A Final Repentance: The Journey of Guo Pinling

This is a record of an interview with Guo Pinling, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. She now resides in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon her life and her ultimate salvation. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fajing, on November 15, 2024.

Lay Practitioner Guo Pinling speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I repent, I repent, and I repent again.

I am so grateful to the grandmotherly compassion of Practitioner Su. I should address her as Practitioner Su. I am deeply thankful for her mercy in tolerating me time and time again. This time, I truly paid the price with my own life; I suffered immensely. Yet, even in my darkest hour of agony, it was Practitioner Su who saved me. She brought me home, back to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. I am filled with such gratitude. I kneel and kowtow in thanks to Namo Amituofo and to Practitioner Su. I am so ashamed—truly, I am so deeply ashamed."

A Life of Hidden Struggles

"Before I passed away, I often dreamt of the day I could bring my children back to the temple to join the salvation team. I imagined that when they were older and their characters were more stable, they would no longer cause trouble or disruption to the temple. I held onto that hope for so long. How could I have known that my life would end so abruptly?

I knew my karmic burden was heavy. Countless karmic creditors and demon crowds were waiting to claim me. In truth, I was born with a sensitive constitution. Even at home, I could often hear spirits speaking to me. I was constantly under their interference, unable to live a peaceful life. My body was plagued by numerous spiritual attachments, which left me in constant discomfort and caused my physical strength to wither away day by day.

From a young age, my heart was filled with obstacles. I often felt inferior, stifled, and sorrowful. I swallowed so much bitterness, and whenever I faced difficulties, I tried to solve them on my own. But my methods were always wrong—I relied on shortcuts and trickery, thinking only of how to cover things up so they would just go away."

The Illusion of a Happy Life

"This mindset taught me to 'muddle through' life. When problems arose, I never addressed the root cause. I only dealt with the surface, masking the issues and running away, thinking that if I couldn't see them, they didn't exist. By the time the problems grew too large to ignore, they were beyond my ability to handle. In the end, I was the one who suffered the most, turning my life into a chaotic mess.

I once believed that marriage would lead me to the life I desired. My husband and I had a karmic connection, and our life before marriage seemed stable enough. I longed to build an ideal, happy family. However, once I was married, I realised it was nothing but a dream. The conflicts with my in-laws, combined with our clashing personalities and values, created immense problems in our marriage. I blamed them entirely. I thought they were the ones with the issues, that they disliked me and were looking for trouble. I held onto this belief until the very moment I died. I never knew how to look at my own faults; I never knew how to repent. My life was miserable, and it was my own personality that ruined it.

All my repentance only became genuine after I died. Before that, I was incapable of true, sincere repentance. I was always thinking of myself, trying to protect my own interests."

Finding the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre

"After I had children, their health often caused me worry and distress. I loved them dearly and was constantly planning their lives, wanting them to have a successful future. But the interference was too great, especially the problems with my in-laws. I wanted to escape, to leave that home, but I never had the chance.

When I discovered the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre online, I was at my lowest point. I read a teaching from an ancestral master and wept uncontrollably. I felt so moved, as if I had finally found the Buddha, found an exit. Later, I listened to Practitioner Su’s Dharma talks, and I would often sit there, clutching my head and sobbing.

I immediately looked up the location of the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre. I began planning to take my two children there, no matter how far it was. When we finally arrived, I felt no sense of strangeness at all. All the monastics and fellow practitioners were so approachable and kind. Especially when I saw Practitioner Su, I felt in my heart that she was Namo Amituofo—there was no doubt about it.

I was so moved, and I cherished every day at the temple. I taught my children to chant Namo Amituofo, to help other beings, and to aspire to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. My children loved the temple, so whenever they had a break, I would bring them there."

The Weight of Unchanged Personality

"I was a helpful person by nature, always willing to assist those in need. But I had a major flaw: I was prone to protecting myself, making excuses, and seeking personal gain. Perhaps because I was hurt when I was young, I developed this defensive character. I admit I was calculating. My actions were often premeditated and purposeful, which made my heart impure.

After visiting the temple a few times, I began to scheme. I wanted to bring my children to live at the temple permanently so I would never have to face my husband's family again. I wanted them to listen only to me and to the Buddha, so they wouldn't be spoiled by their grandparents or father. I eventually succeeded in bringing them to live there. Even when my husband came to find me, I refused to go back.

