The Long Road to Awakening from Samsara

Huang Zhongming, a spirit currently serving as a prison guard in the underworld, sought deliverance through the compassionate guidance of Practitioner Su. This interview, recorded on September 15, 2024, captures his profound reflections on the relentless cycle of suffering he endured across countless lifetimes and his eventual path to liberation.

Huang Zhongming speaks:

"The suffering of life is something only those who are truly awake can comprehend. If one is still in a state of delusion, even while living amidst that suffering, one remains unaware of the need to wake up.

This is a realisation I have come to only after experiencing countless cycles of rebirth. You must truly awaken to understand how painful it is to be trapped in samsara, rather than remaining lost and oblivious to the agony of it all.

A Debt of Gratitude

I am deeply grateful for every Causal Condition I encountered throughout my cycles of rebirth. It was through these very experiences that I finally learned how to let go and change. I am also profoundly thankful that in this lifetime, I could encounter Practitioner Su and his mission to save the world, which has finally given me the opportunity for true liberation. I cherish this karmic affinity deeply, and I vow to study and grow with even greater diligence.

On behalf of all prison guards and sentient beings with karmic affinity, I bow in gratitude to the Buddha and to Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo.

The Illusion of Identity

I am Huang Zhongming, but this is a name I only acquired in the final lifetime of my countless cycles of rebirth. Before I can remember anything else, I recall having had many names and many different bodies. Each body felt like my 'true' self, and time and time again, I believed that was the 'me' I was meant to be. But after awakening, I realised that all of these identities were merely my own misunderstandings of the world.

In the beginning, I was born into a wealthy family. My name from that time has long since vanished into the wind, but back then, I possessed endless wealth and prestige. I lived a life of extreme luxury, addicted to the power and pleasure that wealth provided. I believed this was the meaning of life, endlessly pursuing fame and status while indulging in the prosperity of the Five Desires and the Six Dusts.

The Fear of Losing Everything

As the years passed, my body began to age, and my health gradually slipped away. I spent vast fortunes trying to extend my life, but in the end, I could not resist the arrival of death. In my final moments, I felt a profound terror. My heart was filled with attachment to this body; I did not want to leave this world because I still believed that this body was real and that everything I had was authentic. I was obsessed with the idea that this was a part of 'me', and I was terrified of dying and losing it all.

When I was reincarnated, I no longer remembered my past. I lived in a family plagued by poverty. In this life, I was born into heavy suffering. My parents passed away early, and our home was destitute. Every day was filled with hunger and exhaustion. I struggled desperately, just to survive.

The Injustice of Fate

During those days, I could not understand why fate was so unfair. Every meal became my greatest luxury, and my entire life was controlled by the needs of this body. I could not think of anything else because the daily struggle and the gnawing hunger made me think only of survival. Eventually, I left this world amidst disease and starvation. I felt a deep resentment toward this unjust fate. At the moment of death, I felt that familiar terror once again—the attachment to this body still bound me. As I closed my eyes, I fell back into the torrent of samsara.

After death, I became a snake filled with resentment, and only after countless other transmigrations did I return to the human realm.

The Burden of Achievement

In this life, I was born with exceptional talent. I was a young scholar, respected by all. My fame was at its peak, and I felt immense pride. Knowledge and Wisdom became my pursuit in that life; I craved the highest status in the academic world. As my fame grew, however, my heart became increasingly heavy. This body was no longer just a tool; it became a symbol for maintaining my reputation. I began to fear failure, fear being looked down upon, and fear not achieving even greater heights. I could not tolerate making mistakes, nor could I accept my own limitations.

Consequently, my life gradually sank into endless anxiety and self-denial. I was alive, yet I had lost my true freedom because I cared too much about the 'achievements' this body could attain. Eventually, I died young under the pressure, leaving that life with endless regrets.

The Illusion of Eternal Love

Life sank into darkness once more, and my spirit drifted aimlessly through space until I saw a beam of white light. I was instantly drawn to it, and I was reincarnated into the human realm yet again. In this life, I became a person of deep emotion and loyalty. I loved my partner dearly, believing she was everything in my life. Every day, I lived for her; our love felt like the most beautiful myth in the world. I believed that love was the ultimate meaning of life and that it was eternal.

