The Heavy Burden of Emotional Karma

This interview was recorded on September 10, 2017, at the Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre in Australia. Venerable Changren, a monastic residing at the centre, offers profound insights into the nature of emotional attachments and the urgent necessity of spiritual practice for those seeking liberation from the cycle of reincarnation.

Venerable Changren speaks:

"Day after day passes by. Have you ever stopped to consider how much time you actually have left? Perhaps you are still young, or perhaps you are already in the sunset of your life. Regardless, how many things are you still unable to let go of? You say you want to let go slowly, but do you truly believe you have the luxury of time? To put it plainly: can you really manage to let go before the moment of your death?

I am well aware that many people are physically present, yet their hearts are elsewhere, often wandering in distant lands. In their practice, they are constantly tossed about, unable to control themselves—advancing one moment and retreating the next. Especially when the heart is tethered to its cravings, I must ask: are you still truly yourself? In other words, is the person who wants to act in such ways really you?

The Illusion of Control

Some may understand what I mean, but I suspect the majority still hold doubts. What does this mean? It means that none of us are truly in control. It is quite tragic. If you have never paid attention to these things, it is difficult to grasp my meaning. Often, certain thoughts and emotions are not what we desire at all, yet we find ourselves unable to extricate ourselves from them. This is most frequently visible in the realms of adultery and lust.

When it comes to emotions, the impulses that arise during anger are also difficult to extinguish in time. For a very long time, humanity has not been accustomed to focusing on the subtle aspects of all behaviors or intentions. Living in a state of coarseness, people are only familiar with gross actions and obvious intentions—the mundane, everyday life. These subtle, trivial details are rarely noticed. To put it another way, most people only see the results of these behavioral fluctuations, but they fail to see the initial stirrings of the heart and mind—how they begin from such a minute point. Because we have lost the training for such sensitivity, we have largely lost this keen awareness. We often only know that in the moment, we want to cry, laugh, or get angry. But have you ever asked yourself why? Have you ever thought about it?

The Puppet of Karmic Forces

You are being controlled. You are controlled by these so-called 'every thought and intention.' Because you lack the sensitivity to detect them at the very first moment, you mistake them for genuine emotional fluctuations. This causes you to lose your final chance to control yourself. When a small ripple arises in your heart, it whispers to you: 'Laugh! Laugh out loud!', or 'Cry! Weep bitterly, for you are the most miserable, the most wretched person—cry!', or perhaps, 'Be jealous! Why is he better than me? I can do it too, I can.' We also frequently see: 'Be angry! You are furious right now, so hot-headed, so angry—how could they do this?' These are just examples of emotional states.

If we look at behavior, consider this: when you see a beautiful woman, you glance at her, then glance again, and before you know it, your gaze is completely fixed. The waves in your heart surge, and the fire of desire becomes difficult to extinguish; it may even quietly ignite. You calculate in your heart: 'If only I could… how wonderful that would be.' This is the true internal fluctuation of many men. If the other party gives a positive response, those with poor awareness will commit the 'mistake that all men in the world make.' Is this impulsive process truly the behavior you wanted? To trade away an unknown future for a few minutes of pleasure? Perhaps you offend a woman you should not have. Do you think you were acting with keen awareness when you did these things you 'love' to do? Or was your body merely borrowed by other beings who share the same cravings? They need this pleasure, and you happen to need it too—it is a perfect match. They help you find a target, find an opportunity to connect. The impulse is infinite, the desire unsuppressible, because their needs are added to your own. After the thick, raging fire burns through, they leave, and all that remains is a bewildered you, filled with infinite regret and perhaps a massive, looming price to pay. Is it worth it?

And who is this 'they'? I have seen much in the void. It is very likely the Demon Realm. In matters of lust, it is mostly the lust-demons at work. They enjoy it, while you are merely a puppet being manipulated. When a lust-demon is present, you feel exceptionally happy, thinking how pleasurable this is, and you are unable to stop your thoughts; you will have constant cravings. This is your past Causal Conditions. There are too many past connections that hope you will do this. Perhaps it is also an emotional debt from past lives. Whether you believe in the laws of karma and cause and effect or not, these connections related to you are so desperate for you to give them tenderness. And regardless of your current status, once they manifest, it is a terrifying chain reaction. If you are a lay practitioner, the sin is not as heavy, but if you have left the home life and cannot stop these desires, it is truly terrifying. If you have awareness, you must awaken. Lust is a major Precept. Whether you are a monastic or a lay practitioner, if it causes you to lose your spirit and leaves you dazed and confused afterward, you must know that this is something you cannot touch. It only brings infinite aftereffects. To achieve liberation, one must practice. If you cannot cut off these things, you cannot cultivate a clear mind. Day after day, many 'creditors' are waiting to drag you down, and it is very easy for them to control you again because you have left a jar of water outside, waiting for someone to disturb its stillness at any time. Many people are in this situation. Because you have such deep-seated thoughts, naturally everyone knows it. It is very difficult for you to practice well. Perhaps there is no opportunity to encounter these things during the day, but at night, in your dreams, they will satisfy your cravings. Only with true determination and a sincere vow before the Buddha, begging the Buddha to give you strength, is it possible to practice well. Only then will no one come looking for you. Only sincerity can trade for the cessation of desire. Whether it is for anyone or anything, you must not want any desire at all; only then can you transform karma.