During that time, I was never truly relaxed. Because I hadn't resolved the conflicts with my husband's family, my heart was always in a state of turmoil. After becoming a member of the fourfold assembly at the temple, my personality flaws began to surface. Several monastics spoke to me, urging me to change my character and to teach my children properly. Honestly, I only gave lip service. I didn't take it to heart. I even felt resentful, thinking I was being misunderstood. I was unhappy, but I was very good at masking it, pretending to be agreeable and obedient.

I thought I could get away with it, but the monastics saw right through me. They would point out my inconsistencies, telling me to stop making excuses and warning me that if I didn't change, I would suffer. My personality was stubborn; I wasn't even afraid of death. Even with their warnings, I continued to act according to my own whims. Now, seeing myself from the perspective of the spirit world, I realise I was entirely controlled by other beings. They were standing on my head, on my chest, and on my heart, making decisions for me, interfering with my thoughts, and clouding my mind. It was terrifying—truly terrifying.

I was completely manipulated by my karmic creditors, and I didn't even know it. But I cannot blame them entirely. It was because my own personality was too strong that they were able to interfere. If I had changed my character and been truly obedient, they wouldn't have been able to control me so severely."

The Final Warning and the Crash

"During my time at the temple, I often complained. I felt that I didn't have to do so much work at home, yet here I had to work all the time. I was so ungrateful, forgetting how much I had suffered at home. I even gossiped about the monastics to other practitioners. I regret this deeply now. By saying things I shouldn't have and doing things I shouldn't have, I not only created bad karma at the temple but also rapidly depleted my blessings.

I thought I was raising my children well, but the monastics told me I was spoiling them. I refused to listen. I thought I knew better. I didn't take their advice to heart, and I continued to operate according to my own patterns. I wasn't truly practicing; I was just using the temple as a quiet place to raise my children, away from the conflicts at home. I was so insecure that I clung to my children, valuing them more than my own practice.

I often experienced 'situations' while at the temple. The most serious were the times I almost lost my life while driving. I would fall into a state of drowsiness or enter a different space, becoming like a hollow shell. I once drove into the oncoming lane without realising it and almost collided with another car. Later, I actually wrecked my car. I am sure the monastics and fellow practitioners remember this, as such a thing had never happened to anyone else practicing at the temple.

That accident was like a brush with death. Looking back now, I see that my car was filled with karmic creditors. Their expressions were fierce and hateful; they wanted my life. After that accident, the monastics spoke to me again, urging me to learn from this lesson. They told me that the Buddha had saved me, which is why I only had minor scratches on my face instead of being killed. It is true—I can see now that the Buddha protected me with a great light, shielding my body even as the front of the car was smashed to pieces.

But I still didn't listen. I told the monastics not to worry, that I was fine. I didn't realise the severity of the situation; I didn't believe that my karmic creditors were truly coming for me."

Descending into the Brain-Gouging Hell

"I eventually left the temple because my child caused trouble. I blamed others at first, but I had to face the reality that my child was no longer suitable for the temple. I was heartbroken. I had to return to that home I so desperately wanted to escape. Back home, things fell apart again. My emotions were volatile, and I rarely found peace.

Then came the day of the incident. I had a splitting headache, a severe, dizzying pain. I had experienced this before, and I knew it meant the spirits had arrived. Usually, I would chant Namo Amituofo, and they would retreat. Sometimes I would hear Practitioner Su’s voice and wake up. But this time, I couldn't escape. As I entered the restroom, I collapsed. Before I fell, I saw many black shadows—so many, countless shadows. Looking back now, I see them waiting to claim me. I cry out in agony when I see that scene. I harmed so many beings, and none of them wanted to let me go.

Before my body even stopped breathing, my spirit was already suffering retribution in hell. It was the terrifying brain-gouging hell. I screamed and called for Practitioner Su, for the Buddha, but it was useless. I don't know why it was useless. I was repeatedly subjected to having my brain gouged. The pain was unbearable, and I was filled with terror.

