A Journey from Darkness to the Western Pure Land

This is a record of an interview with Lin Junji, who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss. This account reflects upon his life and his transition to the Pure Land. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fajing, on September 9, 2022.

Lay Practitioner Lin Junji speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am Lin Junji. I wish to speak directly to my family: I am so sorry. I was wrong. I was a selfish man, and I am deeply sorry for all the pain I have caused my loved ones through my departure, especially my parents and my wife. I know that my actions have left a void that cannot be easily filled, and for that, I carry a heavy heart of regret."

The Weight of Regret

"Why was my life so bitter? I used to blame everyone and everything around me. I felt as though the world was against me, and I harboured so much resentment in my heart. But now, standing here, I see everything with absolute clarity. It was all my own karma, the result of my own personality and the choices I made. I cannot blame anyone else for the path I walked. It was my own doing, and I have had to face the consequences of that reality."

"I once believed that by ending my life, I would finally find liberation. I thought that by leaving, I would be free, and that my family would be able to breathe a sigh of relief, no longer burdened by my struggles. How wrong I was! I did not realise that the moment my life ended, the true beginning of my suffering began. My family, the people who loved me most, were left trapped in a cycle of grief that they could not escape. I see now that my escape was nothing more than a cruel illusion."

The Siege of the Mind

"The thought of ending my life was a constant shadow. My karmic creditors were relentless, constantly pulling at me, whispering to me, and steering me toward that final, tragic path. At first, I had enough reason to resist, to hold back the tide of darkness. But as my physical pain grew, my thoughts began to sour. They became increasingly negative, increasingly hopeless. I felt as though I could no longer endure the weight of existence. Even though I was still young, the future appeared to me as nothing but a vast, impenetrable void of darkness."

"My karmic creditors spoke to me constantly from within my own heart. They painted vivid, terrifying pictures of my future, telling me how miserable I would be and how much of a burden I would become to my family. These negative thoughts began to manifest physically, repeating over and over again inside The Head. They grew stronger and more intense with every passing day. It felt as if a dark, external force was trying to occupy my mind entirely. I was completely unable to resist. In truth, I had lost my own thoughts and my own consciousness; my body was being entirely dominated by my karmic creditors."

The Moment of Loss

"In the very moment I committed that terrible act, I did not even know what I was doing. I kept repeating, 'I am sorry, I am sorry,' but I was not truly present. I was a puppet. I did not understand the gravity of my actions; I simply did what the beings around me demanded. It was as if I were performing a task that was being validated and encouraged by some unseen authority. Slowly, I lost all sense of self, all sense of awareness, until there was nothing left of me."

A New Beginning in the Western Pure Land

"I have created such great karma in the past, and in this life, I have had to endure the bitter fruit of that retribution. My family was dragged into my suffering, left to weep and mourn for me. For that, I am truly sorry. But now, I have emerged from that darkness. I want to tell my family: I am well. I am truly well now. After coming to Practitioner Su and listening to the Dharma, I hesitated for a time, but eventually, I decided to let go of the 'self' and travel to the Western Land of Ultimate Bliss."

"The moment I arrived in the Western Land, standing before the Buddha, I wept bitterly in repenting. The Buddha shone His light upon me, filling me with a warmth I had never known. I felt the profound compassion of the Buddha, a love that washed away the stains of my past. I hope my family can let go of this painful history. I am doing well—better than I have ever been—and I am truly happy. I hope that you, too, can find peace and be well."

"Namo Amituofo."