The Endless Regret of a Primordial Demon

This is a record of an interview with He Ran, a demon who sought deliverance at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. He now resides in the Western Dharma-Nature Land. This account reflects upon his existence approximately 4.8 trillion years ago. Recorded by the chief writer, Shi Fa, on February 11, 2025.

He Ran speaks:

"Namo Amituofo. I am He Ran. For nearly five trillion years, I have existed in a state that I can only describe as a long, dark slumber. What have I been doing with all that time? It is a question that haunts me now, a question that represents my sudden, jarring awakening. I am finally looking back at myself and asking: 'What was I doing?'

Some might say, 'Weren't you just being a demon? Why ask what you were doing? You were simply fulfilling your role as a demon!' But I answer with a hollow, emotionless expression: 'Being a demon was never my original intent. Why did I ever become one?' It is a truly staggering realisation. Being a demon was never my choice, never something I desired, yet I became one—and I remained in that state for nearly five trillion years. Think about it—five trillion years of lost time!"

The Power of True Change

"If a time machine existed, what would I do? I can answer with absolute certainty: 'I would change everything.' And the change I speak of is not about others; it is about me. I am the one who needed to change, not anyone else. It was never anyone else. This is a truth I have only just grasped. Looking back at those 4.8 trillion years, I realise I lived in a state of total confusion, as if I were being dragged along by an invisible force. I did not even clearly understand what I was doing or what kind of karma I was creating.

I have been here in the Western Dharma-Nature Land at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre for five days now. These five short days have been enough to wake me up—thoroughly and completely. What force brought me to this clarity? It is the power of the Buddha. The Buddha is so compassionate, so infinitely merciful. He awakened my dormant Buddha-nature and purified my demon nature. He allowed the original radiance of my true self to shine through once more, replacing the dim, tarnished appearance I had worn for eons."

The Illusion of the Demon Realm

"I have been listening to Practitioner Su give Dharma talks here in the Western Dharma-Nature Land. Every single talk is a call to awaken, a process of purification that draws me back to a pure world where my heart is no longer stained or suffering. When I recall those 4.8 trillion years as a demon, every day seemed 'exciting' on the surface, but in reality, I was drowning in despair. My despair was simple: 'Besides being a demon, what else can I do?' Because I felt I had no other choice, I used all my strength to defend my status in the Demon Realm, protecting myself from the forces of the universe, terrified of being pulled away by the righteous power of the cosmos.

Because I felt I had no opportunity to choose anything else, I often felt that the cycle of reincarnated life was meaningless. I felt that the Buddha was unfair to me—why did He abandon me and let me become a demon? My heart was always in a state of resentment. This resentment only fueled my demon nature, triggering my anger and causing me to commit more acts that harmed other beings. I never thought I would have a day of salvation, because in all those trillions of years, I had never seen a single demon saved. What is the final path for every demon? It seems to be the path of retribution, unless one can escape forever—but how could that ever be possible? I knew this clearly, and that knowledge only deepened my despair. No matter how much effort I made, I felt I could never escape the path of karmic retribution. What else could I possibly do?"

The Weight of Sins and Friendships

"In my search for an answer, I spent time observing what other demons were doing. Every one of them was either attacking others, controlling others, or using various methods to enhance their own power, or fighting amongst themselves. None of this was what I wanted, because no matter how much you fight, in the end, it is all nothing left. No, it is not 'nothing'—all the sins you have created follow you closely. They are never empty. Knowing that all the sins I had created would continue to follow me made me even more miserable. I did not want to create more karma, and I did not want to harm other spirits. But I was terrified that if I stopped, my power would wane, and I would be captured and dragged off to face retribution.