Even while being punished, I could feel my physical body. I knew it was in a coma, and my karmic creditors were still pressing down on it, refusing to let me wake up. They occupied every part of me, especially my head. This was my retribution, wasn't it? My whole life, I was obsessed with protecting myself, with doing what was best for me. All those selfish thoughts were in my brain, and in the end, it was my head that exploded first.

The moment my body ceased to breathe, my spirit knew. I wept so miserably, knowing I would never have the chance to return. I screamed in agony and grief."

A Second Chance at Deliverance

"As I suffered in hell, I still held onto a sliver of hope that Practitioner Su would save me. Then, I heard her voice. I clearly heard Practitioner Su shout, 'Guo Pinling, come up from hell!' A vast golden light appeared before me, and I rushed toward it. I was truly saved by Practitioner Su.

Sitting on the lotus seat, I was interviewed by the monastics. I couldn't stop crying. I was terrified, my heart still unsettled. I kept thanking Practitioner Su for pulling me out of that horrible hell so I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. Sitting on the lotus seat, I was rapidly purified by the Buddha-light. I cried every day, but this time, the tears were filled with deep, sincere repentance. I knew I had been wrong, and I knew I had paid with my life.

I saw that my karmic creditors were as numerous as several Earths. They didn't want to let me go, but I knew that here, with Practitioner Su, they couldn't take me. I hoped they would let go of their hatred and seek rebirth in the Pure Land, but most were unwilling. They just wanted to drag me back to suffer.

Throughout my many lives, I created too much karma. I saw that I had once been a great demon who harmed many people. I had also been a vicious shaman, casting spells everywhere, destroying the physical world, harming spirits, and controlling others. My sins were extremely heavy. That is why, from the moment I was born in this life, I was controlled by my karmic creditors and demon crowds. It wasn't my true self using my body at all.

In truth, my heart is kind. I am not a bad person. But I was someone who could not be the master of my own life. My actions were not my own, which is why I caused such disaster. I cannot blame the beings; I must blame myself for lacking the awareness to change my personality. If I had been honest and truly repented, they might not have controlled me so severely. But I didn't, so they were even more furious and used every method to disrupt my life, eventually taking it."

A Final Message to the World

"I still cannot let go of my two children. They are so young, and both are ill. My daughter is so dependent on me. Because of her skin condition, she has always been insecure, just like I was as a child. I kept her by my side, and she rarely left me. Now that I am dead, they cannot accept it. I cry whenever I think of them. I cannot bear to see them motherless at such a young age.

I begged Practitioner Su to save my children, but I know it is unlikely. My husband would never allow them to come, and the temple cannot care for them. My heart aches, but I know I can no longer intervene in worldly affairs. I have finally realised how foolish I was. No matter how much I worry, I cannot change anything. It is better to let go and seek rebirth in the Western Pure Land so I can be liberated.

Today is the day I arrive in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. My heart is filled with complex emotions. I am still crying, but I am also happy—I am finally going home. Practitioner Su is so compassionate; in an instant, she brought me to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. The compassionate father, Amitabha Buddha, is right before me. I kneel and weep—truly weep. Namo Amituofo is so compassionate. I am so ashamed to have created so much sin before returning to see my compassionate father. Ashamed, so ashamed!

I want to tell everyone, whether you know me or not: life is precious. Do not be like me—do not fail to cherish it, do not be disobedient, and do not refuse to change your personality. I believed in the Buddha, but I believed in my own personality and the voices in my head even more. That is terrifying. Most people are probably just like me, foolishly led by other beings.

I hope you do not follow in my footsteps; it is so painful. You must listen to the Dharma and use it to change yourselves, not to find faults in others. Everything I did proves how foolish I was. You must change. Only by changing can you save yourselves. Otherwise, when you are suffering retribution and crying out in agony, even Namo Amituofo cannot intervene. Because it is karma we created ourselves, even the great compassion of Namo Amituofo can only watch as we fall into the cycle of rebirth.

I am so grateful to Practitioner Su and the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre. In the end, it was the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre that saved me. This is the greatest blessing of my life—to have known this centre, to have known Namo Amituofo, Practitioner Su, and all the monastics and fellow practitioners.

Thank you all for your care. Please accept my kowtows of gratitude. Gratitude, and more gratitude.

Namo Amituofo.

Guo Pinling bows in respect."