The Hidden Poison of Jealousy

Appearance arises from the mind, and the mind is transformed by our thoughts.

Shi Faxi: May I ask, are you the beings who embody the nature of these thoughts? Namo Amituofo.

The Spirit of Jealousy: Indeed, that is who we are.

Shi Faxi: May I ask what kind of thoughts you represent? Would you be willing to accept an interview? Your precious story could help many people awaken and find clarity. The merit of such an act would be immense. Please, out of your great compassion, share your story with us. Namo Amituofo.

The Spirit of Jealousy: In the path of spiritual practice, there is no greater obstacle than the heart of jealousy. Jealousy has the power to destroy all virtuous Dharma. Its strength is immense, and we are the embodiment of this very thought.

The Subtle Shadow of Jealousy

Shi Faxi: Namo Amituofo. Please, out of your compassion, tell us your story. Let it serve as a mirror for those of us who follow, so that we may not repeat the same mistakes.

The Spirit of Jealousy (speaking as Practitioner Shi Changde): I am very willing to speak, provided there are those willing to listen. Everything happens according to conditions. I was a monastic, and by rights, I should have been considered a leader among the fourfold assembly. I had achieved much in my spiritual practice, and my skills were well-developed. However, there was one thing I never changed: my jealousy. I did not truly understand where I had gone wrong. I had practised diligently throughout my life, enduring much hardship, and I became known to the world as an eminent monk of great virtue. For a time, I even believed this of myself.

But at the moment of my passing, I was alone. I realised then that I was not who I thought I was. Those who came to receive me were not the Three Holy Ones of the West, nor was it Namo Amituofo. Instead, I was met with a vast, encroaching darkness. As I realised my situation, a voice began to judge my sins. It was not judging another; it was judging me. Every merit and every karmic obstacle of my entire life was clearly recorded in the Book of Life and Death. Unlike the judgments of the world, this process examined the most subtle of faults and thoughts.

The Unveiling of the Karmic Record

As I listened to the judge recite my karmic obstacles one by one, I felt a chill run through my soul. It was terrifying. For example, the judge said: 'Shi Changde, you served as an abbot with merit, but in your subtle thoughts, you did not always follow the righteous path. You were biased and partial; this is a fault! Shi Changde, you served the public throughout your life as a monastic; this is merit! But in your subtle thoughts, you were attached to gains and losses. While this may not be a grave sin, it diminished your merit. Shi Changde, you achieved much in your spiritual path and successfully trained disciples to carry on the teachings; this is merit! However, you lacked a heart of great compassion toward your fellow practitioners. Your inner state did not match your outer appearance. While you taught your disciples to cultivate the Bodhicitta of great compassion, your own heart was mixed with impure thoughts. This was not a pure practice; it was tainted. You did not truly pass on the Buddha’s teachings in their entirety. Where there is bias, there is fault.'

I dared to ask why I had been brought to the underworld for judgment. Had I really practised so incorrectly throughout my life?

A Lesson from the Intermediate Realm

The judge replied with compassion: 'It is not as you say. Throughout your life in this world, you were blinded by your own eyes, your own thoughts, and your own perceptions. There are deities watching from above, and there are spirits recording every detail on your shoulders. The Book of Life and Death and the Record of Merit are both accurate and true. Of course, not everyone must come here to report. But for you, a great practitioner, your practice had merit and your contributions were real. You were indeed a virtuous monk. However, at the time of your passing, when your life's merits and faults were tallied, you did not have the power to directly reach the Western Pure Land of Ultimate Bliss. Even to ascend to the twenty-eight levels of the heavenly realms, there were obstacles. Because of these obstacles, you must speak of your sins here. Through sincere repenting and purification, you may ascend to the heavenly realms, or some may even attain a lotus position in the Western Pure Land.'

'In truth, this place is merely a transit station arranged by the compassion of the underworld. Those who are truly evil and corrupt fall directly into the three evil realms or the hells. Namo Amituofo.'

The Black Spot of the Soul

After the judge spoke, I understood much more, and I was willing to accept my karmic outcome. How much one has cultivated is clear and manifest; there is not the slightest room for falsehood. After that, I was taken to the twenty-eighth heaven. The Western Pure Land is a place of true purity and coolness. To reach it directly, one must change their heart and put in the work within their own mind. Throughout my life, I studied the sutras and practised diligently. I changed my heart and my nature, and my appearance became dignified. Everyone praised me, saying I possessed the countenance of the West. Although I felt humbled, I accepted these praises with joy. I exhausted all my efforts in my spiritual achievements, never sparing myself. I always believed that my rebirth in the Western Pure Land would be certain.

I truly did my best to fulfil my role in spreading the Dharma every day and passing it on to the next generation. I thought that when the time came to retire, I would depart with ease. But I never imagined that the distance between me and the Western Pure Land would be so vast. The reason lay in my heart. I had not changed thoroughly enough. I was biased, and even the most subtle bias could not be hidden. Appearance arises from the mind. I had cultivated a full, dignified face, but there was a small black spot on it. I did not realise that this small spot was the manifestation of the subtle stains of jealousy within my heart.

A Call to Pure Practice

I knew I had jealousy, but I thought I had already corrected it through years of practice. I ignored the terrifying nature of these residual habits. On my path of practice, I rarely interacted with others. After my master passed the temple to me, most of my fellow disciples went their separate ways. I poured my energy into expanding the temple. My first subtle, unacceptable thought of jealousy arose from envy of larger temples. My second subtle, unacceptable thought of jealousy arose from envy of the outstanding achievements of younger students. I did not feel admiration; I felt only comparison. These thoughts were the residual habits of jealousy, a deep-seated, inferior nature. I did not put in the work to purify them, and it was a great pity for my spiritual practice. To have a heart like the Buddha and a vow like the Buddha, one must practise with one hundred per cent sincerity. There must be no room for even the slightest impurity. That is true practice! Do not fear that your thoughts are wrong; fear only that your awakening is slow. I share this with all the fourfold assembly of disciples in this world. I hope we may all attain the Buddha’s path together. Namo Amituofo.

Shi Faxi: I am deeply grateful for your compassionate teaching. I have benefited greatly. No one knows these subtle faults, and it is even more terrifying not to know that one must change. It is like poison. As I now bear the identity of a Bhikshuni, I will certainly strive to work hard. Namo Amituofo.

Recorded by the Buddha's disciple, Shi Haiyuan, as Practitioner Shi Changde manifests to teach:

Showing the truth so that new monastics may see.
Do not walk the same path and destroy your journey to the West.