The Trap of Family and Affection

In fact, this example also illustrates any type of desire. I have seen many people manipulated by the fluctuations of family affection. They likewise do not realize that this is the dominance of karma, still believing it to be a natural expression of familial love. In truth, everyone has their own destiny. In the mutual tug-of-war, only karma can explain it all. What kind of Causal Conditions existed in past lives for today's familial ties? If this ledger were opened and calculated one by one, you would still want this affection? That would be truly foolish. I think that when this ledger is settled, you will find that the entanglement of these emotions is too terrifying. This illusion makes you unable to let go, unable to abandon it, and from time to time, you will recall all sorts of pleasures. People say 'emotional karma, emotional karma'—why is affection karma? Why is family affection also karma? Because you cannot let go. Why must you not let go? The worldly explanation is: 'Because they are my family,' 'Because I still have responsibilities to bear,' 'Because I just cannot let go.' There are thousands of reasons to explain why you cannot let go, along with your attachment to the family. Then I would like to ask you: how much of this family, or all these emotional connections, can you take with you? People in the world say that you cannot take anything with you into the coffin. Since you cannot take it, why not let go? You grasp so tightly, fearing loss. If you are already practicing, why do you not grasp the Truth instead of grasping at emotions? How many people have died because of emotions? How many have achieved success because of the Truth? When buying things, everyone is good at comparing prices, but when comparing the Truth with emotions, you choose emotions and yet hope for the salvation of the Truth. In your greed, the loss outweighs the gain. This is how reincarnation comes about, accompanied by infinite suffering. In the past of the past, you and the people you care about have already met. Was it hatred, or was it love? You may have forgotten, but meeting again in this lifetime, you are again unable to let go. How many lifetimes will it take for you to realize that these are all false? Is emotion not karma? It is a very difficult karma to let go of. If emotion is not deep, one is not born in the Saha world.

The Path to True Awakening

You care about the illusion of the exterior. In the dark, the unknown truth is that it is no longer the appearance of each other. You know that there will be times when you lose your autonomy, so does the person you care about not have the same situation? They do. They are no longer themselves either, unless they practice, truly letting go of everything, without any desire to rely on any person, matter, or object. Only then can you be truly clear. Only by placing all your thoughts entirely upon the Truth—which is to have nothing—can you be free. When you are attached to emotional thoughts, the aspect you want to grasp is too vast. But when you are willing to change to the Truth, you do not need to possess anything. Because there is nothing, you remain cool and clear. 'No-thought' is the Truth. Gradually removing layer after layer of dust and filth, you will be able to see your deep self. Awakening is so magnificent; to remain entangled in emotion is truly foolish.

Many people claim they have completely let go, but clearly, the fluctuations are still frequent. In practice, there cannot be too many fluctuations, because only still, clear water can gradually reflect the depth within. When you see your depth clearly, that is called 'awakening to one's true nature.' Who can ask for the awakening to one's true nature if the water cannot be stilled? To easily destroy all of this—you must know that this is karma! The one you care about is also grasping tightly onto you. They want you to be unable to achieve success. They know you cannot let go. As long as you have even a grain of sand left, even if it is minute, they can make this sand slowly ferment, disturbing you until you are confused and dazed. You say you want to practice, but you may still be far from it. As long as you cannot let go, in many cases, you will still return to the starting point. How many years have passed? Does your life still have time to let go slowly? Once this life is over, do you still have the opportunity in the next life to come back and practice again? Perhaps, but that will definitely be many lifetimes later, because you cannot guarantee that you have not created sins in this life; you must go and pay your debts first! Regardless, if you do not seek to leave the six realms of existence in this lifetime, your karma is truly too heavy. In fact, 'letting go' cannot be taught. I can only say this much, leaving everyone to reflect deeply on their own: do you really want to let go? This thinking leads to all your chaos. If you can let go, just as Practitioner Su let go of Body, Speech, and Mind, you will have inconceivable achievements. A person's life is very simple to handle; most people think and think, and it becomes complicated. If everyone could achieve success, the world, and even the void, would be blessed. To be able to save such immeasurable and boundless suffering beings—should you not stop creating your own fluctuations and feelings? If you let go, you can save so many people, or rather, save so many sentient beings. Should you not stop being so selfish? Everyone should be able to understand better why this is called being selfish. It is truly too selfish. Can you agree with this?

Everyone is a wise person; you should find your true self and exert it well. Do not let yourself be a 'dark person'—it would be a pity. Everyone, think about these things carefully. Namo Amituofo."

Hsiang Kuang Pure Land Buddhist Centre, Australia

Contact: Venerable Hailiang / Sister Cao

Phone: +61-456-793-638

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Address: 120 Gordon Smiths Road, Goombungee, QLD 4354, Australia