This is a record of an interview with Zhuang Huijing, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Buddhist Centre in Australia. She now resides in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon her life and her transition into the Pure Land. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa Jing, on May 30, 2025.
Zhuang Huijing speaks:
". Please, allow this unfilial daughter, Huijing, to offer three kowtows to my parents. I know that I have caused my father and mother such deep sorrow and pain—a grief from which they likely have not yet fully emerged. I am so sorry to my father and mother. I left before I had the chance to truly show them filial piety, and with that departure, I can never see them again.
I am deeply grateful to Practitioner Su for guiding my spirit so that I could reach the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss and have this opportunity to apologise to my parents. I also want to express my gratitude to all the fellow practitioners who helped and supported me, and who did not forget to chant for me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart."
A Life Defined by Expectations
"Now, looking back at my life from a different perspective—from the perspective of having a physical body and then from the perspective of being without one—I can see that things are truly different. The path I walked in this life was shaped by my own aspirations, but also by the expectations my parents held for me. I was profoundly influenced by them. From a young age, nurtured by their care, teachings, and the values they instilled in me, these influences naturally merged with my own inner self, leading me to believe that this was simply how my life was meant to unfold.
I loved helping people. To me, it was something I was meant to do, something I wanted to do with all my might. I dedicated myself to helping as many people as I could. Consequently, I aligned my ambitions with service-oriented work, using my professional skills and my background in Buddha’s teachings to educate children."
The Hidden Void Within
"Yet, as I look back now at my inner state at that time, I am shocked to see that there was a profound sense of emptiness deep within my heart. This void was something I had never noticed, something I could never have imagined.
I was terrified of facing failure, and I was terrified of facing my true self. I loved my parents, but in that environment, I often forgot who I truly was. I was very obedient to adults, and I wanted to fulfil everyone's expectations of me. I disliked seeing others sad; I wanted everyone to be happy. I admit that I often had negative emotions, but I would never easily show them. Most of the time, I would cover these negative states with a cloth, wrap them up tightly, and hide them deep within my heart. I was so afraid that they might accidentally spill out, hurt someone else, or cause others to grieve for me."
The Fragility of the Physical Form
"However, I neglected the fact that the human body is fragile. I underestimated the intensity of these negative energies and failed to realise how much damage they were inflicting upon my health.
I pushed myself forward, using my entire life to complete the studies I felt I had to finish, but I never realised that the negative energy I had buried in my heart was quietly stealing my health. It did not cause me to fall gravely ill all at once; instead, it slowly hollowed out my body. From the outside, there was not a single trace of this, and even I did not notice these minute, incremental changes.
In the end, I lost the strength to struggle. I had no energy left to resist."
The Final Moments of Confusion
"I cannot forget the agony I felt just before my spirit left . Beyond the excruciating pain of the spirit leaving the body, I was overwhelmed by the complexity of my inner state.
I was leaving. It was all over. All my efforts were for nothing... Where was I going? Who was I? So many thoughts flashed through my mind, and in the end, they stopped on those three words: 'Who am I?' I panicked—I was truly panicked. I did not know why this was happening, nor did I know what else I could do for myself. It felt as though I could do nothing at all, and I could only—give up.
I use the word 'give up' rather than 'let go' to describe my state at that time. There is a vast difference between the two. I was the former, not the latter, because I had not truly let go. I had not learned the Buddha’s teachings of following Causal Conditions; I still wanted to pursue things, but I had no strength left. In the end, I could only choose to regretfully abandon everything."
The Weight of
"My greatest regret is that I disappointed my parents and everyone else. I failed to fulfil the expectations everyone had for me, and I gave up halfway. I do not know how many people felt sad for me, or how many shook their heads in disappointment. I am so sorry to everyone.
What I have just described was my inner state at that time. When my spirit was brought by Practitioner Su to the and underwent a period of purification, I looked back at myself as I was then. I saw that my body had long been occupied by many karmic creditors. The number of these karmic creditors was so great that it terrified me. I wondered, where did they all come from? Only later did I slowly realise that these were the karmic creditors who had been following me throughout my many lives.