However, as time passed, I gradually discovered that this love was not as perfect as I had imagined. Jealousy, arguments, and suspicion—these emotions corroded our relationship bit by bit. I could not bear any of her coldness or betrayal, and the inner pain gradually consumed me. The more I relied on this love, the more painful and desperate I felt. Eventually, I could not bear the suffering, and the love in my heart turned into endless resentment. I walked the path of self-destruction, leaving this world filled with bitterness. I did not know why I was in such pain; I only knew that this body and this love had kidnapped my soul.

The Cycle of Self-Destruction

When I left the human world carrying endless resentment and hatred, I fell into an abyss of infinite suffering. The pain of self-destruction played out in my soul countless times. It was unbearable. Just as I was exhausted, a light suddenly appeared. I grabbed the opportunity in haste, and only then did I finally escape the suffering of death that I had experienced for hundreds of years.

The Illusion of Duty

In this life, I became a general, shouldering the heavy responsibility of protecting my country. I thought this was my mission—to guard my nation and its people. I lived for war, leading armies and conquering lands. I linked my body and my identity to the honour and disgrace of the country, believing that only through constant victory could I prove my worth. The cruelty of the battlefield gradually made me numb; bloodshed and death became the norm of my life. I no longer feared death; I even looked forward to it, because only in battle could I feel the meaning of life. But whenever I saw innocent civilians being slaughtered, my heart felt a sliver of pain, and this pain slowly consumed me.

Eventually, I died in battle. At the moment my life faded, I suddenly understood that fame, power, and war could never satisfy the deep longing in my heart. All of this was merely my attachment to this body and identity, which caused me to miss my true self. After death, I descended into the hells to pay for these karmic sins. My heart was filled with sorrow. Whenever the punishments were inflicted upon me, my heart felt a hundredfold the pain, because I knew my spiritual obstacles were heavy and that my ignorance had brought painful experiences to so many others.

The Final Awakening

After experiencing countless cycles of rebirth and suffering, I finally arrived at this last lifetime, named Huang Zhongming. I lived in an ordinary family and led a mundane life. At first, I was still addicted to everything in the world, repeating the mistakes of countless past lives, pursuing fame, love, and desire. However, by chance, I met an old monk. He saw through my delusion and told me: 'You have been addicted to this world for too long and have forgotten your true original nature. These bodies and these identities are all illusory; you are merely chasing one illusory dream after another.'

These words struck me like thunder, and my heart began to waver. I felt that in countless past lives, I had been chasing something illusory, yet I had never truly found inner peace. The needs, desires, and attachments of these bodies had dragged me into the abyss of samsara countless times. I began to reflect and search for my true nature. I realised that this body is merely a temporary vessel, and my true home is the place I had long forgotten—the depths of my heart, my true destination.

Letting Go of the Vessel

I decided to let go of my attachment to this body and my attachment to everything in the world. I stopped chasing fame and fortune, stopped indulging in love, and focused on practice to find inner peace. Whenever desires and attachments surfaced, I reminded myself: 'These are all illusions; I should return to my true self.' As my practice deepened, my heart gradually regained a long-lost peace and clarity. I was no longer bound by this body, nor was I deceived by the illusions of this world. I finally understood that all the cycles of rebirth and suffering were because I was attached to this body and attached to the existence of 'me'.

In this final lifetime, I finally found the path to liberation. I thank every version of myself from the past; I thank those pains and delusions, because it was these experiences that finally taught me how to let go and how to achieve true liberation. I also strive to tell these experiences to everyone around me. As long as they are willing to listen, I will do my best to tell them. Helping sentient beings is not about letting them escape this world, but about helping them see the illusion of this world clearly, allowing them to wake up from their delusion. Every one of us has the possibility of liberation. As long as we are willing to let go of our attachment to this body and this world, we can find our true selves and escape the endless cycle of rebirth and the sea of suffering.

Until my life ended, my heart was finally settled, and I was able to leave the human world without any regrets.

A New Opportunity

When my soul arrived at the Hall of King Yama, my heart was calm. I waited peacefully for the King's judgment, with no thoughts in my mind. I am grateful that King Yama gave me an opportunity to serve, allowing me to help more sentient beings and learn more about the truths of life. I am grateful that I could encounter Practitioner Su's Dharma talks and his mission to save the world at this time, which gave us the chance to attain liberation. This is a once-in-a-thousand-years opportunity. I will certainly grasp it, and I vow to help more sentient beings so that more people can wake up and walk the path of liberation.

On behalf of all prison guards and sentient beings with karmic affinity, I bow in gratitude to the Buddha and to Practitioner Su. Namo Amituofo.

Huang Zhongming, with palms joined."