life. After I underwent cancer treatment, those beings did not leave; instead, they were even more enraged. Whenever my thoughts were not aligned with the Dharma, they would cause my body to fall into a state of illness. This time, it coincided with the end of my natural lifespan, and so my life in this world came to an end. Only now, looking back, do I realise that these beings were from one of my past lives. It just happened to be their turn to seek revenge in this life, and there are still many others waiting for me. When I am reborn again, they will all swarm upon me. I only realised this after listening to the Dharma here. I would not dare to call this 'counseling,' but for all practitioners, you must be mindful of every subtle thought. Otherwise, one moment of carelessness can create the causes for hell. Whether or not you believe what I have written, you must understand the terrifying nature of cause and effect. I am grateful to the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre for giving me the opportunity to share my story as a mirror for others in their practice. Namo Amituofo."

Shi Faxin: I am grateful to Venerable Daozheng for accepting this interview. Your story will help many practitioners. Namo Amituofo.