These karmic creditors did not appear without reason. They were already inside my body, and they were slowly awakened by my personality and triggered by the negative states I had hidden. They quietly occupied my internal organs, my blood, and every part of my body. The presence of these karmic creditors was the primary reason I lost my energy and strength. They drained my vitality and devoured my health; they almost tore me apart. In the end, they achieved their goal: they took my life and ended my existence."
A Heartfelt Plea for Deliverance
"Later, I wept bitterly and openly repent before Practitioner Su, because as I slowly saw my past, I realised that I had once been so vicious. I had hurt so many people, which is why I created such enmity with them, leading them to refuse to let me go throughout my many lives, coming to claim my life in this one. I am so sorry to them. I repented deeply and begged for their forgiveness.
Seeing these karmic creditors caused my heart such pain—a pain sharper than a knife cutting through flesh—because I felt immense remorse and self-reproach. I blamed myself for how I could have done such harmful things. But in the end, I discovered that no amount of remorse could remedy the situation, because I could no longer help them; I no longer had a body. Therefore, I could only beg the Buddha to help me, to save these sentient beings with whom I have karmic affinity, and to give them the chance to leave suffering behind.
Looking at the length of my life—nearly twenty-five years—I had spent half of that time immersed in the Buddha’s teachings, yet everything I did failed to help my karmic creditors. They were still suffering, and as the timing matured, they successfully took my life. I suddenly asked myself: 'Then what was I doing?'"
A Message of Hope
"I had considered myself to have worked hard for most of my life, yet I had not helped the beings I was supposed to help. If I were given the chance to live my life again, I think I would make adjustments. I would not just bury myself in books; I would truly open my heart, chant Namo Amituofo with single-minded focus, draw closer to my spirituality, thoroughly change my personality, and openly repent to all the beings connected to me.
I would do everything in my power to help sentient beings, and the beings I help would certainly not be limited to my own karmic creditors. I want to have the great heart and the Ultimate Vow of the Buddha to save all sentient beings. My suffering is the suffering of all beings. At the time, I could not grasp this, nor could I even perceive my own suffering. Now, I truly see it clearly; it is real suffering.
My parents are suffering more than I am now. I have obtained deliverance, but they have not. The Causal Conditions of this lifetime allowed me to have parents who loved me, but only permitted me a brief existence, leaving them with eternal sorrow. I could not escape the arrangement of fate because I did not change my own destiny. Thus, I followed the pre-written script and played out the final tragedy.
However, at this moment, the tragedy has been rewritten. I want to tell my parents and all the friends and fellow practitioners who remember me: I have been saved. I have returned to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. I am doing very well now. Please be happy for me; there is no need to feel regret or sadness for me anymore."
The Reality of the Spirit Realm
"Although I did not have the chance to use my strength to help people in this life, at this moment, I have truly let go. I accept the arrangement of these Causal Conditions, and I will work even harder. However, I also want to tell everyone: the space where life exists, the space where spirits reside, and many other spaces unknown to us—they all truly exist. I spent my past efforts trying to help my physical body gain more knowledge, yet I neglected to truly change my inner self, missing the opportunity to allow the spirits following me to obtain deliverance. This part was something I did not recognise, and it was completely isolated from my awareness.
Now that I have truly walked this path and seen the truth, I understand that only by helping these beings let go and leave suffering behind can I truly exert the strength to help more beings and achieve the goal of truly saving people. This is because everyone is caught in the of the past, bound by karmic forces, and unable to break free.
Finally, I must express my gratitude to Sister Tingjing and my aunt. Thank you for not forgetting me and for performing for me, which allowed me to be saved by Practitioner Su. I do not know how to repay this kindness; this is gratitude truly from the bottom of my heart. Thank you to Namo Amituofo, thank you to Practitioner Su, and thank you to all the fellow practitioners, elders, and Sister Tingjing who helped me. Thank you all. Thank you to the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre. Namo Amituofo. Zhuang Huijing bows in reverence."