I lived with so much anxiety, fear, resentment, and helplessness. It was truly agonizing. In the Dharma Realm, I had a demon friend with whom I shared a close bond. He had been a demon for about as long as I had. We often met to talk. We had our own private space where we could speak freely, safe from the ears of other demons. We both knew that we could not stay together forever; eventually, some Causal Conditions would force us apart. We prepared ourselves mentally, agreeing that if one of us left first, the other should not be sad. That was the precious nature of our friendship—our attachment to emotion was the only thing that allowed us to rely on and support each other while we were demons."

The Moment of Separation

"Later, my friend was taken away. That day, there was no warning. We never expected such a powerful suction force to appear. Right before my eyes, my friend was pulled away. I reached out to save him, but I had no strength, and I felt his space instantly change into something different from mine. It was as if I could no longer touch him, and he vanished before me. I shouted his name repeatedly and searched everywhere for him, but I could not find a trace. My intuition told me he had been taken by the power of the universe. That was about a trillion years ago. The trillion years since losing him were spent in even deeper despair, because I had seen a living example of someone who had tried so hard, only to have it all vanish in an instant.

Looking back now, I realise how foolish I was. Why did I walk the path of the Demon Realm? It was all because of my 'personality.' Everyone has a personality, of course. I see that clearly now. People from different planets have different personalities, but many of these traits are actually shared and similar. If everyone has a personality, why doesn't everyone become a demon? That is the key. The key lies in one's 'attachment' to that personality. The more attached you are to your personality, the more likely you are to become a demon. Because of this attachment, people become rigid, unwilling to submit, unwilling to soften, and unwilling to change. They cling to their traits and react to every situation with the same stubborn patterns."

The Choice to Change

"Before I became a demon, I lived on the planet Bufita. I was a person with a very strong personality. My 'strength' lay in my extreme and evil thoughts. Everything in my life seemed extreme—either very good or very bad, and usually, it was the latter. Why was I so extreme? Because my thoughts were evil. Therefore, everything I saw was terrible, wicked, and miserable. I believed I was a rotten person, and I convinced myself that I was beyond saving, so I let myself rot even further. I thought, 'Since I am already this bad, it doesn't matter anymore. Let it rot!' I didn't want to make any effort.

I refused to follow the rules, refused to do what was right, and refused to listen to advice. I made myself truly, incomparably rotten. I even had a perverse mental note: 'I will keep rotting and see who can tolerate me.' Why did I have such a mental note? Because I understood the coldness of human relationships. When you are 'rotten' and people believe you are beyond help, they will eventually distance themselves from you. Their reasons are very realistic—they can no longer gain any benefit from you. They were only kind to you because they needed your help, your warmth, or your presence.

When you continue to show them that you are beyond saving, they will choose to abandon you for the sake of self-preservation. It is very realistic and very disgusting. I saw this clearly, so I intentionally let myself rot to see how many people would stay. I didn't expect anyone to stay, because I didn't believe such selfless people existed. Most people are selfish; that selfishness is deep-rooted and impossible to remove. I felt total despair toward everything, which made my personality even stronger and more wicked. In the end, I became a demon. All of this was my own doing. I cannot blame anyone else; I blame myself. My personality was so rigid that I could not change, and once I entered the Demon Realm, I was too stubborn to regret it. Now, I see how foolish I was. Why did I have to be like that?"

A New Beginning

"Practitioner Su came into the Dharma Realm, bringing with Him the compassionate and gentle power of the Buddha. I was transformed by this power, and I witnessed with my own eyes how Practitioner Su uses His Dharma Body to Chao Du beings. I felt such admiration. Looking at myself, I had made myself so dark, having done no good and having created so much karma. I blamed myself for a long time, sinking into a deep depression. Later, I arrived on Earth in a daze, perhaps guided by some unseen force, wanting to find Practitioner Su. Once I reached Earth, I went straight to Him. Very quickly, among the crowd of demons, I was taken by the power of Practitioner Su and brought into the Western Dharma-Nature Land.

At this moment, everything is well. I am so grateful, and in my heart, I am constantly chanting the Buddha's name. Namo Amituofo."

He Ran